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Copying with infidelity/ long distance/ forgiveness or moving on

Community Member

Hi there, I’m here just to take things out of chest as the pain and hurt I’m going in thru is extremely unbearable. I have a very loud, bubbly personality but I’ve been reduced to few words a day.
here is my story.

I’ve been in a relationship for 11 years. Met my boyfriend after high school. Our relationship was great. We travelled a lot together, we were always there for each other, supported each other, we both bought our house (separately) and made plans to move to the UK last year. Due my cultural upbringing we were not allowed to live together.
Last year, we decided that we needed to take our relationship to the next level and get engaged. He asked my parents for their blessings which they provided and we were planing to have our formal engagement party on July 3 2021.
On thé night of 24 June, I received a call from a girl using my boyfriend’s number at 2am telling me that she was sleeping in my boyfriend’s bed and she’s done so for the last 3 months.
on that night, my world changed. My boyfriend later admitted to me that she wasn’t the only woman he cheated on me with. There was other 4 women. He admitted to the whole story but only after he continued to sleep with the other girl after I already found out about her for 3 days. The girl shared with me their texts, they took videos having sex and they even made plans to move to the uk together.
After I called off the engagement, He apologised and all, he was very remorseful and given that he’s the only man I’ve known and I still love him... I decided to work things out with him. However he’s now moving to the UK next month and I just learnt I can’t move as I’ve just missed the deadline for visa application as I just turned 31.
he wants to work things out but I’m having issues trusting him here let alone trusting when he will be overseas.
I can’t think straight, I can’t sleep, I can’t breath… all I want to do is cry all the time. I feel extremely hopeless. I cannot believe that he cheated on me… and even when he’s trying to be nice all I think about is him and the other woman. I just wish I could go in a coma for 6 months and not wake up. I can’t deal with this pain anymore. I am hopeless.

3 Replies 3

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Oh sweet heart. I feel your pain. I am in a similar situation. I went down the path of forgiveness and it didn't work. My partner kept up with his online affairs. But physical I could only imagine the pain you must be in.

I guess the questions you need to ask yourself are "can you trust him, can you forgive?

I rallying I had the words to make you feel better.

Try to remember this though. You are worthy and there is nothing wrong with you. Xoxo

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Etoile, and a warm welcome to the site.

When two people become engaged it's an exciting time between them, they make so many future plans about what they hope will happen, where to live and if they want to start a family and so much more, but when you know and realise that your boyfriend has cheated on you it all comes crashing down in disbelief.

Trust can be built once again but only if you believe what he says, the trouble is, every time the two of you are old somewhere, your eyes will be focused on who he is looking at or talking to, and if an argument begins each time, then you doubt his honesty, that's certainly not what two people need, especially when marriage is proposed because how you feel is where trust doesn't exict.

He will be os while you're here will create questions, and if my finance was in his position, I don't believe I could trust her, no matter what I'm told.

I am very sorry for you.


Community Member
Thanks black-Rose…. I can’t even explain the pain I’m going thru. I have forgiven him but I’m not sure I can trust him again and especially when he will be overseas. We still don’t know when the borders will reopen which means I don’t know when I will see him again. This whole thing sucks. I just want to close my eyes and not waking up.