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Let's deal with other people later.
I must contain my anger towards people like your husband and the reason is sumpke- a lady he loves sacrifices her body shape and risks her health (and often sex drive) to supply him, his little family, some children only to reveal a few years later that the ramifications of same is what now turns him off...or at least doesn't turn him on.
His answer for this is an affair (emotional and/or physical) , doesn't matter it's an affair, and furthermore blames you (gaslighting).
Ok, I've vented, now what do you do?. Well that's a personal decision. With this problem recurring several times your choices are limited. Accept it, means very likely he'll take affairs further or leave. Not many choices. A single woman with children could means not much chance of another relationship for some years.
I think also you are preoccupied with other people's thoughts. These people don't live with him nor tolerate his indiscretion. You don't have to answer their questions but if I was you and I'd split with him, I'd simply say- "I don't trust him and trust is essential foe me" end discussion but thankyou for being understanding."
I know I need to leave, I know there isn’t trust and never will be again but I also know we just bought a house that I can’t afford on my own. I have done the figures and seen how much child support he would have to pay me and it’s not enough to survive.
The kids love the new house and are the happiest they have been in years, I will break them if we have to move. My son is starting at a new school near our house this year after 3 years of physical bullying and he is happy. I feel like I have to sacrifice myself for them.
I feel my husband knows this too, hence him being all sorry now and not wanting to lose me. It’s the same words every time but actions speak louder than words and his actions don’t match. I can’t even remember a time he has organised a sitter so we could go out as adults. I have always had to sort it out.
Honestly I don’t think he can parent or do life without me as I have just always picked everything up and done it. I don’t want to big note myself but besides the sexual part of our relationship I am a bloody catch, I love and support them to the best of my ability.
I know I have to leave but I don’t think i can for my kids, they don’t know about what their dad has done just that mummy is struggling with her emotions
Hi, touched by your story as I am going through something similar with my wife. First you need to work on your own health and happiness, if you are not well within yourself you can’t be there for your family. As my marriage has been crumbling I reached out and got professional cognitive help from a psych which has really helped. I then confided in a couple of very close friends who were non judgemental and have been there for me. Despite still feeling the pain m, for now I have learned to live in a loveless marriage and get my joy from my children and my friends. As an aside your husband was very lucky with sex being initiated 2 times a week. For us it was lucky if it was monthly even in our good times but I didn’t complain, I just kept being a good husband and dad and tried to understand the hardships my wife was facing as a stay at home mum. Good luck.
Thank you for responding and I am sorry that you are going through something similar. I wish you all the best in the future, you must be an amazing daddy sticking around for them
what I struggle with is my husband has always said that he still wants me and loves me and wants to be with me but continues to play these games. I wish he would almost just make the call that he is in fact unhappy and wants to move on.
Been a different women that he has ‘picked’ up around town. He says they have never done anything sexual but the text messages that I read are very very sexual and make me sick to be honest. They have also been sending nudes so I don’t think he is turning to them for support.
I know he struggles with our son he has very high needs and complains that I put him first but I almost don’t have a choice he needs assistance he is 8, if he is going to be able to navigate the world on his own when he is older he needs support now. My husband doesn’t have a great relationship with him. So often makes me feel bad for supporting our boy.
Re: "The kids love the new house and are the happiest they have been in years, I will break them if we have to move. My son is starting at a new school near our house this year after 3 years of physical bullying and he is happy. I feel like I have to sacrifice myself for them."
I worried so much about my kids losing their full time dad I rang their school daily. Eventually the headmaster said "Tony, childten are more resilient than us adults"!!
If anything, childten learn life lessons through adversity and disappointment.
Anyway I'm glad you have a few responders to get a cross section of ideas.
Totally agree kids are resilient but we only moved into the new house 3 weeks ago, my son is starting a new school and already has ‘problems’. My daughter really struggled with the move and is struggling that her brother won’t be at the same school but also doesn’t want to move schools. My dad is sick and the kids aren’t coping with that.
moving out of our new house into the unknown is going to cause more damage than good right now (I work with kids I get it)
I did the figures I can not afford this place on my own even with child support. Why he didn’t just leave when we sold the old house I have no idea. It’s all a game for him.