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Can't cope with break up *Trigger Warning: Domestic Violence*
,I have been in a relationship for 3 years I have kids but not to this man, the other day I kicked my fiancé out, its all my fault, I'm so alone I think I was co dependant on his alcohol issues why else would I feel so horrible?he was great he loved my kids I pushed him about his alcohol problems he would never drink around my kids or his own, when the kids were not around it was alcohol poker machines and sex constantly, I hate sex now because it was all the time he was a sex addict too &drink so much, &here it comes yes in the past he was violant he did abuse me but I think he learned his lesson cause in the past year he hasn't laid a hand on me, it was more emotional abuse, any normal woman would run for the hills,why do I feel so bad why can't I be happy I finally said enough is enough.Well that's why I'm here I can't cope & I need help, I went my doc after work today as I'm struggling to even get out of in bed eat sleep shower anything. My doc put me on anti depressant, i feel like my heart is gone I'm a empty shell and I'm so scared of my future I'm scared of him moving on.what is wrong with me ? Even to sign up to this was pain everything is so hard here's..about me, I have no family except my kids who I adore, I have one friend who has a partner and can't be there for me I meditate at night to try soothe the waking up in shock, when I do sleep I wake up with terrible anxiety and panic attacks.please give me some advice, I'm petrified I miss him yet still am strong enough to stay away I'm forcing myself, I'm 33 I'm not a kid yet I feel like one, hurting crying wreck, Xmas is coming and I will be alone I don't get my kids till the day after Xmas, I feel maybe I fed on the fact he needed me too I know leaving him was the right thing to do just my heart doesn't seem to know that, work is horrible but I force myself to go even if it means hiding in the toilet to cry, it's not just crying that I can't take its the emotional pain. I know to take up hobbies, make friends, excercise, eat right & do all those things but I can't even do them to be honest if it wasn't for my kids I wouldn't even be alive right now, I do meditation, to help me sleep, I've thought about al anon meets though they seem pointless if I'm not with him anymore. when asked how I am my response is well I'm still breathing.I work with all men and every one of them is married, I'm the only girl so I can't even cry to anyone
Hi Helpless one ,
Firstly, welcome to the forums. I am sorry to read about what you have been through, it sounds very tough.
It does sound like leaving him was the best thing to do given what you have described as no one should have to live with that, I think the missing him stems from the fact you are alone and it is what you know, the lifestyle just isn't healthy and I commend you for standing up and taking the step of effectively breaking up with him, many people just stick around in those relationship and choose to just be unhappy out of fear of being alone. I was very glad to read you went to your doctor as you realised this wasn't right all these feelings and that is a huge first step and you should be proud. Did the doctor recommend maybe speaking to a psychologist at all? I think it may have benefits for you as they are great at helping sort through your emotions and feelings and trying to help you better understand them and deal with them. I would also recommend it as you also said you didn't think you would be alive right now if it wasn't for your kids, those sort of thoughts need to be addressed. I have been there with my anxiety, waking up in the middle of the night in a panic, it is never fun what so ever. I am glad you are practising meditation as well. I know you said you are all alone but this one friend you have, have you been able to speak with them about all of this? I know it is daunting but you have done so well writing here and seeing the doctor, you are already on your road to recovery. As I said above, I am a long term anxiety sufferer mixed in with depression and I know how hard it is when your minds just take over. You mentioned hobbies before, is there anything you like doing, something to take your mind off things? You can get through this, it just takes a bit of time and I think through it all, you are also nursing what is a broken heart along with everything else so I understand how you are feeling.
Please remember you can call the Beyond Blue helpline on 1300 22 4636 24/6 to discuss how you are feeling, they are trained professionals.
Please, post back as much as you like, I am always happy to talk.
My best for you,
I too want to welcome you to the forums and acknowledge the big step it took to sign up and to make your first post.
This is a safe, nonjudgmental, caring and supportive place.
Jay has given you helpful advice. It is good you have made a few steps in reaching out for help.Many people never admit they can't cope and need help but you have.
You write so clearly and honestly and I am sure there are those reading who can relate.Did writing down your feelings help? I keep a journal and I find writing down my thoughts helps me to make sense of what is going on in my head.
I have hidden in a toilet and cried when I have been out in public. The thing is you made the effort to go out. You are not alone.
You are doing a great job with your children wanting the best for them.
Breakup are never easy and they are always emotional. You know you did the right thing but of course you will feel lonely,