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Compulsive Lying Tendencies and Anxiousness

Community Member


Not sure if I am in the right area here but it is my first time and I figured I will be directed somewhere or maybe here!

So it has been a long time knowing I am lying to the people around me for a few years and even my boyfriend of a year now.

He caught me out several times and I kept making excuses or perhaps admitted I was lying but I really need to put a stop to this as this has affected our relationship in a major way. In fact in the last few days, it has hit me hard. I had to take 2 days off work! He is still standing by me, in which any sane person would have left by now. I am so grateful for him and I guess my good outweighs the bad in me. I know they say if you are with a compulsive liar and they steal from you then you must steer away but I know I will not do these things ever again and need to control the lying aspect. I fear trust even though I trust him but subconsciously I probably am not and it is an involuntary thing.

I have done some awful things like stole from him twice and lying about small things. The reason why I stole from him was because I was super desperate and I couldn't ask him as I feared he would get upset and not understand. I also went behind his back and borrowed money off his sister in law and told her not to tell him in whicg eventually she did and I do not blame her for that. The things I have done are very out of the ordinary for me.

I grew up as an only child with an unstable mother who is constantly abusive verbally and who was an alcoholic. She has not been diagnosed with any condition but I do believe she has major depression and other issues. I am now 32 and fear I might turn into her knowing it is not who I want to be and my Dad has been slightly supportive but unable to talk to him about this as he is over 75 and he has his own issues.

Currently I am going to seek help and bring my partner in to let him know I am going to get the treatment needed. He also insisted in coming and I have no quams about that.

I also haven't been able to tell my parents I have been dating and living with my partner for a while because of cultural differences, moral, etc

I feel like I am in a bit of a mess. But I am just seeing, do I have hope and is my partner being silly for wanting to go through all of this with me now? The trust has been broken but he has hopes and it will take time.

4 Replies 4

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi OP, welcome

You have a gift you are unaware of....insight.

Having insight...you either have it or you don't and rarely can one develop it. So where di you go to from here?

Short medium and long term healing to gain trust. People will fall into one of those categories. If you breach trust at all you could lose them forever so be careful not to fall into old habits.

Self praise. Categorise your past flaws as the old OP. That was then, not now. Tell yourself that many people make errors and underneath all that, you aren't violent or nasty, just someone that was immature and almost risked losing lived ones by dilly decisions.

Therapy, counselling. Great you man is going with you. Keep it 100% honest. If he lives you he'll admire you for it.

Congratulations in taking your first step. Made possible by insight.

Just Sara
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Welcome OF;

Kudos for the courage to share and allow us into your world.

White Knight's reply was spot on; I reiterate his words of encouragement and advice.

My advice? It's never, ever too late to disclose, heal and find humility. Recovery takes place over a lifetime.

Congratulations...I wish you well...Dizzy

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Of

Welcome to Beyond Blue. White Knight has said it, you have the gift of insight. You know what you are doing and how to put it right. Many congratulations. Your BF is staying with you which is great. We don't get many second chances in this world so you need to be careful.

If I may suggest, take time to consider how your BF feels. You may believe you know this because he has told you some of his feelings. Try and put yourself in his position and see what you would think. I suggest this so that you have a full picture of how he feels and how/if he is hurting.

Keep up the counselling and keep talking to your BF. While you are both talking from the heart you will deal with this matter and heal together. My best wishes for you both.


Community Member

I know this has been almost over a year since my last post and I have come back on to see people have actually replied and I appreciate it muchly. Thank you. I am still working on a lot of things and unfortunately my BF still won't come to any sessions and sometimes get the blame for things. I am almost at the end but I really hope soon he comes to a session with me as he has anger issues (and sometimes controlling) and I have a little bit of depression and anxiety which can cause clashes and I am doing my part by seeking help but he is refusing.

Any suggestions?