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Being A Solitary Loner

Community Member

Hello there,

for most of my life I have been in immeasurable sadness due to being a ‘Lone Wolf’ or as it is formally addressed ‘A Solitary Loner’

I understand that it is great to have recreational time where you can relax, cleanse your mind and prioritise self care but at the same time my whole days revolve around studying, because I prioritise my studies. And also doing lots of creative things to preoccupy my mind from the depressed and unbearable thoughts of loneliness.
I see people my age on social media with their best friends venturing out to the city, seeing live gigs and eating lunch together. It slightly stings me within side, the fact is I don’t have that. I find it excruciatingly difficult to mix with people of my age bracket. It’s horrible. It is such a lonely, heart wrenching, unwelcoming, cold and isolating feeling.
It’s hard to mix with people. It’s hard to be social, in fact it is so emotionally draining to be social. I’m always 99% someone’s second preference. They speak to me and then their friend suddenly appears and it is as if I no longer exist.
These are the only thoughts my mind can articulate at this point in time.

thank you very much,


3 Replies 3

Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi and welcome to beyond blue.

There are two different aspects in what you are writing about (I think). One relates to social media and the other is being social. Perhaps a third item is

I have found that people will only put what they want onto social media - the happy stuff. And I will see people on social media like you describe but what you don't see also is what they also deal with - a husband with parkinson's, the drunk son, the child giving their parents grief etc. People only tend the share the good stuff about themselves.

Are you introverted? I can talk one on one quite easily. When 2 turns into 3 people I can go quiet and perhaps the appearance of not existing? Only guessing! Then if the conversation does go quiet it gets awkward.

What sort of things do you like to do? Perhaps you could volunteer or find a group to join? Something that might allow you to meet others. (Fwiw, I worked from home for 15+ years and that is isolating. For the past year I have been learning to reintegrate into society if you want to put it that way. It can be lonely. and cold. And now, it is a little easier to talk to others, yet in group situations I have the put my hand up.)

Looking forward to hearing more from you,


Hello there,

thank you for replying back to my forum. I volunteer at a few community places and find it hard to mix with the people there.

I’m quite a flamboyant introvert. I am what most would call an ‘old soul’ so that is why it is immensely complex to try and find people who are on the same page as me and or understand me a little bit more.
hope this helps.

thank you,


You will need to describe a flamboyant introvert to me. I am an introvert myself, but certainly not flamboyant. I know what a old soul is. I am sure that you would have some stories to tell about yourself.

Tell me about the places where you volunteer and what makes it hard to mix with the people there?