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Cheated, pregnant and fell in love

Community Member
I’ve never cheated before & have been loyal my entire marriage. I’ve been with my DH since 04 & generally been a good marriage.We had our first child in 2016.Long story short, he cheated on me with his family friend who came here from overseas whom I did a lot for.It felt like the ultimate betrayal & bub was only 4mnths old. Things were rocky for a while & it still comes up when we have a huge fight. For the last 6mnths its felt like our marriage is hard.we argue & I prefer being out with others.
3mnths ago , I reconnected with a guy I had worked with. We hit it off, went for dinner & started seeing each other a lot. For the first time in a while, I felt vry happy, loved & totally mesmerised.I realised this was very wrong but my feelings were so strong & we ended up sleeping together. Even the sex is something that I’ve never felt with anyone else.
This is horrible. He is married with 4 kids. 3 which are still very young & 1 who‘S a teen (from his first wife.)
When I first found out that he had the 2 babies, I wantd to end it. He told me his marriage has been rocky for a long time, isn’t happy, planning on leaving etc.
I never thought I’d be that person who‘d cheat, let alone with a person thats married with children. He treats me like no other man has & we have this insane connection in every way. We make each other happy.
My plans were to leave my DH, as was his.. eventually. I never expected to fall this deep with anyone & I don’t think he did either.
I recently found out I’m pregnant. Theres a small chance that it could be my DHs. I don’t want to have an abortion. It makes me sad but I don’t feel like I have a choice. I can’t tell my DH it may not be his. Someone told me to have it without telling him & wait until I get a DNA to confirm.
I am at 8wks & although it’s the size of a blueberry, is tiny, I feel like it’s a life. I don’t know if I can live with that guilt of killing something.
He OM said that he wants to have kids with me but not in this situation.That by having it now, it will break both families. I realise we should’ve thought of this before. I’ve said to him that he doesn’t need to have any involvement or tell his wife.
I am so confused to & I’m going crazy at the thought of what to do.
I feel like it’ll break both families apart if j keep it.
It really dawned on me that I’m such a horrible human being for having an affair with someone that has kids.His poor wife. His poor kids. My poor unborn child. My poor daughter &DH. I am a mess.
1 Reply 1

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi JessicaY,

Welcome to the forums. I hope that you find some support here. Most people on here are non-judgmental and helpful.

It sounds like you are on a very difficult situation. I do not think there is a way to keep everyone happy.

You need to really think about what YOU want. Do you want to stay with your husband and work it out or do you want to leave and be single?

I say be single because it really does not sounds like the other guy is committed enough to actually leave his wife right now. He might sometime in the future, but unfortunately you don't have a lot of time left to make this decision.

You also need to decide if YOU want the baby, regardless of who the father is. I had a termination when I was 18 and I do not regret it at all. It was the right choice for me at the time. However if you feel strongly that abortion is wrong then it might not be the right choice for you.

Will you be able to love this baby not matter who the father is? What if you are a single mum?

I think you should have a serious discussion with your husband. Tell him everything. Either you two can forgive each other and move on or you can't.

I would also really suggest getting some counselling. Either for yourself, or as a couple, or both. It could really help you sort things out.

Please keep posting here if you need/want to.

Kind thoughts, Jess