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Confused, heartbroken and feeling worthless

Community Member

For the past 18months I have been in a relationship with the love of my life. Everything was perfect (well what I would count as perfect). I suffered bad anxiety and stress last year and it was impacting on my health badly. I changed some factors in my life and moved the 2 hours to be with my partner full time. I had a new job, new house, new life, the most amazing partner ever and a beautiful step daughter.

We have been talking about kids, Marriage and buying a house. We had ups and downs but everything was great.

Recently my partner lost his father rather suddenly. Since then he has been trying to grive but is also feeling very gulilty about only seeing his dad about 4 times in 10 years... Mainly due to being 3 states apart and life getting busy. Now he is also dealing with the normal will issues and family fued issues and trying to hold everything and everyone together.

The past 3 odd weeks he has been acting so out of character and being withdraw from me. But we were still having some good days in those bad days. Last week I finally convinced him to talk to me. He broke up with me. Hes only reason being that he has been thinking since his dad has passed and he now doesn't think he wants any more kids and he knows I really do. Apparently he doesn't want me to grow to resent him for it in the future like his parents did to each other. A month ok we had time lines organised to start trying fir kids. Now I get no say in it. He has made the decision. He keeps crying about it when we talk, telling me it's the only reason, that he still cares for me, doesn't hate me. But won't give me the opportunity to think or prove to him that I love him and his daughter more then anything.

I've been unwell the past 5 weeks but more so the past 3. I have had numerous tests and apparently I'm all healthy and I might be being diagnosed with depression in the coming week as it's the only way to explain what's going on in my body. But I don't want to except this. There are people much worse then me.

I want to be with him, they are my family and I now can't imagine my life without them. If it's because he has decided he now doesn't want kids and he knows I do shouldnt we talk about this first and then it be my descion not his? I'm so confused and my heart is shattered....

3 Replies 3

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Little Red Rose Bud

Welcome to our forums. I hope you find our responses helpful.

I am really sorry to hear how things are going with you. It sounds like you and your partner have been through so much.

First of all well done to you for getting your health back on track last year. Making changes is so hard but you have done it recently and you can do it again.

Your partner sounds like he is really struggling and maybe he is taking his pain out on you? It might be hard to support him while he is processing everything with his father's passing and the guilt that has engulfed him. What about suggesting he has a chat to a counsellor or psychologist? You can position it as being a constructive way of getting his thoughts in order ahead of the financial discussions with his family.

It is good that your test results have come back clear. Please keep us in the loop if you get other results back.

Look forward to hearing from you.

Blue Jane

Hi Blue Jane,

Thankyou for your reply, I don't think you know how nice it was to see your reply. Ment a lot.

It's so hard, he doesn't want to be at home on his own without me but then he says he needs to clear his head and stays out fir the night. It's been almost a week and he has only stayed home 3 nights since. We are in seperate rooms. He didn't cone home last night or say he was staying out. I decided not to message him. He msgs me out of the blue today apologising fir not msging me yesterday or coming home, saying he just needed some space to try and clear his head and wasn't sure if he'd be home tonight, he'd wait and see how he felt.

Both can't afford to move out on our own at the moment even thou were both working full time.

He Has said that he still cares for me, doesn't hate me and wants us to be friends. He has said there's no reason for either of us to leave as we can both stay here together at least for a while.

I've told him that I couldn't imagine what's going on in his head at the moment and that I feel talking to a close friend is a very good idea he didn't say no just said when I choose to tell someone my business I will...

Everything is mixed signals at the moment.

He has been cheated on in the past in at least 2 relationships I know off and they got second chances but I haven't been given that option. I have just been told that he doesn't want to hold me back from what I want or for me to grow to resent him later in life. I don't understand if I've done nothing at all wrong why don't I get a second chance with these girls that had broken his heart did get at least 1 more chance....

Ijust can't understand it all.

I'm Having trouble sleeping since he told me all this, but seem to sleep so much better when he is here at home in the other room.

I went fir a walk yesterday and felt great so am going to keep doing that and looking after myself because if it all becomes a huge reality I want my health to be a but better.

Hi there

I can see what you mean - very mixed signals. It is very strong of you not to text him when he stays out. Sounds like you are trying to give him space which is what he needs.

Unfortunately sometimes things don't make sense.

So good that you went for a walk. Getting fresh air and the blood flowing is a natural way of making us feel good about ourselves. I keep my anxiety under control (most of the time) by exercising, eating well, doing my breathing exercises and taking medication.

My issue was sleep for a long time. A natural remedy I use when I am feeling uptight and can't sleep is turmeric milk. I gently warm up a cup of milk on the stove, then I add a spoonful of turmeric (from the spice section in the supermarket) and some honey to sweeten it. It calms my nervous system and relaxes me.

Another idea is to read a great book - distraction sometimes helps!

Keep looking after yourself, it is key during this stage.

I hope things get better soon.

Blue Jane