Clinically Depressed Boyfriend And What Do I Do?

[_M_]

Hello, I would like advice on how to continue connecting with my boyfriend. We have been dating for 4 months. (I know it may not seem long but he's extremely important to me). He has been clinically depressed for over 3 years. Our relationship began quite well and it has had its small depressive moments and fights however through communication and support from some friends we were able to overcome those. However, he has hit a really deep depressive state. He has asked me last night that we take a 4 week break. we talked it through and I agreed if it would help him then I could do that. During our conversation I asked him what has initiated the break. He said he isn't interested in anything anymore (which is true he has stopped doing the activities that he usually likes doing) and anything intimate with me it doesn't interest him anymore (ik he isn't cheating). He has had a lot of trouble focusing and has had recent suicidal thoughts. I felt like I shouldn't leave him during this time. However, he made it clear he needs a break and it wasn't just with me but with his best friends as well. I respected his decision and told him that I would be here to support him and if ever needed to talk. He set an estimated time in which he said he would contact me and I would like to know, how to treat this situation. I love and care for him deeply and it pains me to see him like this. I want to be someone he knows he can trust, but I know how unpredictable it can be when it comes to depression. Once he reaches out to me, how do I talk to him? He will currently start on antidepressants in a day. He has tried talking to a therapist in previous years however, he said that it didn't help him. He says that nothing seems to be working. He's embarrassed over the fact that he feels this way. He doesn't know why he feels this way. It's been weighing on him very heavily. Is there some sort of process that I would follow? It's been a day since we talked but I have spent the day researching depression to better understand it. I just want more insight into what's to be done or said when he reconnects? (and his best friend will keep an eye on him just in case, throughout the "break" weeks)

Thank you, M

[Sophie_M]

Hi _M_,

Thank you for sharing this here. This must be an incredibly difficult time for you both, and it's really good that you've shared here. It sounds like you are a really caring and supportive partner, and it sounds like you’ve been really understanding, both allowing him space, communicating with his friends and finding out how you can support him while respecting his wishes.

It sounds like you've had some really helpful conversations with him already. It can be really difficult when someone doesn't want to see a mental health professional. In case it's a help or a comfort, there’s some advice here on having the conversation when someone isn’t sure they want to see a professional, and on encouraging them to create a suicide safety plan. Some find it can be useful to remind the person that there are lots of ways to access support, including online and self-help options, and that professional support is always there for them when they want it. You would be absolutely welcome to ring the Beyond Blue counsellors to ask for advice and support with this, on 1300 22 4636, or reach them on webchat here (11am-12amAEDT).

It’s so important to be aware of your own emotional wellbeing during this time. Please remember to reach out any time you feel you are struggling, to the Beyond Blue helpline on 1300 22 4636, or you can reach our counsellors via webchat, here. Of course your partner is welcome to contact us too, or there’s our friends at Lifeline on 13 11 14. We can hear it might be hard to encourage him to do so, but we are here all the same. The Black Dog institute also has some support groups you could look at by selecting your state from the options, here, if that seems like a suggestion he might be more open to.

Please continue to share here, whenever you feel comfortable. Our lovely community should be able to spot your post at some point, and there's a lot of kindness and wisdom on these forums. I think they'll really appreciate you reaching out in this way to help him. 

Kind regards,

Sophie M

[_M_]

Hello Sophie_M

Thank you so much, I will definitely have a look at those links, and when he reaches out to me I would like to know is there any male support groups? That would be available just cause he isn't one to share emotion with anyone. Just being able to provide a way for him to not be embarrassed by what he is struggling with.

Thank you, M

[Sophie_M]

Hi M,

That's a good question and a good suggestion. I' m afraid we can't make recommendations to specific services here on the forums, but we'd recommend having a look through the Black Dog Institute list and looking into the services in your state. You could also encourage him to to ring Mensline. They have an online forum and provide counselling on the phone or via webchat.

We hope that helps, and gives you some avenues to explore. 

Kind regards,

Sophie M

Kind regards, 
Sophie M