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Can't keep going on
So last couple months have been tough. Been feeling so constantly down and worthless with nothing making me feel better.
So for context in the last 12 months I've been working a new job which I love however its 12 hour shifts 3-4 days in a row sometimes and can be stressful somedays. Wife of nearly 10 years is a stay at home mum who hates the fact shes home all day even though she wanted to quit her job and I told her at the time she would regret it. We have an 8 year old son together.
So lately all we seem to do when I step in the door is fight and all my days off she would rather complain and argue then actual spend time together. We have had the talk and both have said that neither of us are happy and if it wasn't for our son we probably wouldn't be together anymore. We also have a house that will start being Built in 2 weeks so we're not sure what we're going to do with that.
Nothing I ever do seems to be good enough, nothing makes her happy. Haven't felt emotionally connected to her in as long as I can remember. Feel trapped in a miserable marriage to be honest.
Then out of nowhere a new girl starts working in my area. We instantly connect and become really good Friends really quickly. I find myself forming a deep emotional connection with her . At this point I start to try and distance myself from her as much as I can which is very difficult When you spend 12 hours a day working with someone. She starts to bring me in coffee and home cooked meals to work just so we can talk and spend time together. I had started working out at the gym to try and cheer myself up and then decided it would be a good idea to invite her to become my gym buddy as well.
So at this point other coworkers and friends had pulled me aside and asked if there was anything Going on to which I told them no. Sure we had a deep emotional connection And flirted alot and spent alot of time together but I didn't want anything but friendshipfrlfriendship. A close friend told me that maybe I should ask her directly if shes into me or just being friendly to which I did.
She said that shes into me hard but the timings Just bad because I'm married. After hearing her Say that I realise that I've been crushing hard on her as well. We still talk about it, spend time together, hug, do dinners. I feel everythings So easy with her and its pointing out all the flaws with my unhappy marriage.
So thats my headspace. Unhappily Married, crushing hard on coworker, pressure is building up. Trapped
Its pretty common when working close and in small teams to form a bond, but as the old saying goes....Dont defecate where you eat!
Like you said timings bad, you've got a new house and a wife and son who are the priority.
If your marriage ends then thats ok, but it should end because you decided for it based on the issues at home...not because you see grass greener on the other side.
Maybe look into counselling, or have that genuine heart to heart with your wife and lay it all on the line and about your work friend and see what happens.
The breakdown in communication with your wife and the ensuing friction is not uncommon in many marriages. I reckon three quarters of the people reading this post can identify with it. As the novelty of our marriage sinks beneath the daily humdrum of domesticity, the bills come in, the parenting responsibilities and the dreary business of just coping with life become normal it is easy for relationships to suffer.
Then we (usually at work) find ourselves working alongside an attractive colleague where the jokes, laughter and dreams seem so easy. They're often easy because you're only sharing the good things, not the all the problems and challenges of domestic life.
Take it from me, the grass is greener syndrome is real and is rarely a conduit to a happy and rich life. The way I see it you have only two choices.
Option one is to cancel your relationship with your work colleague and work on rebuilding your marriage. How you rebuild is an issue that is deserving of another post by itself.
Option two is to end your marriage and work on rebuilding your life. Notice I say "life", not necessarily partnering with your colleague.
My advice is do not take your relationship with your colleague to the next level while you are living with your wife and son. No matter how your wife is behaving, betraying her is not the answer.
Good luck Roxas.
Appreciate the feedback guys.
Hardest part about all of it is that I wasn't Looking to fall hard for someone else, so feel pretty scummy about that. I understand how the grass isn't always greener but the grass at home feels like it's dead no matter how much I try and water it. Feel like I'm just banging my head against a wall while this other relationship I've developed is so easy and emotionally satisfying.
Wife doesn't want to go to counselling because she doesn't believe it will work. Feel like I've been trying my best but she doesn't want to meet me halfway.
So yeah just trying to find a way to deal with my misery at home, my strong feels for my co-worker and trying to just find the energy to make it through each day. Its all so draining
Why don't you try spicing up your relationship and secondly - since you have started wondering, it's going to be a lot harder to look after a family that you already have, ay?
I am no specialist, however, maybe you need to focus on your health and wellness by focusing on making your wife feel special. Do what you did when you both first met. Plan things, make her laugh, take her out to dinner, spoil her, show her the reasons why you are the valuable and loving person she needs.
When she argues, learn to not be defensive (if you are) and make her laugh instead of firing her up.
Oh and remember not to neglect your family by cruising for someone else - when you are too busy focusing on someone else, you lose focus on the ball and your partner may even see the red flags - food for thought.