- Beyond Blue Forums
- Caring for myself and others
- Relationship and family issues
- Could be a major issue with my lady , not sure wha...
- Subscribe to RSS Feed
- Mark Topic as New
- Mark Topic as Read
- Pin this Topic for Current User
- Printer Friendly Page
Could be a major issue with my lady , not sure what to do in it. Thoughts ?
As a few know from my other thread l met someone new about 10mths ago and again thanks so much for the help and thoughts back in that thread too it really helped . Unfortunately we have a could be a pretty big problem and l just dunno what to do about it or how to look at it.
You see she moved over to oz with her hubby 6yrs ago but they split up 2yrs later and divorced . he changed and got violent, nother story. Anyway they'd done visas and we're all set and approved but 3mths ago she got a new letter from immigration and they're reviewing their visas because they got divorced. better not go into details here but the whole thing is now the lawyer can't say whether they'll still approve her original visa or if she'll have to go for a whole new visa if the decide now something wasn't right .
Her and her h paid 14,000 for their applications 7k each , the most ridiculously dearest visa in the whole damn world that l can find by almost triple and ridiculously hard , most other countries in fact are only 3 and 400 dollars or euro . Well they were approved and basically just waiting on the official stamp so to speak and that was it.Butttt, so if she does have to reapply guess what , they don't refund the first 7k, she's gotta pay another 7k. as if the first wasn't enough, what a scam..
Anyway , l know how it might sound but nope it's all 100% legit l've seen all the original stuff from her and her ex 6mths ago because she was going through it all and showed me and l've seen the new letter even went with her to the lawyer and heard the whole story directly from him too.
l dunno wth to do . l mean we have a beautiful relationship l'd think marriage later for sure if it kept on like this but atm it's only been 10 mths and if it was any other country l couldn't care less about 3 or 400 bucks. But if it does come to that then we'd have to find about 8k all up l don't have it ex and me habe forked out a fortune on d's school this year and braces , she doesn't have near enough , l just dunno. And whatever we are , we just haven't been together long enough for me to tryst the whole sitch anyway yet.
Now l'm scared to let things go on with us right now because if worst happens there's nothing we can do, she'll probably have to leave the country and we bth end up broken hearted . The lawyer says she could know in a month or 18mths no way to tell.
I'm sorry to hear of your predicament and I'm afraid I don't see an easy option.
You say yourself at this stage you are not ready to form a permanent realtionship, although that might be on the cards later. That fact alone would make me pause, even if I had that sort of money. You have other commitments in any case on your family.
If you look on the bright side the original via may be granted and you can explore your relationship further at your leisure. If it is not that is a bridge that may need to be crossed in the future, provided things remain the same. There are two of you to face the problem, not just you alone.
Waiting is horrible, unfortunately I can't see anything else to do at this stage.
always a bonus to have you on the forums
Croix is spot on above when he mentioned 'that the visa may still be granted' RX...Croix has made a solid point
In reality like you mentioned its only been 10 months.....With all respect to your blossoming relationship it may be a bit early to be thinking about heavy duty financial commitment without some longevity where the relationship is concerned
I understand that n means a lot to you RX and I am happy for you both. You still have a lot to deal with after your separation and your daughters' shared responsibilities with your ex...as you mentioned
Unfortunately albeit damn frustrating....waiting for the decision is your best move at this time as haste makes waste...... There is really nothing you can do until the decision is made.
Please be gentle to yourself during this time.....You deserve it!
my kindest thoughts always RX
Thanks very much croix and paul .
But yeah that's the thing , l wouldn't go there with anyone at this stage after only 10 or 12 mths l mean it's just not long enough. And l don't wanna be backed into a corner and a forced partner visa or something either let alone the money, especially not any time soon. l guess if it was 18mths from now and bad news but we were all good we'd do what we could for sure , but it could be also only 2 or 3 mths
She has a son and his new wife here , that's why her and the ex came over too later. She says he'd pay whatever balance she needed for the new visa if it came to that, he's on pretty good money , but l'd feel really weird about it , l dunno if l'm just being silly. he is her son. And pauls spot on and l've said to gf my d has to come first for me , and my own financial situation , l've got a new mortgage and all , self employed which is always up and down.
l just don't know whether to risk keep going either. l have been very very hold back on feelings and guarding myself tbh so far just because it hasn't been long yet , but now we find out this visa stuff. ln a way l've even thought of ok , we stop everything here until we know about the visa and if we're still interested then we can pick up again. self preservation l suppose, or selfish, not sure which, maybe some crazy thrown in passing up all that life together while waiting.
