Breakup Blues

[C_E_B]

Hi I have joined for some support, I'm 24 and have been suffering depression for many years. Had a relationship breakdown 5 months ago and I had to move back to my parents house which was hard. This has really affected my mental health, confidence and I feel angry. I dated someone and took on his child as well I gave my everything to him and his son. I was besotted by him and some days he was a good boyfriend and he was funny and made me laugh but other days he wasnt interested in the relationship or a future together and if I tried to discuss anything he would loose his temper. Long story short we broke up and he didn't seem to have a care in the world and I have not heard a word from him since it all, I thought after he would realise he made a mistake. While I accept it's over I feel stupid and like it's affected my confidence in myself because I was so besotted by someone who does not care.

I feel like this breakup has got me into a rut I feel down all the time when people ask me how I am I say good but I know it's a lie. I am so tired all the time I spend a lot of time asleep when I'm not working because i don't wana deal with anyone or talk to anyone. I'm a nurse and I use every ounce of energy I have to get myself through a shift and put a smile on my face even though inside I feel empty and negative. I know I'm very depressed and in a rut but I feel ashamed to talk about it and I always think in my head I'm sure I'll be fine tomorrow but it never happens.

I think some advice or someone who understands would be really good I just want to be happy and feel normal again

[geoff]

hello C.E.B, there's no easy answer when a couple break up, it's always very sad and so upsetting for one of the people and in this case, unfortunately, it's you who is suffering, and can not work out why he would be so insensitive now when in actual fact he was so caring.
That is something I can't explain and there maybe many reasons you are trying to understand why, but because you don't have any answers could quite easily put you into depression, where you may pretend to your workmates, friends that everything is OK.
If you were living with him and his son and then to move home feels like you're being cramped for space, in other your parents know exactly what are doing each day and trying to help you, but in the wrong way, too much pressure.
If it's possible you need to move out and get your own flat by yourself or with someone else, which will stop that feeling of constantly being watched and being asked question after question.
Never feel ashamed, it's something that has really upset you and of course you are going to feel like this, and you have every right to, but in any r/ship there are always secrets which are not told, hidden away, and being a nurse there must know someone you can trust in helping you to overcome this, whether it's at another venue might make you feel more comfortable. Geoff.

[Croix]

Dear C.E.B.~

You have a lot on your plate, life has not been kind. I do hope you feel welcome here , Geoff has already given you some pretty good thoughts.

The first thing I've got to say is relationships are not like a company merger - all intellectual and planned out. Without a healthy dose of 'besotted' on both sides they are never going to happen - it's called falling in love. The wheels fall off when only one feels that way and the other simply goes along because it is pleasant, or for sex or a nanny or some lesser reason.

You ended up being the one hurt, his (and his son's) great loss.

I would imagine for many going back to live with the parents can seem a step back - but at least it does give you somewhere to go to - how do you get on with them?

You said you have had depression for a fair while, may I ask if you are under treatment? I can only go from my own experience which is that I could never have improved to the place I'm at now without medical help, meds, therapy, support - plus the support of my partner.

The things you list, tiredness, sleeping rather than doing, not dealing, putting on a mask, all sound like me when depression grows. So if you are not currently being helped I'd strongly suggest you go see your GP and get things started.

Being a nurse is a very heavy vocation at the best of times. I should know, both my late wife and my offspring practice. Keeping yourself in good mental and physical shape is most important. Do you have anyone you can talk with, who will understand and want to help? As I said personal help was a big part of my improvement.

I think if you look around this forum you will find a fair few who have been in your situation. It may be seeing how they coped might help, and let you feel less like it was just you.

We would like it if you posted again and said what you felt

Croix

[Claire_26]

Hi C.E.B

Thanks for taking the step to make your first post. I know it can be so difficult when you put everything you have into a relationship and then for it to not work out. I agree with the comments that Geoff and Croix made, that just because you move back in with your parents does not necessarily mean you are moving backwards. It is a temporary living situation that you are in but you have to remember that it is not a permanent one. I think it is incredible that you are a nurse, I know the amount of effort that goes into your work and the long shifts that can take some of the energy out of you. But I can't stress enough that you should never feel ashamed for how you feel. You would not want one of your patients to feel ashamed for a physical injury, why should you feel ashamed of a mental injury? I know it can be so easy to just shut yourself away in your head, however the problem that people constantly suffer from is that we are often harsher on ourselves. You should never feel like you can't talk to someone and I think you have taken a massive step by posting to this forum. I look forward to hearing from you in the future 🙂

Claire_26