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Can’t let go
Hi there my beyond blue friends. I’m looking for some advice and possibly a bit of knowledge from someone who has been through similar. I know I know, we are all different.
My story is a complex one yet I will give you a snap shot of 3 and half years. My partner of 10 years left me in the beginning of 2015. We have two wonderful children. The eldest was 5 and my youngest was 3 when she left. Quick back story. I had a nervous breakdown a year before but was diagnosed incorrectly as it being trauma. I was a mess and was still quite very low when she left. She had enough of looking after me and the two children at the same time. I was so heartbroken. I was desperate and broken. I tried to hold on to her and get her back.
I just can’t seem to let go. I can’t. She is seeing someone and there are times it tears me apart. I just cannot let it go. She’s on my mind and I need to know what she is doing etc etc. It doesn’t allow me to be present. What do I do. I have severe depression, not because of it but I was wondering whether that exasperates it more. I don’t know.
I can't actually speak from a similar experience sorry. But I wonder if you have had a read through some of the other threads in this forum, and found other people who have been through similar and posted in previous threads?
It sounds like you have been through a really tough time of it for the last three years or so. Having a nervous breakdown, an inaccurate diagnosis and treatment that may or may not have made it worse, and your partner leaving you – that’s a lot to have had to deal with, all while trying to be the best parent you can be for your two young children. Being a parent is hard enough, let alone while managing all of your experiences as well.
It sounds like you are still trying to process her leaving, and come to a point of acceptance. It may be that you are still grieving for her and the loss of your relationship. I wonder if you might benefit from some counselling for your grief and loss? I would expect that your Depression is making it worse, as you are probably struggling to challenge your negative thoughts, and finding yourself stuck in a cycle of rumination and despair. Does that sound possible?
I hope you are able to access some support that will hep you to cope with the losses you have experienced,