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Confused, hurt and broken
hope everyone is well. I have decided to post here because I have been feeling low and frustrated lately. Particularly because of my relationship with my partner.
i have been living with my boyfriend for almost 6months now. I moved out of home because of family issue and ever since then i have been living independently.
my boyfriend has been very supportive to me ever since things in my life had fallen into wrong places and Im very grateful for that. I love him and i know deep down he loves me too. When things arent bad, we really have a good connection and the love is always there.
however, not to mention every time we fight, in which i would say MOST OF THE TIME, he physically and verbally abuse me. I wont go in so much detail but it has gotten far and now I feel so drained and depressed. Broken and hurt..
yesterday we had a huge fight, I was just there crying hysterically and as I was crying so hard it got him more angry and violent.
we live in a unit so i am 100% sure that our neighbours could hear us. I remember yesterday before he physically hurt me and kept yelling horrible things at me.
i couldnt control myself.. Towards the end, he apologised and said he wont do it again.. But the thing is he has been saying it for the past few months....
now im just so scared of him.. I was diagnosed with depression and been seeing my therapist however it feels like its not even working. Im not in any medication too. -Now im on my way to work, and I feel shit and drained from what happened yesterday. My body feels so weak, i just want to break down. I want to tell someone what happened but im scared.. I really am.. At the same time i do love him and dont want to ruin what we have.
there has been times as well that the police came and stuff but those times when they asked me if my boyfriend hurt me at any way, i never told them the truth...
Please, please i need some advice. Im on the train right now and i will have a long shift today and i just want to break down ;(
HELP ME PLEASE. my anxiety is building up. It terrifies me ;(((
Hi Ardenrose. You are living in a physically violent abusive relationship. I use the word relationship simply because, you say that's what it is. Actually you are not in a relationship, you are a punching bag. It's possible you denied to the police out of fear of retribution. You're terrified of what each day brings, when he's going to attack you again - leave, or get the police to get him out. You say you don't want to ruin what you've got, what have you got? Beatings, abuse. No-one has the right to abuse, beat, or slander anyone. You deserve to be treated the same as everybody else, with tenderness, love, kindness. This guy aint capable of anything because he has no love. I suggest perhaps it might be an idea to ask the police to help get you away or remove him. Tell them you denied the violence out of fear. Once the police are aware of the situation, they will be able to assist you getting away.
I am in agreement with Lynda. What you have described sounds like a domestic violence situation. Even more so when you say you didn't tell the police what had happened. I am very sorry that you have found yourself in this situation and clearly it is not good. Please, please seek some help. A friend, relative, GP, someone on the Beyond Blue phone line 1300 22 4636 or maybe Lifeline 131114.