confused, husband says he doesn't love me anymore

[jojo05]

My husband has suffered from some form of depression for as long as I've known him (11 years) he's never gotten any help with it and has chosen to deal with it his way. We've had our fair share of problems in our marriage but have always gotten through them.

 He has a stressful job ​and i know there's things that have happened recently that have really triggered his depression but because hes stubborn he just continues on like things are ok.

Just this week completely out of the blue he has dropped this huge bomb on me and has told me hes not in love with me anymore, theres been no signs of anything thats lead to this, only the recent events with work which has really knocked him for a six. I couldnt be more confused because when I asked him why, what have i done he tells me he doesn't know, he cant explain, and has told me he needs space to figure out whats going on with him because hes confused and feels numb and empty,  all of this has happened and hes gone to work as usual and we havent had the chance to process whats happened, hes arranged to leave next week, which i think is his way of escaping the issues.

I know he has things to work out and has to figure out whats going on but i just feel as though he is leaving me to deal with something that dont understand and i feel really messed up and confused because i cant get any answers out of him. I dont want to come across as needy and selfish but im really at a loss as what to do because everytime i try to talk to him about we fight, i get upset and he tells me im making him feel guilty.

I really feel as though hes given up, i love him and don't want to just give up, what do i do, do i just go with what he wants or do i try harder to help him?

Thanks for reading

[geoff]

dear JoJo, thanks for posting this very difficult topic, which can happen so many times, and it's what could happen when someone is suffering from depression, is that want to leave the marriage or relationship, and then tell their partner/spouse that have fallen out of love with them, this could be true, but it's something which we're not actually sure of, because depression is so strong and can make anyone say this.

I know that by me saying this doesn't help your current situation which I'm so sorry for, but what I would like to add to this is in depression no one knows why they are, unless it is when they lose someone very close to them, so they can't answer any or all of the questions you ask of them.

The other point is that as much as you would like to know what's causing this depression, they prefer not be asked question after question, because this makes them close up even further.

What can also happen is that he may want to leave,but in the background they need someone to be there for him, because there will be times when he rings you up seeking help, or just wants to talk about what he is feeling, so it can become very confusing for you.

He does have to realise that there is much which he can't cope with so he does need to see his doctor, and you have to always say to him that you love him and that you are always there for him.

He may not appreciate this at the time,because a depressed person can never say 'I love you', even though deep down he does.

I hope that you can get back to us. Geoff. x

[pipsy]

Hi Geoff.  Don't know if this is allowed, jojo05 posted same topic under Supporting Family And Friends.  Are you able to copy/paste your same response here to supporting family etc?  Quite concerned as she really needs to know she's got help available.  I did answer her, but your response will also help. 

Thanks mate.

P.S  All going well with me.  Get Centrelink sorted (unbelievable).

[Chris_B]

Hi all, as Pipsy has pointed out, this thread is a double-up, so I'm closing it. Please continue your conversation in the original thread.

If you see double-ups like this on the forums, please report them to our moderators so we can keep things as tidy as possible.