Boyfriend going on overseas Buck's party with friends

[Katiek]

My boyfriend and I have recently got engaged back in November we have been together for almost two years however after the first 6 months together I found out he had asked his parents for an arranged marriage and went overseas to get engaged, I only found this out when one of his friends told me. I also found out that he had cheated on me multiple times, we broke up for a brief period but then got back together with the promise that he would break off the arranged engagement, this went on for two weeks until I couldn't take it anymore and decided to get involved myself and message the girl. This caused huge problems within his family he was under a lot of cultural pressure and he was really distraught. He then decided to cut all contact with his family and move in with me. One year on and we are really happy and are now engaged ourselves, he has also made small contact with his family and he is rebuilding his relationship with them. One of his friends has decided to have his bucks party overseas and my partner really wants to go but I am so extremely anxious about it even the thought of him going brings me to tears, I know that he loves me very much and we are in a different place in our relationship to what we were last year but I can only think that the worst will happen and he will get carried away and end up cheating on me again. All his friends that are going are single and really into drinking and have no respect for girls they go out clubbing every weekend and gave a group chat which they share the pics and videos of girls they took home, even the friend whos bucks night it is will often cheat on his wife to be. I feel like me saying no to this trip is holding him back but I cannot even imagine him going and feel like it could cause a big impact on our relationship. I really need some advice, I have slot of stress in every aspect of my life including work, my relationship, my family etc and I'm finding it hard to cope atm

[geoff]

Hello Katiek, and a warm welcome to the forums.

I'm sorry about what may happen, but if you strongly object to him going overseas to the bachelor party then you need to tell him because what is said now while he hasn't been drinking maybe a totally different situation when he's overseas with his mates.

If I said this to my finance she wouldn't have liked the idea at all and told me not to go and for you to say no to this trip is holding him back but rules in a relationship have to be decided on and trust is always an enormous issue.

You need to see eachother as someone who matters to you and as he has cheated on you multiple times then you're not sure what may happen.

I would discuss this and other issues with a counsellor.

Hope to hear back from you.

Geoff.