Hi Michelle1978,
I'm so sorry to hear about this devastating breakup you're going through. Breakups are never easy, but they can become both painful and confusing when you are, as you say, blindsided by it. Even though you don't feel up to it right now, I think your friends are right in suggesting that you share your feelings and ask firmly for a better explanation of what happened if you feel you are owed one.
In relationships, communication is key, and this means addressing things with our partners before they fester and become detrimental, even if it's hard or uncomfortable. In that way your partner failed you because presumably this is not something he woke up and decided the day of, but had been thinking about for some time. Some people hold these things secret until they just kind of come out, sometimes out of fear of disappointing or upsetting someone, or poor communication skills, or some other factor.
Not unlike a death, when a relationship ends we mourn its loss. And like all grief, this can be unpredictable and take longer to recover from than we might like– especially if it's our first time in a situation like this.
Be patient with yourself and kind to yourself, allowing time to feel whatever it is you're feeling. This is one of the most deeply painful parts of being human, but part of it nonetheless. Feel free to chat a bit more here in the thread to let us know how you go.
Warmly,
Gems
