Building a Shark Net

[Cumulus]

I only have 17 friends on FB and met them all in life. This guy knocked twice.  I ignored him first time, then the second time, I asked him if we had met. He said he was a musician and we friended in 2007 about a creative project, and he then sent me all the messages to validate this. He later admitted he had met me on dating site…so he had been keeping me on file enjoying my portrait profiles.

From April we shared music tastes, projects, philosophy, and then photos as kids of the 70s, struggles with depression and mental blocks.   His honesty made me feel safe to talk about my struggles with mental illness. He slipped once, and was overtly sexual, sensing discomfort, he called to clear it up. Next day sent me photos of him with his daughter. I knew he was authentic with his name, as he posted images of his band in the studio which had computers with current dates, and his mates would comment using the name he gave me, and he would call me.

I had no reason to worry, but I was becoming very reliant on him. Though always talking about how busy he was, he was in contact with me nearly 24/7 for hours. I’d wake up to a good night text with kisses, and see at 1 or 3am, he had liked and commented on every post I put up. The slippery slope started when  I had a serious set back losing my job in May- he jumped right in to PROTECT me from myself - the seduction game started.

I asked him several times if we could meet. He said he wanted more time to enjoy me, and he felt it in best interests for me to wait. I said we needed then to stop the intimacy  - he became belligerent and said I had made that up in my head - he spoke to me like he would his Aunt and Daughter. 

Calmly, I  sent him all the intimate messages, and sensual photos he had sent me (generally after a powerful counselling self love session). I did not enter an argument – just showed him the facts. My carer  then became my abuser - I was an IDIOT, other women did not complain, he did not respond to expectation and and he didn’t want an ‘ugly feminist lesbian’, he wanted a vibrant sexy woman.

My response - if he wanted a vibrant woman why was he pursuing a sick woman? He has been blocked - but I was left shocked -  I was LOVE BOMBED.  I’ve locked all my photos and removed portrait profile photo. I have changed privacy settings so only friends of friends can request to join my site, and I’ve locked down my FB page.

It is a sad and dangerous game that man is playing. 

[white knight]

Hi Cumulus, welcome here.

Your post confirms to me what I needed to learn only a few years ago- how diverse humans can be with their thoughts,behaviour and treatment of others.

I had such a friend 30 years ago. He'd visit me and my first wife fortnightly with his lady friend. Each time in a different car. He'd tell me he bought the wrong car then he'd bring another and another. Then one day he sold me one.

I collected the car. The clock stopped working, all sorts of electrical issues. It cost a lot to be fixed. Then I told him I found the battery was connected on the wrong terminals.The lies started. "Oh, yeh, I swapped it for a better battery for you as you are my friend" "It must have been the actions of a guy at a service station" then "my girlfriend changed the battery incorrectly"

A while later he and his girlfriend split up and she rang me to tell me it was all lies. That when he changed the battery himself he told her that "Tony wont realise this is a bad battery and an old one".  I dumped him there and then and only then did he get nasty as your ex friend has.

I had to develop a defense strategy and my comfort zone. But to this day I remain too vulnerable and welcoming to strangers. So what can we do to protect ourselves.?  I use my wife a lot. Her judgement is sterner than mine. Interesting enough, this is despite my one time occupation of prison officer and security work. So my view is that its our traits we are born with. I'm a hug a stranger type....

Otherwise put it down to experience and move on. And dont think all guys are like him. We arent

Take care Tony WK