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Broken hearted

Community Member

Hi everyone,

I feel so happy to have found these forums. I am a 26 year old female. I work full time in a pretty stressful job (emergency services). Shift work also takes its toll on me.

i was in a relationship for almost a year with a really great guy who is so different from anyone I have ever met, until yesterday. We were extremely close and have never had fights or anything as we are both usually pretty relaxed. He was very kind and thoughtful.

We have both had pretty bad childhoods and not perfect lives but instead it has bought us closer and he always said to me that we are a team and go through everything together.

The last few weeks he has been under a lot of pressure and became distant from me, I did everything I could to help him etc. but he broke up yesterday as he feels he can't put me first anymore.

These last few weeks have been stressful as we found out u was pregnant, it was not planned but we were still happy. There was complications with the baby which made me very sick and almost died and I had to have surgery the day before he broke up with me.

Previous to this Rship I was in an extremely abusive relationship and very afraid to let someone in again but I did and now I feel so upset and don't know where to go from here. I feel very alone

9 Replies 9

Community Member

Hi Rkovacs,

Heartbreak is a hard emotion to experience, its sad to hear you are going thru it.

Sometimes outside forces sneak in and unravel our lives, and we tend to bottle things up. He may be so overwhelmed with what has happened, that he has withdrawn into himself, and away from everyone else, a fight or flight response.

I don't know if there are any words I can write to ease your feeling of loneliness, I went thru a breakup 6 months ago and felt so damn sad and lonely. Now after some time has past, I feel a lot better, so, I'm sure in time you will start to feel better too.

I know its easy to hide yourself away in moments like these, but I encourage you to enjoy the outdoors. Feel the sun and breeze on your skin. Dive into any hobbies you enjoy, basically occupy your mind. This will help time pass.

I recommend seeing a counsellor, they are of great benefit to unload to, and can offer coping strategies.

Peace and love,


Community Member

Thanks for your reply. I have been seeing a psych off an on for a few years so I will make an appointment today.

it was so hard for me to let someone in again and open myself up. And now I just feel so sad for doing it

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Rkovac,

I am so sorry to hear what you gone through over the last few weeks, and especially over the last few days. To have the complications with your pregnancy, and then surgery, and then your partner break up with you the next day ... that is a lot of trauma you have gone through.

I am pleased to hear you will make an appointment to see your psychologist, you will benefit from that and I'm happy you've posted here to get some other support.

It sounds from the timing of things that maybe did the unplanned pregnancy freak him out? You said he was happy about it, but the timing of him pushing you away and being distant coincides with the pregnancy. Have you been able to communicate with him since Saturday when he left you?

I hope you will write more here, i really feel for you. I hope you are being very gentle with yourself. Sending positive vibes your way ❤


Community Member

No it wasn't the pregnancy I don't think, although he was very upset because I had been through a lot and was sick. He said that the loss was hard for him too, but I feel like he still has no idea about what I have been through mentally and physically.

But he said he has his own issues, which i know about, he works full time and long hours in a stressful job and has started studying a few weeks ago at a course I encouraged him to apply for. He just says he is very Messed up and feels like he can't put me first anymore.

I did slowly notice some changes he didn't want to look at me when he was talking to me or kiss me and he says it's just because he feels so low and not happy anywhere he is.

i also work full time in a very stressful job but I've taken a few more days off.

we haven't spoken since he left my house on Saturday although he said he would 'talk to me later'. I don't feel like I should have to message him first, it was not my choice for this to happen 😞 I didn't want to break up. He said he still wants me in his life and to talk to every day. But lately I just felt like I have been annoying him anyway when I talk to him, before we broke up.

I went to the doctors today and they have given me a prescription for some anti depressants to help with my anxiety and depression over this

i just feel so sad and upset

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Dear Rkovac,

Of course you are sad and upset ... i am so sorry for the loss of your baby, i wasn't sure that had been the outcome from your first post, I'm so sorry. You are grieving this loss, and to deal with your partner leaving the next day ... you have a lot of grief and trauma happening here.

It sounds like he has been dealing with some depression of his own for a while ... it is such a blow to you that he is choosing not to be there with you as you both mourn this loss.

I understand you not feeling you should contact him first ... i guess you should just go with what feels right, but it must hurt so much mot being able to express your feelings, and hold onto the person you loved and saw a future with. I wonder if a message telling him this would help? I don't know, of course you will know better as to what is right for you.

Did your dr or the hospital offer you access to some grief counselling?

Do you have people you can lean on for support right now?

Go very gently with yourself.

🌻 birdy

Community Member

It's so hard to deal with by myself and I don't have many people to speak to only one or 2 good friends. They have been pretty good so far.

i just feel like it will do no good, and that he doesn't want to be with me. I might give it a few more days and see if he talks to me.

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

That sounds like a plan

I am so sorry you are going through these deep hurts one piled on top the other and him not there to hold you.

Did you manage to get an appointment with your psychologist?

Don't forget you can call helplines too, if you need to talk this through.

Community Member

Not yet, I should do that. It is very hard to get motivated to do things at the moment but I feel a little better than on Saturday I suppose.

it is just good to talk to other people so I feel less alone

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

I understand, it's very hard to get motivated to do anything at all when you are feeling like you do now.

It's a big gold star for you for being able to get to the doctor today 🌟

BB has a helpline if you ever want to talk to someone between now and when you get an appt with your psych. 1300 22 46 36.

I'm glad you're feeling a bit less alone.

It's good that you've taken some time off from work, i think that's very much needed ... when do you have to go back?

You must be feeling physically and emotionally sore, bruised. I hope you are doing some nice things for yourself? run yourself a rekaxing bath? light a nice candle? snuggle up and watch a movie?

Time to look after you.

🌻 birdy