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Coping with a breakup
I am f, 40 years old. 5 days ago my partner of almost 2 years and I broke up. I am not coping with it. I can't stop crying.
Back story. We have been trying to have a baby for over a year. I didn't get pregnant. I thought it was time to seek medical intervention. I had a fertility test done to check my egg reserves. The next step was him getting a sperm analysis. I brought it up with him on Sunday (not the first time we had discussed it) and he lost it. He took it so personally. It all blew up from there. I said some things I'm not proud of - basically implied that he's having a questionable relationship with his mother. And there was a couple of other things I can't mention on here. No one got hurt or anything like that.
I'm doing everything right. I've reached out to my friends, my Dad, my support workers. I've seen my Dr, I have an appointment with a psychologist on Tuesday. I'm still leaving the house - I went and did the grocery shopping today and sat in the sunshine with my cat. I'm spending time with my son. I'm taking my medication as the Dr prescribed. I'm doing everything right. And I still feel like crap. I see photos of my friends happy with their partners and I hate them. I want everyone to be as miserable as I am. I am also saying goodbye to my last chance to ever have another baby.
I don't know what else to do. I don't want to feel like this.
Firstly, welcome to the forums we are so glad that you found your way to this supportive and welcoming community. We hope that you find ideas, options and support from the shared experiences and knowledge of all our members. This is a safe space to share and express your own feelings, struggles and experiences without judgement.
Hello Cinderelessar, thanks for coming to the forums.
I'm sorry this has happened and surely if you are unable to fall pregnant, then tests for both you and your partner is only a reasonable request and there shouldn't be any qualms about doing this and it doesn't mean any guilt for either of you.
All your friends have different circumstances to what you and your partner are going through and it's very difficult to compare them with you.
May be you said what you did might have been in the heat of the moment, but you can still apologise to him if you love him and remember there are other options you can also consider, but if your results are good, then he might realise that he needs to do the test for himself, so are you able to connect with each other again, I hope you can.
I'm sorry you are going through this... At the same time, I'm glad you are reaching out for help. Pat yourself on the back for mustering up the courage to see a doctor and a psychologist. This step is crucial in overturning whatever pain you are going through. Sometimes, we tend to be harsher towards ourselves than we're supposed to and from what you have written, I can tell that you are falling onto this trap. Self-compassion is key here 🙂 After all, we're all humans, right? We all make mistakes from time to time.
'I see photos of my friends happy with their partners and I hate them. I want everyone to be as miserable as I am.' - I don't think this is helpful, at all. We don't know if, behind closed doors, they are also struggling with something else. Social media is shallow, people will often only show the bright side of their live there. Try to distance yourself from social media for now. You don't want yourself overwhelmed by all these pictures.
Nothing is permanent. This sh*tty feeling will go away soon.
I'm so sorry you are going through this and having to feel this way. You can't change what was said, though you can apologies, as you have done. Now might be the time to give him some space and the time to cool down from the heated words. You are in the situation to judge whether that's the way to go. You are doing the things that are suggested to help yourself cope and feel better. Staying away from social media might be a good idea as it can be upsetting when you are feeling this way. All of these thoughts and feelings you are having are sadly part of the process. I hope things work out for you. Here to talk if you want or need to.