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Child Support my ex plans on giving it straight to our 16yo daughter so she won't spend time with me.

Community Member

My ex recently and fairly put in a claim to CSA as he has about 90% care of our 16yo (she spends time with me but rarely stays over) he told me he didn't want the money he wanted me to spend more time with her we also have a 19 yo that lives with me 100% unfortunately she doesn't come under child support even though she is still studying full time. I have no problem supporting both our daughters and have been paying for the 16yo tennis lessons, mobile phone and had agreed to pay 50% of her school camp he rarely helps our out 19yo financially since she turned 18 last year. He has since gone and got our 16yo a new phone and left me with a contract cancellation fee of $1000.00.

I received a letter from CSA on Friday (2 months after the initial claim) saying that he has asked them to collect payments and both my daughters have told me he is going to give it straight to the 16 yo so he is now rewarding her for not spending time with me she also has a part time job and is earning about $100 a week. At no time prior to contacting child support did he contact me and ask for the money or give me his bank account details so I could pay him directly.

The thing that annoys me most about all of this is that it is like our 19yo doesn't exist he just doesn't care that I wont be able to provide for her and his income is nearly triple mine (120k to 45K), I barely have $100 a fortnight left after I pay mine and our other daughters living expenses. He also has a new wife who's income would be similar to mine (I know this isn't considered by child support and rightly so but just pointing out that he has a lot more disposable income than I do) I am single and now plan on staying that way for the time being. The thing about all of this is if our 16yo spent 1 night a week with me I wouldn't have to pay him anything, she moved in with him because she didn't like the guy I was dating.

I am planning on sending him an email stating that as I am now paying child support I can no longer afford to pay for our daughters tennis lessons or 50% of the school camp. I will be telling my 16yo old all of this first.

Any ideas on how to word the letter to my ex would be appreciated as he is likely to pull it apart and twist everything I say to our daughters (the reason I'll be explaining all this to her before sending the email) and make me look like the bad guy because I won't pay for things even though I'll be paying child support.

2 Replies 2

Community Member

Been through alot of the CS stuff myself on both sides

Yes your daughter will be angry you have stopped paying for tennis, phone etc.

But that's the whole point of CS they determine the fortnightly payment based on shared custody time and income....as you know this is too cover living expenses and costs....don't beat yourself up for not paying extra on top....thats after all what CS is supposed to negate


Definitely not beating myself up I'll be explaining everything to her before I contact me ex I would prefer to leave her out of it but the past has shown me he will bring her into to it so I need to talk to her first. My 19yo is awesome I've asked her to pay board now only $50 a week just to help out some costs (she has a part time job and receives youth allowance) she understands what her Dad is like when it comes to this sort of stuff and appreciates that I've always tried to leave her out of the money stuff.

Don't mind paying for stuff just cant pay child support and continue paying for the other stuff hopefully she understands that.

The staff at CSA have been really good unfortunately their hands are tied.