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Concerned that my MIL's presence is affecting my mental health. PS we live under the same roof
4-5 yrs ago when my husband n I were looking at houses, I suggested we live separate for few years, till his parents retire and then we can move back with them so we can look after them.
That proposition did not land well with the MIL and there was emotional blackmail involved. So we ended up getting a house that could fit all of us in, 2 of us, 2 of them and have room for babies.
Ever since that incidence, every few months (4-8) I get in a really dark place. I hate my living situation and arrangement, which makes me so angry and frustrated and I go right into my cave and don't talk to anyone but I can't do anything about it unless I leave my husband.
Now, my MIL does not get involved in our lives at all. To the point where she n I don't even say Hi or exchange any words. Same for FIL. We don't even ask each other how we doing if we are sick... I feel like I'm living in a shared house with house mates I don't get along with. But this is permanent and no way out.
Mornings when she is at home, hearing her talk to my hubby or play with my child just triggers me negatively. I just can't stand her.
This is not what I imagined when I agreed to live with them when we got married. I imagined a caring figure in the house but this is far from that. And the bit where she outright refused to hear our proposition of moving out and now my husband feels I am not the corporative one..
Not to forget I hate that I'm bringing up my kid in this environment where I can't remember the last time I was happy.
how and/or what do I tell myself that I can be happy again...
Welcome to the forum, it is so great to have you join us here. We are sorry to hear that you are living in such turmoil. We can only imagine how challenging it must be to live with your parents in law and not have an amicable relationship with them. We can understand that it can be triggering to see them have a positive relationship with your husband and children, while not even acknowledging you. Entering a dark place every few months must truly be taking its toll on you and must be so difficult with no supports and no one to talk to.
If you would like some help finding mental health support, we would recommend that you get in contact with the Beyond Blue Support Service. They are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 1pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals.
We would recommend that you get in touch with an organisation called Relationships Australia on 1300 364 277. They provide relationship support services for individuals, families and communities and aim to support all people in Australia to achieve positive and respectful relationships.
You are not alone and we are all here to help you. This is a very caring and supportive community and we hope that you continue to visit us here.
Sounds like a mentally abusive/stunting relationship. Maybe express your concerns with your hubby about your mental health while you all continue to live under the same roof? Make sure you get the point across that you are not happy with the current living arrangements and feel like continuing to do so would very negatively impact your mental health and wellbeing. Let your husband know that you are wholly uncomfortable with the situation and cannot see a way to rectify the situation without you, hubby and child moving out to your own house.