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I am 8 months into a relationship with a man separated from his wife for 3 years (seems to have no real plans on divorce?) who has 2 children (13 &9). I myself am widowed, almost 3 years now, with 3 kids (well 2 adult teens and a 13 yr old). I am feeling a little lost in our relationship. He has 50% custody of his kids. On the "off"week from the kids he is extremely attentive, messages constantly, can't seem to do enough for me and of late, I feel "love bombed" to a degree; as a friend pointed out recently. But when the kids arrive its like I'm put on the back burner which makes me feel anxious and a little used. I understand he misses them and wishes to spend time with them; and I know I am not jealous of their time with their dad I think its important. I guess I don't understand how when I have my kids full time I can make the time but he doesn't or can't?? I organise to go places, invite them around to our home when he has the kids and for the most part his kids are happy to be with us and don't want to leave.
This then leads me to another issue. His youngest is quite obnoxious and rules the roost, he "gets what he wants" - his words......he has some issues I feel, he is an extremely anxious child and has some pica issues which his parents have done nothing about. He has become quite obsessive of my kids, naming his toys after them, which is cute but then comments he'd like to eat their souls?? I feel a bit of a hypocrite in saying anything to my partner - glasshouses and all; my kids are far from perfect. But the disrespect he has to his dad; if he doesn't get what he wants he answers with "I won't trust you again" and displays of concerning behaviour from such a young child is eye opening to myself and my kids. His dad says nothing just shakes his head and eye rolls. So much so my kids would prefer his youngest not to be around saying he should be grateful he has a dad.
I suppose I'm asking am I being unreasonable in feeling that I am in a one week on-off relationship; should I be concerned that he has no real interest in divorce as he has stated she cheated she should pay, and am I being too harsh on a child that perhaps is emotionally scared from his parents separating and having to be moved week to week from one home to another?? Are my expectations wrong???
Thank you in advance for reading 🙂
Relationships are difficult to navigate, and more so when there's added complexity such as shared custody arrangements. I think communication is always key. Have you brought these issues up with your partner? I think what's ok or not ok in a relationship, depends on what the people in the relationship decide they're ok with.
Kind thoughts, Katy