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Confused in a new relationship

Community Member
I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 6 weeks now and have been seeing her for around 3 months but i dont have strong feelings towards her. We are both 20.

She makes me happy when im with her and i love spending time with her but i just dont have the strong feelings like i have experienced in past relationships. Do these feelings take time to develop? because in the past they have developed quickly but obviously those relationships didnt work out. my last relationship wasn't a long one but i did get screwed over a few times but that was nearly 2 years ago now.

I dont find her attractive all the time and when i first met her i didn't find her overly attractive. I found her to rather just be a genuine good person with heaps of qualities that i like. we get along really well and we make each other happy.

I just dont have that spark that i have felt in the past when you just have that chemistry. Im worried that if i dont have that then the relationship wont work out. I feel comfortable around her though and that i can be myself.

I have had allot of ocd the past year and am trying to recover from some very bad periods and still experience high amounts of anxiety so im not sure if that has an effect. I get days where im doubting everything and just feel guilty because i feel like ill just hurt her because i know her feelings are stronger then mine. But i dont just want to quit on her because we get along so well and i like what we have. she is important to me and makes my life better i feel.

I have communicated to her that i get these doubts and my feels arnt super strong. I Just dont want to hurt her.

Please help!!
3 Replies 3

Community Champion
Community Champion

Dear Richmond101~

I think you must be a thoughtful kind of person to care how your behavior affects your girlfriend and very honest to have voiced your doubts to her. May I ask how she replied?

I can't speak for you, only myself. I've found that no two relationships are exactly the same, though in all cases I've cared for the other person and not wanted them hurt. I've also been lucky enough to have only been in relationships where we have made each other happy.

Frankly I do not think that 6 weeks is long enough to know either yourself or the other person properly. That does take time, and often a few hassles to see what things are really like. I guess if you are both happy together why rush - be honest with her and see what happens.

I can remember one other thing, and you reminded me of it when you said you had increased anxiety recently. When I've been really ill with depression, anxiety and other tings I've lost touch with myself and have had no idea if I was in love with someone, or even if I was still capable of love at all. As I get better I could see myself again and knew I still loved.

Again for me - it's really important I'm happy in the company of the person, trust them and respect their judgment, want the best for them, and can confidently expect the same in return.

"i like what we have. she is important to me and makes my life better" sounds pretty good to me.


Thank you for your reply! She is a strong girl but obviously gets upset over the doubts. I had allot in the first two weeks of the relationship and then they just vanished for a couple weeks and have come back again. it triggers my anxiety and makes me feel shitty.

The doubts make me convince myself that i should break up with her even though i dont want to. Its kinda like you dont have strong feelings and your just gonna hurt her and sometimes you dont find her that attractive so do you even like her. its an ongoing cycle and it sucks.

Well happiness is my main goal in a relationship and when im with her i feel happy. I think things have escalated quickly though and that can be scary.

Its hard its almost like my i cant feel my feelings and they are dull and maybe thats due to my anxiety.

Thats good advice thank you!

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi Richmond101, boy this takes me back to my days, I also have OCD and was always worried I might do or say something wrong to my first g/friend, the one I married for 25 years.

When you aren't with her do you wish you were, and secondly does she get excited when the two of you see each other.

Don't let your OCD try and convince you something that isn't the case, I know that it is difficult, but our minds work differently because two of the biggest symptoms of OCD are overthinking and obsession.

There will be times when we can't get past a bad thought and it will take a great of energy for us to try and cope with making a decision, but having someone by your side to help you through the tough times does mean so much to you.

Don't underestimate how important you are to her and always the other way around.

Try not to lose her, you will both learn to adapt to each other.