Compulsive Lying

[Raghu]

I think I am a compulsive liar. I keep hiding things from my wife with regards to financial matters and my smoking habit. This is affecting our relationship. We have a 18 month old kid.

I want to change this habit of mine because I love my wife but my habit is hurting our relationship alot.

I dont know what i need to do in order to fix myself up.

[Piscorpleo]

Hello Raghu,

I myself have also been a liar, up until quite recently . It can really ruin your life, and I am sill healing. It is great that you want to begin healing and fix your errors! 🙂
I think you need to start by looking at the reasons why you lie. Show yourself a bit of compassion and understand that you don't mean to hurt your family , it is just insecurity .

the way that I combated my lying was by creating a 'truth book'. I wrote down the truths that I was too scared to say out loud, and presented this book to my boyfriend. I explained my reasons for lying - in my case it was insecurity and coming from a secretive background and family. Apologise to your partner, and let her know that you are making efforts to change. I believe that seeing a counsellor is he best way to do this 🙂 they will help you understand your insecurities and the reasons behind the lies.

[geoff]

Hello Raghu, and welcome.

We tell lies when we are kids so we don't get into trouble with whomever it may be, and we strength the imagination even to our best friend, and when they begin to laugh or even smile, it's further exaggerated, so exaggeration becomes a lie.

This is where you don't know what the truth is any more, so you ly to cover yourself, eventually you will be caught out.

Therapy with a counsellor/psychologist will give you the knowledge into solving real life situations and teach how to overcome this problem.

With your financial matters the truth will eventually be found out and the longer it is hidden the worse your financial matters will become, but there is a reason why you are lying.

With your smoking she will be asking you why are you always chewing gum or why do your clothes smell of cigarettes, so will she accept if you smoke only outside, but book an appointment with your doctor and if you want to, tell her why. Geoff.

[quirkywords]

Raghu

Thanks for your honest comment.

It is an issue I ponder on. So much I have a thread named How does honest affect your mental health.

You are aware yousometimes are not as honest as you coud be so I doubt you maybe a compulsive liar as they often tend to believe their lies.

Geoff and piscor has given you some good advice.

I think for a start you much be honest with yourself before you can be openand honest with others especially loved ones.

Quirky

[greginmelbourne]

Hi Raghu,

I used to lie so much in high school my friends started calling me 'Jaw', which isn't a flattering term in Ireland. Basically I did it because of my incredibly low self-esteem, so I guess I tried to create a better me, which then got out of control, and I became quite the fantasist.

Eventually,I realised that through honesty, with yourself first and then the rest of your family, that you can control it. But you need to be honest with yourself, and that can be hard at first. It will be, ultimately, very rewarding though.

You also mention that you have an 18-month old. Often, with newborns, your sleep patterns become erratic and that can really affect mental health. You should take a look at how you've been sleeping to see if that has also been affecting you. For example, you might notice that you lie more often after a particularly bad night.

Honest self-analysis is the key, and then being prepared to talk to your partner and your GP would be really great steps towards a change that everyone is happy with.

Good luck,

Greg