- Beyond Blue Forums
- Caring for myself and others
- Relationship and family issues
- Boyfriend has separated with me, can i get him bac...
- Subscribe to RSS Feed
- Mark Topic as New
- Mark Topic as Read
- Pin this Topic for Current User
- Printer Friendly Page
Boyfriend has separated with me, can i get him back
Hello C_Del Thank you for your post and welcome
Im so sorry your going through this, do you feel like he has his own issues he needs to resolve before he can offer his time in a relationship and that's why he has acted like this?
It seems like he's battling his own demons, pushing you away may be a coping mechanism for him but maybe not a healthy one as he may need support
I think he may just need you to be there for him as he may not be able to offer you what u need in a relationship until he is himself again, maybe he needs his best friend right now not a partner( which is you, you said your also his best friend)
I think you could try getting him to talk to someone even a counsellor, talking to someone can be a good start
Let him know the Beyond Blue Support Service is available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 1pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport One of our friendly counsellors will be able to offer him advice and support
I hope this helps
At one stage in my life I was very firmly convinced that I'd be doing my partner a big favor by ending the relationship, and that they could go on to a better and happier life with someone else. As the time intimacy was about zero. I had no libido at all.
This was all caused by a number of psychological factors, including depression. I had come to believe I was the cause of everything being wrong in my life, not just my relationship.
Later I came to see that this was simply flat out wrong. People do not get over relationships and switch to someone else just like that. My views on my self worth were not real, they were depression thinking for me. As I improved my desire to remain with my partner came back, and my libido improved most satisfactorily.
My partner remained with me, a testament to love and strenght, and I'll be forever grateful I was not abandoned and could count on their permanent presence - it meant a lot even when I did not realise it.
You BF may be in a similar position, and lack of libido may have lot to do with it -it does for a number of males. This of course, as you would know, could be just the way a person is, though just as likely can come about for a variety of physical causes and as you can see above from mental health issues too.
What you do abut it I'm not sure. Perhaps one avenue might be to persuade your BF to have a thorough physical exam, and at the same time extend it to a mental health assessment too.
Do you think this might be an idea?
Hello C_Del, one reason why he has no libido and doesn't want to be intimate could be that the two of you are focused on each other and make remarks that wouldn't be said otherwise if he is suffering from depression that's very difficult to do and even to say 'I love you' for someone with depression can't be said with the same devotion or fondness as when you're not.
If he can be diagnosed by a doctor then these feelings can be justified for how he's thinking.
C del, and Edi -Lou
welcome to the forum.
You have had many replies from people that I hope will be helpful.
Sometimes people need time and solace and may feel pressured if they are not ready. Hopefully both of your BFs will get support.