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Dad Won't Ask For Anyone But Me To Help Him
I can imagine if this is a regular occurrence this could be frustrating.
as for your dad not asking for help.... this could also be related to things he used to be able to do and now finding it increasingly difficult to do.
If I has a question, have you asked your dad why he cannot ask your sister (or mum) when they are available? I don't say, suggest or ask this of him to find a reason to get him to ask them, rather to get his perspective on things.
And what would happen if you were not available? Say... because you were too far away?
what would you like to see happen? Or your dad to do?
I don't know what he was trying to do. Or should have done. Maybe if you share a little more about what happened and looking for ... anyway, I am listening to you if you want to chat.
Welcome here to the Forum. I can understand your frustration and maybe puzzlement abut your dad. Then again I can understand a bit about why he probably does it too.
Over many years there has been a stereotype of the man, someone who is self-reliant, stoic, uncomplaining, capable and able to turn his hand to most things, plus of course being the breadwinner.
I grew up in this era and so it was what I believed about myself -no great surprise there.
Today of course things are changing - and I hope I am too, however this legacy remains with many. I actually used to spoil some tasks becuse I refused to ask for help, and as for asking directions when navigating a big city, no way.
So maybe you dad has the same in him, with asking for help rather than just soldiering on not being something that fits his self-image.
As it happens he has come to see you in a different light, someone whom it is OK to ask for help.
How you get him to change I don't know. I'm sure your Mum and sister could be of great help if he asked, however I doubt them just going out and helping would be well received, more like 'women taking over'.
Perhaps, when actually in the middle of a task wiht him you might get into the habit of calling your sister or mum over when an extra hand is needed. That way he may come to see it is an OK thing to do
What do you think?
Hi adamc s,
Im sorry your Dad has injured himself over the years.
I understand though our Dads maybe at an older age, still see themselves as a younger version because they are younger in their minds and there bodies have deteriorated over time but they fail to reflect this by the jobs they take on.
And unfortunately yes they can hurt themselves.
I think it just sounds like your Dads mindset maybe he didn’t feel like it was something he could ask his wife and daughter to do.
It’s nice that he can ask you but maybe just remind him that if he needs help to wait until your available.
Hello Adamc, it could be that your dad doesn't want to ask his wife or eldest daughter to help him, solely because they may not want to or perhaps they give him instructions that he knows won't help him or they talk too much, that's why he wants you to help him so he is more reliant on being able to communicate with you because you, yourself are quite capable.
I often would do the same as your dad, if someone was home or someone else who is available but had no idea of how they could help, I wouldn't ask them for help
Sorry I pressed something and it went through.
I wouldn't ask them for help because usually they would only get in the way, but this may be completely different with you and a great benefit to you.
My Dad was doing some bricking to put a path down the side of the shed so it's easier to get to the garden shed behind it and it just wasn't working out the way he wanted it to. The bricks weren't going straight and he had to dig away a lot of dirt which had gotten hard.
My Mum and sister spend their days just sitting playing on their phones and watching TV. I asked Dad last night why he didn't ask them for help and all he said was "They can't help."
When I was out yesterday, I had to take some discs and empty cases to the local council office for recycling which Dad suggested I do.