Breaking the umbilical cord... For good!

[Redrose94]

Hi everyone,

im 22 and still live at home with my mum & younger brother (21)

my mum has bipolar 2. & unemployed. It makes it very hard to have a good relationship with her, because she always tries to control me and my life choices.

nothing I ever say or do is good enough. For example, I made minestrone soup today, and instead of appreciating what I cooked, she 'nicely criticised' the soup how I should've done it this way, or that way... Just shut up and drink the soup!

my mum gets jealous of my success, she lives through my friendship circle and can't seem to stop gossiping about other family members, and everything is always so dramatic.

she exaggerates, lies, controls & manipulates people to get what she wants. I'm sick of it.

im aware I need to create boundaries... But how?! She is everywhere & our house is small so I can't just simply go 'into my room'

how do I stop her from controlling me and having a hold on me emotionally?

I can't move out, as I'm currently unemployed. Family therapy doesn't work because mum thinks she knows better than the therapist.

Any advice would be helpful

[geoff]

hi Redrose, I can understand your other post about 'trust issues' when your mum tries to control you, and can see how difficult it is for you, so just a couple of suggestions, as you are unemployed and I would think that hopefully you are getting fortnightly payments from centrelink and if this is the case then centrelink will be able to supply any bond money if you want to move out from home, plus you will be able to get rent assistance, and if you need any furniture then some of the op shops can provide this for you.
Another option is to move in with a mate or mates and share all the costs, rent, food and utility costs, or maybe your brother may want to live with you, so I wonder whether these are feasible for you.
Unless your mum is getting medical help for her bipolar 2 then she is not going to change, but it seems to be a double sided sword here, and please I mean no harm here, but are you living with mum to help her, or feel as though she needs someone to be living with her.
If she thinks she knows more than the therapist then nothing will help her, in other words she will dispute whatever is said, just as she has in telling you about cooking the soup, so I wonder if you have been getting therapist help just for yourself, because living with someone who wants to take control is always difficult. Geoff.