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Break up due to sons behaivour
Need some advice.
ive been in a relationship for close to 12 months. I have a 12 Ye old and my partner has a 9 Ye old full time and doesn't see the mum which he seems to accept. I've had ongoing issues with my sons behaivour with his disrespect towards me and attitude. Yes he's 12 but it's an issue at times where adults don't want to be around him. He's great everywhere at school with friends and when he stays at people's houses and everyone comments on how good he is.
we all went away at Christmas with other families and my sons behaivour wasn't great. It did put a downer on the holiday a little. At that time I thought I need to book him to a psych which he has been to every now and then but the whole month of Jan she cancelled his appointments for family reasons.
At the time my BF wasn't happy with his behaivour and he said at Xmas he had my back and support. Last Sunday we were at his friends house and their kids had a fight with my son and he called the girl a "... dog" NOT OK. My bf was outside and I left and wanted to chat after the fact. Basically he said he wanted out of the relationship when we spoke in person he said it was due to my son. My son sent my BF a message saying sorry and I need some help with my behaivour and I don't want you to break up with mum. He did acknowledge his message and say he needed to work out his own issues. He rang me the next day after the text from my son Saying He was weak and He wasnt happy how He handled the situation and it's how he rolls within relationships and he's scared and felt trapped but couldn't explain that. I'm not high maintenence in any form. We never had a fight in the year and our two boys are great together no issues there. We were happy nothing else I see was bad. We were telling each other we loved each other the day before this incident occurred. My BF is under severe pressure with his business financially and had two mates pass away in November. I just feel he's done a knee jerk reaction. I sent him a message saying you said you wanted to talk more and I do too and his response was "I'll call you when my head is clear"
so I said ok it would be better to communciate sooner rather than later that was only on Wednesday.
Thanks for sharing your story with us. It is disappointing the psych was not able to keep the appointment with your son. Are there other options you can chase up regarding help for your son?
It does sound like your BF has a few issues of his own, hopefully a bit of time will help him sort those out.
Maybe the best thing is to give him a little space to think, at the same time you could send him a text now and then just to let him know you are thinking of him.
Could you ask him if he would like to meet you for a coffee somewhere? Sometimes being on neutral ground can help with communication.
It may help to keep issues light for a while. I know you want to get this sorted, sometimes a person may feel "pushed" though.
Hope you can find ways to look after yourself in all of this as well. It can't be easy not knowing what is going to happen. Do you have hobbies or interests, other people you can catch up with?
Relationships can be confusing!
cheers to you from Dools
i also feel his friends have influenced this and not sure if they are saying things like he might not change or is this what you want etc. I have great friends so that's good just everyone I have spoken to thinks we had a great relationship and he is a decent guy. Yes I've booked my son into a behavioural psych and can't get him in until March 10th and going to put him into army cadets but can't do that until July.
when this happened I messaged his best mates wife and said it wasn't ok and she said basically if it happens and there is always drama then it will get to the point they won't want him around so my guess his they are influencing his decision and he feels pulled between them and me as we spend heaps of time with them and were meant to go away with them at Easter etc.
sayig all this though my son isn't off the rails everywhere he's great at school was school captain last year.
yes I understand people need space but how long do you give.
not sure if to message him tomorrow night and say thinking of you if you want to catch up and talk as bailey is on camp until Wednesday so I'm around.
he said he wanted to talk etc and said he will call me when head is clear which I get you need a clear head to speak to someone but I'm confused about weather he wants to talk to work it out or talk in general as friends who knows
Wow I was a mess and still do feel drained saying that last night I came to a realisation which is good for me to move forward.
ive thought about his business etc and really think he's in severe financial trouble to the point he is sinking. I think that was the issue he can't cope at all he can't swim. He's been drinking more also which doesn't help situations like these.
i know I can't help him believe me I've tried in past relationships. I did message though and said my sons on camp and around if he wanted to talk as he did say he would when his head is clearer.
hes an awesome guy I'm not making excuses but this is the only huge issue I see.
when I say financial trouble I'm talking dire straights needs help with it
Since my last message i did rIng his friends wife as we have had a good friendship.
saying that they were in shock too when he told them. I contacted her and said I was worried about him and I was coming from a place of concern she said she appreciated it and said it sounds like he's in a bit of a hole I said yep and that's why someone needs to look out for him.
at the same time the councillor I saw at work told me to message him Sunday just to say my son was on camp and I'm around to talk and hoped he had a good weekend.
i still haven't heard anything 😞
today I deleted all his texts as I kept reading over them to see if there was a change as he said he's been unhappy since Xmas. I didn't see any change. Obviously his own issues and he had two friends die also at the start of December to deal with.
anyway I've put it out there again and now I just have to let it go......
it and just disappointing as I thought he would be someone that would talk to me giving that he acknowledged he did and wanted to make amends with my son as he said he used him as a scapegoat
Well he did message me on Wednesday after I sent a text saying if he wanted to talk my son was on camp. He sent a text saying sorry he's he's hurt my feelings and he has a lot on his plate and feels he couldn't continue with us and he's sorry again and he will talk soon.
need some advice does he mean that's it or what?
i sent a message back saying I feel he didn't communicate with me and didn't see it coming and I Felt pushed me away. Then said I was happy to talk to him like he mentioned. And said I was happy to support him.
need some advice please
Sad to see you and your partner having some troubles. He as said he needs some space, so I think you should give him space, he may feel just as overwhelmed, if not more so, as yourself, considering his business issues. Maybe if he doesn't hear from you, he will start missing you, but the ball is in his court now.
I know it can be hard to not contact him, and your mind is going through so many scenarios, but truthfully, no one can predict what will happen.
I wish you the best, and hope for a quick resolution
Well he did break it off. And apologised for hurting me and he felt he couldn't continue due to having "a lot on his plate" and will talk soon.
leaves me up in air in the meantime. I know your right I've reached out and said I was there to support him.
so letting it be to see what happens is the best and for me continuing with my life and doing things is the best thing too.
cant force people to talk and I just feel he's leaving the door open for what reason I don't know.
Maybe I should also mention before I met him he was well is an alcoholic drank a bottle of bourbon a night. I met him when he wasn't drinking and he started again six months into the relationship I think maybe he thought he was happy and had control.
The drinking got worse so I'm guessing when this happens people become someone else?
From my experience, some people do drink alcohol to escape what is going on around them. He may just be so confused and stressed he doesn't really know what he wants right now.
If he does have business problems, that can be enough o make him very upset and concerned.
It can be hard to get a person to look at their issues from a different perspective when they are really caught up in what is happening.
In a way only time will tell if you two will get back together again. It may be beneficial for you to work on making your own life the best it can be right now. People can let us don, quite often it is unintentional, but it happens.
Feeling like yo are just hanging about is difficult as well, so hope you find some meaning, purpose and balance in your days!
Cheers from Dools