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Hi Likeadream welcome to BB
It would seem to me that there are other little things piling up, and that these are are starting to bother you. Enough little things that you are now starting to question whether you want to spend the rest of your life with him. This on its own, is reason enough to reach out and seek assistance from a marriage counselor.
First, I think you need to reflect and explore what is or isn't working for you. Having accomplished this, or at least started it, you then need to have joint sessions with your husband present so to work out your differences and find a path to mutual benefit in your relationship.
Sometimes the idea of counseling raises alarm to some people. At first they may become defensive at the suggestion, or dismissive of the idea, both of which are normal reactions. It can be hard for many people to acknowledge (let alone admit to themselves) that something is not quite right.
Once both parties are on-board with using the counseling session to reset the course of your marriage, then you have a wonderful chance in getting back on track that benefits all concerned.
Your son is your main priority and your decision is whether there is a
As SB has said 'It can be hard for many people to acknowledge that something is not quite right' and often deny what has been said, and when this happens it could create more hostility.
It's not an easy decision to
When we split up 2 years ago,
the relationship between my fiance and son is a bit strained. my fiance has been FIFO for half of his life.
as for acknowledging something
Where FIFO can be a strain on a marriage (I did that for 2 years) it still requires effort from both parties to make it work. If you're the only person trying, then possibly you're delaying what might be the inevitable.
I recommend that you broach the topic of counselling once again, thought this time you might want to phrase it more like: "I think I need marriage counselling to make our relationship continue to work. Would you support me in this, and go to a couple sessions with me?"
By phrasing the question this way, I'm suggesting that you mask his perception about why he is going to see the counselor. Basically, you're allowing him to continue with his self-belief that he doesn't need counselling, and that he is only going to help you. (though, actually, you're both going for both of you.)
But then, if he is a stick in the mud, and refuses to go... even to help you... then you may need to reconsider your medium to long term outlook.
This is important. IF you decide that you are going to end the relationship, it is very important that you break up in whichever state you want to live in. As once you split up, neither parent can relocate the child/ren across state lines without the express permission of the other parent. So, if you move to his state, and then break up, you are stuck living in that state or having to have his permission to move your child to your state.
I don't mean to paint a bleak picture, but I think it's important that you consider all aspects before making any decisions. So, as your marriage is struggling, you need to ask yourself whether your partner is aware of this information and is moving you back to his state for the same reasons (but from his perspective).
I think changing cities/states is always a big impact on relationships. Often we move so that one person is better off, and the other one has hopes that they can build a new life with their partner in the new place. (By moving the your partner's home state, will he stop being a FIFO and have more home time? If not, then why move?) Also if you're marriage is already strained, can you - in good conscience - see a better life for yourself after the move?
I hope that all I have said is wrong, and that you are worrying over nothing. May you have the wonderful marriage you always dreamt of.
i understand that fifo requires work from both parties. My father was fifo my whole life (still is) I honestly feel that I try and try and everything is an effort for him. I try so hard to keep him up to date in the happenings of our sons life, and when my partner is home..he just doesn't try. I understand that we weren't together when I fell pregnant and this happening was a huge shock..but I changed every aspect of my life to be with him and be a family! As much as I love my partners family, they are fantastic soo supportive and accepting...unlike mine...I don't want to move back to his home state because if we do split for good..ill literally have nothing. Whereas in my state atleast I have friends.
another thing that I'm having a super hard time with is the passing of my mum. She died in a horrific way..(house fire)..we weren't close for the last 3 years of her life..but it hurts my heart to think of leaving her ashes. I honestly don't think I can...we have sooo many unresolved issues (I understand that we will never resolve them) but I think that is why I'm attached to her ashes!
Im just super confused...I'll speak with my partner in a few weeks. Hopefully my brain is a bit clearer then!