Cheated on

[Readytogiveup]

Hey folks

i recently found out my wife cheated on me about 3 years ago

and im truly devastated and I don't know what to do we have a 2 year old son together and he's the only reason why I haven't left yet I know for a fact she cheated on me and yet she still lies to me

I know within myself I can't trust her ever again and I can't stay I've tried to make a go of it but I'm scared that if I stay I will resent her and that's not fair on our son

[white knight]

Hi Ready, welcome

Its hard to comment on. I feel sorry for the position you've found yourself in.

It wont be fair on your son whether you stay and harbour resentment or leave and he loses his full time dad down to an "arrangement ".

The only way to move forward on this matter is to seek guidence from a counselor. You can contact Relationships Australia.

I dont think I could trust her again but sometimes we have to step back and review all facts including how long ago, the circumstances, your child and her attitude.

Tony WK

[Neil_1]

Hi there R.T.G.U.

I agree with Tony, that I think trying to seek out professional assistance in this is something that should be done, as well as trying to get as much information about it as possible, if that is possible.

You say you are sure it happened, and yet it sounds from what you say, that your wife is not saying that it did.

So either way here, the trust in the relationship is quite shakey at the moment.

Do you think that counselling would be a good option for the two of you (or just even yourself?)

Kind regards

Neil

[Starwolf]

Welcome to the forums, Readytogiveup.

Not an easy situation to resolve. Perhaps it is time to sit down and write a list of all the pros and cons and also of your feelings and concerns. Writing things down helps clarify our thoughts to ourselves. We often end up surprised at the results.

It is not easy to regain trust once it has been betrayed, particularly if the lying is still ongoing.

If your wife doesn't agree to joint counseling sessions, you can seek guidance for yourself. Talking to a neutral outsider helps get down to the bottom of your feelings.

Ultimately, it is up to you to decide whether persisting in this relationship is a viable option. If resentment and distrust still remain, staying in a toxic situation may later impact negatively on your son.

Once you are clear about your feelings, trusting them is the way to go.

[geoff]

hi Readytogiveup, good replies from those above me as always, however it's now an awkward situation, and you can answer this yourself, are you able to trust her again and you have said you wouldn't, so do you believe it won't happen again, that's a decision you have to make even if it's by instinct and/or knowledge knowing that's it's happened, well aren't two parents who are separated who can show their love for your son happier, surely it's better than two parents who don't trust each other living together and don't know what's going on, sorry but to me it's something that would be an easy decision to make. Geoff.

[Guest_128]

Hi , I feel you have already given up,

Either way it shouldn't be about your son(is it your son)

It will take very hard work and as stupid as it sounds it could make your relationship better.

Have you been totally faithful to your wife?

Dory