Sorry l'm probably going in circles here.
You are a very decent guy that is taking great care not to re-engage any possible future relationship problems which is fair enough.
You mentioned "l have been very very hold back on feelings and guarding myself tbh so far just because it hasn't been long yet" RX.....what you mentioned says everything.
Discussing your heartfelt feelings for your GF is something I cant do which you know.
What I can do is try to support you only as per my own life experience if thats okay
- Are there any Red flags?.....yep....
- Are you willing to spend your life with your GF? and become involved financially?.....Thats the hard one RX
- How would you feel if the the visa was granted?.....seriously
- The lawyer mentioned anywhere from a month to 18 months.....are you okay with that?
RX....these are only some of the questions/thoughts that would occur to me if I was in your situation. I have mentioned these from my own point of view with all respect to your gf of course
dont torture yourself on this RX...go easy....
take care of you first....all other considerations are secondary
Thanks a lot for that mate , always fantastic to hear your thoughts .
Yeah she's got a few flags for sure , haven't we all, not to mention the damn visa now. But l'm as sure as l could ever be at this stage she's a great girl and partner she's shown that 100 times already.
And yeah most def' we talk many times about life together and l think it myself many times too about us and her us too. BUt l don't know how to put it but l'm also been in very cautious mode at the same time too, yaknow . And we haven't spent this whole time together she's has to go home, sydney, for a few weeks every month or so too atm so that's also helped me rein thinks back a notch and keep perspective. She's been up home 3wks this time and it'll be another 2 at least yet. her sons wifes sick and needs help with the baby.
Ahh man , if the visa was granted it'd be fantastic .
And yeah , l ask myself all that too so l'm pretty well answering myself there and lots of other stuff. We've been mostly just brilliant though tbh and one weird thing is we just seem to find this knack of just cruising in and out over any issues it's really bizarre , l'm always thinking hello this is gonna cause some serious stuff but we just float straight over it it's quite bizarre, nice too.
But anyway yep and thanks mate, l'm trying.
Just wanted to say hello and that I had no idea Visa could be so expensive.
It is good she has a lawyer but is there any chance of getting a second opinion.
I can see you are thinking through your thoughts. It must be so hard waiting.
You are always honest with your posts.
Have you talked with her how she feels about the situation?
Hiya quirk and thanks for the thoughts.
Yeah she's had a few opinions and l'm trying to get something independent too. l hate making phone calls on anything so heavy though, and they all want some money first, so admittedly l've been stalling. Yeah we talk about it all all the time, as you could imagine it's a major stress now that doesn't just go away.
Gday Geoff , always great to hear from ya mate. Yeah l agree about any visa stuff normally , heard a lot of horror stories over the years. lf it had been visa problems when we met l would've ran for the hills though , the difference and what makes this so awkward and hard to just know anything with is though, that we'd known each other 6mths before this happened.When we met there was no visa problems, she'd been approved years ago, saw all the paper it's all 100% legit.So we were just a normal couple starting out and going really well. But yeah , then this came along 6mths later . As l say l've seem the letters and went with her to the lawyers the whole shebang , all 100% legit.
But yeah , even so , if it comes to a re apply , l know , that's how l feel too so l just dunno. For me yeah we've been great it's all l could ever want, even much more and l gotta restress too there was no visa thing through all that.
But still it hasn't been long , if it was18mths, 2yrs, 3, and then this happened , we'd know more of what we really were by then , but yeah the fact it's well, nearer 12mths now since we met we worked out last night we've spent a touch over 5mths together in person out of that now so yeah , it ain't long.
So that's one of my two worries , the other is the bloody 7k, plus one for legals. Even if her son did pay some and she can save more, there'll still be a very decent chunk up short. Not only but you have to fill out forms, lots of them , it'd have to be a partner visa and they wanna know "everything", all your finances and work and everything else too, it's a monster form.
Mind you , it might not even come to that, the lawyer reckons 50 50. and it could take another 12-18mths to even find out. And by then under normal circumstances we'd know where we were at with each other that'd make it 2 and 1/2 years, except 2/3 of that would've been possibly in need of a new visa, so as ya say , it's still hard to trust under those circumstances.
l just don't bloody know.
l've been 100% honest about everything with her and that l'm not comfortable with doing any visa thing if it comes to that , any time soon, and especially that kinda money which l fon't have anyway.
She says if it comes to that we'll find another way..
l dunno, that'll be easier said than done though.