Body Dysmorphia & Boyfriend

[PsychedelicFur]

TW : Body Dysmorphia

Hello everyone,

I struggle with body dysmorphia due to being psychologically abused by my Mother and my very first serious boyfriend about my weight and looks.

I don’t really know what my body looks like.

I am told by my doctor that I am at a healthy weight. And my other friends always reassure me and tell me that I’m at a healthy. However, a few weeks ago my boyfriend told me I was chubby around the stomach area, as I stood naked in the mirror. And it really hurt me. He knows about my body dysmorphia and I have told him about the abuse I have suffered in the past, from close people in my life. And I am actively trying to love my body. It has hurt me. And it’s constantly playing in my mind.

He apologized and I believe he genuinely felt bad about it. Although, it has stuck with me. And it’s affecting me everyday now. I stand in the mirror critiquing my body, especially my stomach area.

I don’t know what to do. 

[Learn to Fly]

Hello PsychedelicFur,

A very warm welcome and thank you so much for sharing your story and feelings with us. 

Our thoughts can be pretty tricky at times and lead us towards self-doubt avenue. This only makes things worse for us as immediately our emotions get negatively affected and as a result, our behaviors, too. It's a bit of a vicious cycle and once we get into its spin, it might be challenging to break it because more or less consciously we are seeking confirmation of our negative beliefs. 

The good news is you are actively trying to love your body. To help you with that, I would encourage you to search for positive evidence and truly try to stick to these positive facts. Your doctor and friends tell you that you look healthy and are at a healthy body weight. Yes, your boyfriend made an insensitive comment but has genuinely apologised and felt bad about it. 

These are the facts. I would truly encourage you to lean towards sticking to these positive facts. 

Another thing that you could do when you look at your body in the mirror is try to find beautiful things about it, what you love, like, you are proud of. Draw on these positive feelings about yourself and let them carry you further. This might feel strange at first because you might be used to being led by a negative opinion about yourself. Taking baby steps helps and appreciating even the smallest of wins. 

Let us know how you go. 

[PsychedelicFur]

Thank you for your advice and support Learn to fly. Much appreciated. I left him. He picked on my body when I was naked. He called me names, during intimate times, not sex. We were together for almost three months and everyone is telling me that it will just get worst as time goes on. It feels like a trauma bond and I don't want to speak to him anymore. I feel disrespected and hurt. He has a porn addiction and he admitted to looking at naked images of other women online while we were in the beginning stages of dating. Which really hurt me, because I told him I have Body Dysmorphia. He said to me "our first kiss didn't feel that special." And once I was hungry, in his university dorm room, while we were spending time together. I told him and he didn't even try to find any food. I felt like he was using me for my body. He told me I was 'too demanding' and clingy of his time because I was asking, almost begging to spend quality time with him. He was always so busy.