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Burnt out, not coping and a miscarriage to top it all off

Community Member
I really don't even know how to articulate how I am feeling.
My husband and I have been married for 2 years, (second marriage for each of us after both coming out of abusive/ toxic relationships).
Anyway, if you had asked me up until about 3 weeks ago how my marriage is, I would have told you it is amazing. We make the best team, are patient and kind and appreciative of one another.
I don't really know what's changed though. Without going into all the details of the back and forth between us, lately we have just been at each other.
Hubby has bad anxiety. He is on a MHCP and has just started seeing someone. I recently had a miscarriage, and we have a 1 yo and a 2yo. We both work full time hours over 4 days a week, and hubby has been doing a job he detests for about 6 months.
I have tried to continue to be supportive, to ensure the household is run efficiently. I take care of all the household finances (hubby can't cope due to his anxiety), I look after the kids and all their needs. (hubby is a good dad, just doesn't do as much for the kids, just the fun stuff). I help him with his work, basically do most of everything. He will help around the house and is great at maintaining the house (mows lawns, gardening etc).

Just lately, I have been feeling like I can't cope anymore. Maybe it's the miscarriage, but no matter what, hubby picks a fight with me every other night. He is very critical of me, then gets angry when I cry. He tells me I'm gaslighting him because I tell him to stop picking on me and to be kind. It's really pushing me to my limits. I am so tired. not just sleepy, but weary in life, if that makes sense. I'm not depressed or suicidal, I just am weary and don't have the energy to keep going like this. Hubby is snoring beside me after another fight with no resolution or understanding, and I am left to work through my emotions, alone. You really can feel lonely, even when you're not alone :(

As I suspected, I have not said anything I want to say as I just can't articulate it, and I also don't want to write a novel.
Any advice on what I should do when hubby is completely unapproachable due to his anxiety, I have no family to turn to because they are party of the problem (hubby gets upset with how involved they are in our lives), and I have just made new friends and don't want to scare them away with asking for their help/ support?
1 Reply 1

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi OhSoTired,

I'm so sorry to hear that you have been going through this, it really sounds like a lot.

To me I understood the situation perfectly! I think that you really articulated it!

I am so sorry to hear about your miscarriage, most importantly how have you been coping with this?I hope that you are able to have the support you need during this tough time too.

From listening to others when arguments like this can arise, often it comes down to communication. We come into a conversation with different expectations and feelings and arguments can escalate when we are on 'different pages'. It's really good to hear though that your husband has started seeing a mental health professional though, do you think that this will help him become more approachable?

Have you perhaps thought about seeing someone yourself? It can be very tough when we have so much on our own shoulders and it sounds like you do so much for your family. Someone once told me that it can be very draining when we are trying to take care of others when our cup is empty. It's important to 're-fill our cups' too.

I look forward to hearing from you, we are definitely here for you!