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Breaking up with a child involved.

Community Member
I have recently broken up with my partner because of personal reason. I have Borderline Personality Disorder so it's very hard for me. We have one child together and I would like to have shared custody but he doesn't want to. I'm in and out of hospital so I can see why. I'm terrified that I want be able to see my son. How do I go about this?
4 Replies 4

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi Emily, welcome

Sooner than later make an appointment with a family court lawyer. Get one nearby.

Be prepared. Write down your medical history and any relevant details like your illness, reasons why you have no trouble looking after your son etc.

Even if you ate on good speaking terms with your sons father you MUST protect yourselg and get custody and visiting issues in writing.

People have a habit of breaking promises.

Tony WK

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Emily97,

Welcome to the forums and thanks for your post.

Tony WK has given you some great advice here. I'd just like to add to it -

Most hospitals have a Social Worker; I highly recommend you get in touch with one. They can help you navigate some of the tricky things that can come with negotiating custody. Your medical history is one- but instead of just writing it down it might be about accessing your files from the GP or getting a support letter written from your psychologist (assuming you have one of course).

One of the things you might want to consider is some of the issues that might pop up preventing you from getting custody. What is it about BPD that you're finding difficult right now? How can you best be there for your son despite it all? What strategies can you put in place so that he is always cared for? Maybe this means developing a support plan for when you're feeling unwell, or recruiting more people on your side like psychologists, psychiatrists, GP's or mental health nurses so that you're not feeling alone. How old is your son? If he's at school it might be about liaising with the teachers and school counsellors there so that they can look out for him there and identify when he's not himself - i.e. struggling at school because of what's happening at home.

I also support what Tony WK said about getting things in writing; but not just visiting issues - any contact that you have with your partner from here on in. A notebook might be helpful, or even just on your phone. Calls, emails etc. This can help show that you're taking control and being proactive, organised and responsible. Even though it may seem silly at first all these little things can definitely add up later.

This website might also be helpful - www.familylawmattersaustralia.com.au

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Emily,

I'm only 16 so I perhaps can offer a perspective for your son. I'm unsure about how old he is. Assuming he's under 15 and can't make the decision himself I think the first thing to do is get a lawyer like the others suggested. For your son, do not bring him into the court matters or anything to do with child support once arrangements are made, even when he's older. I don't have any advice regarding the legal action but I wish you the best of luck as your BPD definietly should not stop you seeing your son - that isn't fair. Make sure to support both yourself and your son through this x


I'd just like to commend romantic_thief for adding ideas to my post. Great work

And SarahLULU, what a mature relevant reply from you....!!!