Me and my partner have been together for 7 months now & we have a very loving, trusting relationship. He knows everything about me, my unfaithfulness in previous relationships, my ex struggle with depression, anxiety and suicide. My partner has always been very closed off about his past. I know his ex cheated on him a few times but he doesn't really open up.
2 weekends ago we went overseas together for our first holiday. I could never fault my boyfriend, he is so loving, caring and everything i could ever wish for. This holiday was perfect.
One evening me & him got into a little tiff after drinking & when he passed out i decided to go through his phone. What i found then changed everything.
There was an app called 'kik' open, there was some messages between him & another guy of which he had messaged this guy saying 'my gf is mad at me & i dont know why?', of course i investigated more. When i scrolled through the messages i saw photos of me being sent to this guy & this guy sending videos back. These photos i was unaware were being taken & even had been taken earlier that day. My partner was telling this guy to think things about me & asking this random man what he should do sexually to me.
He was also talking to this girl, she was sending photos/videos to my partner & he was sending videos of himself to her.
I was so in shock at it all i woke him up & threw his phone against the wall screaming at him. its all a bit of a blur what happened but obviously i was distraught, i was trying to leave the hotel room but he was standing in the door. i felt violated, prostitued, cheated, lied too. Next my boyfriend went into the hotel bathroom (we were in bali still, it was about 1am in the hotel room) and had a full flown anxiety attack. i had never seen him like this. I stopped yelling & screaming and just tried to talk to him about why he would do this too me.
He explained to me that it was a self sabotage thing. It stemed from ex relationships and 2 unfaithful ex girlfiends & he just assumed i would do the same. He wanted guys to want me so he would feel lucky to have me but he also wanted girls to say he was worth something. His reasons were very confusing and still to this day im lost as to why he would do this too me.
Ive decided to be there for him to battle whatever is happening and he is currently seeing a psych to sort this out but this is still hard on me. How do i get through this to support him?
