Hey DylanS,
I'm sorry about the break up.
It sounds like you are really struggling with it right now.
I think your ex has given you a pretty clear indication of how she felt before the break up. It may be a surprise to you, and you may even feel confused about why she felt that way. There's a good chance it wasn't even caused by you.
I have been in therapy for BPD and I can very much relate to what your gf said about feeling super on edge whenever my gf messages or calls out of the blue. We have had fights in the past and they got worse and worse because as soon as we had one fight, my anxiety around that situation (calls) just spiked. We broke up a few times and had a make-or-break point which we thankfully got through. But I can certainly say I never thought we'd make it.
So from what your ex is saying, the relationship wasn't healthy for her. It may not be your fault at all, but sometimes we lose things out of no fault of our own.
I think the more you push, the harder it is for her to work out what she needs, and if she needs you. She needs time - a lot of it - to work on her anxiety. And even having you around, from my experience, can be making that harder.
I'm really sorry if I've put it very bluntly. It's just that I know that overwhelming anxiety when I used to see my phone buzz, and equally I know that horrible feeling of just being discarded seemingly out of nowhere (my 4 year relationship went down the toilet in one arvo).
I hope you can take some time to hang out with some friends and try to distract yourself as much as possible. You probably didn't do anything wrong, it's just very hard to be in a relationship, and it sounds like the anxiety made things even harder.
James
