Cheating

[Irish_Lady]

Is going to brothels cheating? I have just found out that my partner has been going to brothels for the last two years. When I confronted him about it he said he only goes there because we don't have sex. In the last two years I have had two sons so between the tiredness, stress and been overwhelmed with having my first son and then feeling pregnant for a second time so soon after my first I haven't wAnted to have sex and now half of me feels like it's my fault and the other half is like no I didn't do anything wrong. What do I do now?

[CMF]

Hi Irish Lady and welcome,

Ummm I would say yes. You took a vow when you married and I dontbtjink there would have been an exception for him to be intimate with other women if you are not in the mood. I had 2 kids under 2 so totally understand the tiredness and pressure of being a wife, mother, homemaker, lover just to name a few. I think it would have been nice if he spoke to you about how you were feeling and why rather than look for elsewhere. You wouldn't be the first woman to lose interest after having kids and that doesn't mean all men go off to brothels. It is definitely not your fault. Perhaps some couples counselling is needed?

How would he react if it were other way around?

Wwishing you the best.

CMF

[white knight]

Hi Irish Lady, welcome

CMF is spot on as usual.

Ok, I'll be frank. My first wife and I had two children 3 years apart. Our marriage lasted 11 years. She had zero interest in sex except to have children.

I never contemplated cheating on her and no, its not your fault. The act of blaming the victim here is appauling. How selfish of him and dishonorable let alone deceiptful.

You have to make your own choices. A leopard doesnt change his spots.

Good luck. Take care and welcome here anytime.

Tony WK

[geoff]

hello Irish Lady, I think CMF has summed it up by saying 'How would he react if it were another way around'.
The problem is that a comparison between the person at the brothel and yourself may come into a discussion especially if you have an argument.
Even if there is a mutual agreement doesn't mean it may come back to hurt the marriage. Geoff.

[Juliet_84]

Yes, I think that virtually all people would consider going to a brothel as cheating, and the fact that your partner has made you question that is appalling. I think he is acting very entitled, entitled to have his needs met by any means and since you won't give it to him, entitled to get it elsewhere. If you were feeling stressed, tired, overwhelmed, perhaps a more suitable course of action would be for him to help alleviate your burden, not with the expectation of sex, but because it helped you, and then you may have actually felt a bit more interested. This shows a terrible neglect by him when you needed him most.