Boyfriend moving to my state

[Chloe-hrh]

Hi everyone

I have been contemplating what the right thing to do is. I was living interstate where I met my partner. I outgrew the city and needed to move back home to be closer to family and friends for my own mental well-being. It was so difficult to leave him behind and we had discussed before I had left that we would see how things go over the first few months and potentially he may come over. Now I’m in the position where he had decided to come for 1 month to trial the city. As the time approaches I’m becoming overwhelmed by the fact that after a month he will go home and may not come back as he doesn’t enjoy it here. I really don’t want to go through the heart ache if it means that now I’ve seen him it would be ever harder rather than ending things while we are apart. The other part of me things what if he enjoys it then a year down the track he wants to go home .. there’s just so many what if and I don’t know what is best. Just looking for some guidance on what to do and how to manage this uncertainty. 

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Chloe-hrh..

A very caring and warm welcome to our forums…

I think your partner must love you a lot, to visit you interstate and wanting to see if he could possibly stay and start a life with you….Unfortunately there is uncertainty in a lot of things we do in life, especially with relationships….

It would be hard to see him again after so many months, but I feel through your words, exciting as well…I think that ending your relationship before he visits you, could leave you with a lot of “what if’s”…and maybe regrets….His visit could turn out really well and he might might want to stay and give his new state and city a good try….Then again, he might feel like he doesn’t “fit in” and not stay that long at all….

Maybe while he is visiting you, before he decides what he wants to do, talk over things, about return visits to his state, a few times a year…as he will be leaving behind his friends and family, and like you, he might get a bit home sick for them….

Right now, you have a partner you miss so much….and he misses you, enough to put his life on hold to come be with you….if it works out, something wonderful for you both could happen…if it doesn’t work out….then at least you know in your heart, that you gave this relationship a good try……go with your heart dear Chloe..

My kindest thoughts with care, dear Chloe..

Grandy..

[Croix]

Dear Chloe-hrh~

I'd like to join Grandy in welcoming you here and think there is wisdom in what she says.

From the way you write it seems an almost black and white situation, and I doubt in real life things do work that way very often.

To come down for a month is a very short time in the the scheme of things . The two of you wil just be starting to know each other again plus if there is no job he has to go to, or other matter he has to attend to then all his attention wil be focused on you. Almost a holiday romance.

This of course would not be the same if he lived and worked in Melbourne too.

Perhaps it may be a question of both of you being prepared to visit his family and friends as time goes on if he did settle in Melbourne.

Yes, it's true, he may come down, and return permanently, and that could be heart-breaking, on the other  hand you may end up together permanently. If this latter choice is the one you really want then perhaps it is worth taking a risk.

What does he say? After all he has a big investment in several ways in the matter

Please do tell us how you get on

Croix

[ecomama]

Dear Chloe, welcome to the forums. 

I just want to congratulate YOU on continuing on with your relationship! 

You (both) are showing great courage by making these moves and working things out. 

When we know that things could go awry, and do you know? they could! 
Right now you are feeling the risk associated by investing your heart into this relationship, so you feel vulnerable. 

And that's OKAY! 
Your partner probably does too but could be less inclined to admit it lol... 

Please don't cut this off at the pass BEFORE it's been given a chance. All because "it could end" one day in the future. 

If you have Netflix, please watch "The Call to Courage" because it talks about THIS very thing. 
And the message in a nutshell is.... if you want to live a whole hearted life then you're going to feel a whole lot of risk and uncertainty.... but it's SO worth the ride. 

The REMEDY for these feelings is GRATITUDE. 

Keep gratitude journal from right now. Have FUN with your BF over for "holiday". 
You've got this. 

Love EM