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I’d firstly like to welcome you to Beyond Blue and to thank you for coming here and posting.
Oh boy, what a situation.
From what you’ve described this sounds like it’s a snowball on a pretty steep slope, gaining momentum and getting bigger – I’m referring to your husband here. A “living hell” sounds a very apt way of describing things.
Can I ask, that say, prior to 4 months ago, was he for the most part “ok”? Did he have any of the tendencies that you’ve described below or was it a really massive changing of him and he’s totally turned 360 degrees? I’d be honestly super surprised if he was ok, cause the symptoms you’ve described really sound like someone who has this kind of behaviour ‘down-pat’ and that it is just second nature.
It is pleasing to hear that you’ve tried for him to seek professional help, but in these instances where the person who clearly needs it, won’t, then it really makes things terribly difficult for the sufferers (the sufferers of him, I’m referring to). Walking on egg shells in your own home is not the way to live, as I’d think you’d fully agree.
Do you fear for your own safety and/or that of your kids? I honestly think it’s bad enough that you’ve said that your children are scared of him. To me, that would be the catalyst for getting the hell out of there. To me, it sounds like you’ve tried, you’ve spoken with him, you’ve asked him not to say or do these things, but he turns it back upon you.
As I mentioned at the start, he seems like a snowball, gaining momentum and building up and with what you’ve described, he sounds like he could really erupt at any time in the future. I had a blood relation like this, and I just cut all ties with him … one of the best things I’ve ever done.
Would love to hear back from you.
I'll join Neil in welcoming you here to the Forum. As he has said you are the situation where you can see the obvious and most urgent need for your husband to have proper treatment, but sadly it is not something you can initiate, he has to do that. If the sort of encouragement you have been giving does not work then basically you are stuck. This is unfortunately a common problem.
I'm afraid there is another common problem too, clinging on to memories of happier times and brief snatches of normalcy in an otherwise toxic situation. For both you and the children it is a most upsetting thing to see your husband in this irrational and aggressive state even if you are not at the moment afraid of violence.
Living like this generates an awful lot of pressure and emotion and, if there is any choice in the matter, should not be faced alone. Do you have people to support you? Parents, other family or friends? Someone who will understand and want to help? If there is someone I think it is not a time to try to soldier on alone.
Ideally I guess it would be good to have somewhere for you and the children to go to for a while. Perhaps taking this sort of action might encourage your husband to do something positive, particularly if he can be made to realize he is driving his family away.
Both Neil, I and others here would like it if you came back and said what you thought