Change happening in lots of areas and feeling isolated

[Melbourne_girl]

Hello. I have recently moved interstate with my husband and children to live in his hometown where his family live. They are very different to my family especially my parents in law. If it weren't for my SIL I would be completely lost. But still her views and their views are very different. I have moved away from my parents, of which were my everything, my biggest support and my kids soft place. I have left oldest dearest friends, work friends my brothers and their families and a home town which I loved. Friends here are few. My new jobs are stressful and I'm taking a long time to understand the systems. I feel lonely at school pick ups. It is extremely hard to make new friends at 41yrs old and I actually don't want to. But I feel so lonely and out of place. Nothing is familiar to me anymore. My husband lacks empathy of the stress and how lonely I feel by moving interstate new job new house losing family / friends, despite him living in my hometown for many years and being in that same position. My kids miss grandma and poppy immensely. They have so much more compassion and interest in the kids lives compared to my in laws. I can I feel whole again and stop feeling so sad?

[Doolhof]

Hi Melbourne Girls,

Welcome to the community here at Beyond Blue. It can be very difficult when you have to move for one reason or another. No two families are ever the same, and it can be confusing trying to understand the way a different family works, acts and behaves.

Regarding your family, I know you can not have physical contact with them, but these days there are so many ways of keeping in touch. Can you try to stay in touch with your family as much as you possibly can. The children could draw pictures for their Grand Parents.

Maybe you could print a lot of photos of your family and make a collage for the wall. It might help to make them feel closer.

You mentioned you are working, could you ask someone at work to join you for a coffee after work if possible. Or maybe a short walk together in your lunch break if you have long enough.

At school pick up, say hello to a few parents and see what happens.

When encountering people, you could mention you are new in town, could they recommend a hair dresser, park for the children to play it, Dr, dentist, anything to start a conversation.

Three years ago we moved to the country, to a place where we know no one. I joined a volunteer group, went to a local Church and joined a craft class. We have made a few friends here over the time.

I sometimes take myself out for lunch, to the cinema and to a café for a coffee if I feel I have no one else to invite to join me.

Keep in touch with your family, find creative ways to make the distance not seem so great for you and your children. Try to accept the differentness of your in laws. You don't have to have the same views or opinions. I have just learnt to bite my tongue and let other people's points of view go in one ear and out the other.

Hope you can soon find some sense of peace with where you are.

Cheerio for now from Mrs. Dools

[blondguy]

Hello Melbourne Girl

Welcome and thankyou for having the courage to in your difficult time right now.

Even just moving house on its own is right up the scale of major life events that can effect us. You have done more than just move house...you have moved away from your family, friends and your kids miss their grandfolks too.

If I may ask you.....was it your husbands work the reason your family re-located?

It would be a huge culture adjustment as you have mentioned. The only temporary bridge I can suggest besides Mrs Dools excellent advice is to get Skpe video calling enabled if you have a laptop or a PC. It might not be much help but at least your children would have some facial contact with their grandparents..

You are more than welcome to write back as many times as you wish...I am in Melbourne's Southern suburbs.

My Kind Thoughts for you!

Paulx

[Neil_1]

Dear Melbourne Girl,

Welcome to Beyond Blue and thank you for providing your post.

Oh wow, this is a very tough situation you’ve described. To completely up-root that all you knew, were familiar with, were comfortable with, and so much more, to then be placed into an environment removed from all of that.

Having moved interstate, it’s not like you’re going to be able to jump in the car and say, drive a couple of hours to go and visit them – seems much longer than that. How did you feel in the lead-up to leaving and was it a joint decision? Were there any “clauses” put in place, just on the chance that this major move might not work out? Ie: something like, to give it a decent try, say 6 months to a year, to see how ‘we’ both feel about it?

Have you spoken to your husband about how you’re being treated, especially by his parents?

If your husband is lacking empathy and the stress that this is causing you, do you think that chatting to his sister might help; in that, she could then go to him and talk to him?

I’m not sure if any of my above has helped, but I hope even just a little has – I really feel for you M.G.

Would love to hear back from you.

Neil

[Melbourne_girl]

Thankyou so much for your input. I've read your post a few times now at various times and really appreciate your support. You've given me some good ideas. Thankyou. I love that I actually don't feel as alone with these problems I'm dealing with.

[Melbourne_girl]

Thankyou Paul, like the others you too have really helped my mind. Thankyou so much for your input. I've read your post a few times now at various times and really appreciate your support. You've given me some good ideas. Thankyou. I love that I actually don't feel as alone with these problems I'm dealing with. And my husband did get a new job and thus the interstate move, but he was always on a mission to return to his home town and nearby work locations 😌

[Doolhof]

Hi Melbourne Girl,

Sharing my problems with others helps me to feel better about my issues when people offer advice or at least acknowledge I have a situation I need to discuss.

It is not always easy moving somewhere new. I find the best thing I can do is to make the most of where I am. I've made some friends here and lost a few friends as well. That happens.

My husband was away last weekend, I was invited to a quiz night at the local hotel, attended and really enjoyed myself. They are having another quiz night this Saturday to raise funds for a Sort club, so I have invited my husband to join me this week.

Keep your eyes and ears open to discover what is available in your area.

Cheerio, from Mrs. Dools

[Seriously_Scarred]

Hi Melbourne girl

I too have just moved to the melbourne area from interstate 6 weeks ago. I can totally relate to how you are feeling. My depression has spiralled since the move. We moved here due to my husband getting work here. I have left my eldest son (23) back home, my elderly father and mother in law, all my friends and other family.

Im not working as I care for my 15 year old son who doesnt leave the house due to severe anxiety and depression. It is so weird moving to a place where you barely know anyone. My husband is working 12 hour days so we dont see each other alot and my 21 yr old daughter is moving here this weekend so Im looking forward to that.

Im not sure how I can help you other than to know there is someone out there who understands how your feeling. Hopefully over time you will make friends through work, or maybe join the school P & F group.

Hope things improve for you.

[blondguy]

Hey Melbourne girl

Thankyou for writing back....It means a great deal to me:-) and your kind compliments too! Your heart is kind you speak from it too!

You are wonderful

Paul