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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Chloe-hrh Boyfriend moving to my state
  • replies: 3

Hi everyoneI have been contemplating what the right thing to do is. I was living interstate where I met my partner. I outgrew the city and needed to move back home to be closer to family and friends for my own mental well-being. It was so difficult t... View more

Hi everyoneI have been contemplating what the right thing to do is. I was living interstate where I met my partner. I outgrew the city and needed to move back home to be closer to family and friends for my own mental well-being. It was so difficult to leave him behind and we had discussed before I had left that we would see how things go over the first few months and potentially he may come over. Now I’m in the position where he had decided to come for 1 month to trial the city. As the time approaches I’m becoming overwhelmed by the fact that after a month he will go home and may not come back as he doesn’t enjoy it here. I really don’t want to go through the heart ache if it means that now I’ve seen him it would be ever harder rather than ending things while we are apart. The other part of me things what if he enjoys it then a year down the track he wants to go home .. there’s just so many what if and I don’t know what is best. Just looking for some guidance on what to do and how to manage this uncertainty.

PariM30 Is feeling lonely in a relationship normal?
  • replies: 5

Hi, I am Pari 36 YO male and wanted to get some perspective on some situations and feelings I am facing currently. Me and my girlfriend have been together for a year and we love each other a lot. She owns a property now and is living with her mum, bu... View more

Hi, I am Pari 36 YO male and wanted to get some perspective on some situations and feelings I am facing currently. Me and my girlfriend have been together for a year and we love each other a lot. She owns a property now and is living with her mum, but she used to come over at my place often, whenever she could get time. Over a past few months, I have noticed she has been getting frustrated and agitated over small things. And unfortunately the frustration is vented out on me in form of verbal or physical abuse (in front of her mum). I have been turning a blind eye on few of the things but recently (from couple of weeks), she has not been communicating properly. When I send her messages on whatsapp she does not even look at it for days and when she does, she does not reply. She has not tried to call or meet, even after several attempts from my end. The excuses she has been giving is that her job is very busy and she gets tired hence she has not been communicating. I agree her job as a trainer accessor may be hectic, however not been able to send a single text ( a simple good morning or how are going) or have a quick call is hard to digest. I have a busy day too yet I make the effort to ask her how she is going, but getting no response for days has indicated me that she is not interested and wants to ignore me. It is also putting me off the relationship as there is clear lack of engagement from thenother side. But when asked she says she is not ignoring me, and she wants to be in the relationship. Not contacting me for 9 consecutive days nor meeting me for a brief period being in the same city, am I wrong to think that she is ignoring me, or is distancing herself from me? Being in the relationship I have been feeling very lonely and seems bit of one side love now as I barely hear from her. Are these indicators that she does not want to be with me? For me if you love someone, and have the wish and will to make it happen, you do whatever possible to atleast communicate with your partner. Am I being to unrealistic with my expectations? Would love some guidance or suggestions from someone who has faced something similar. Thank you

Jamesneedsyouropinion Once a cheater always a cheater?
  • replies: 7

So it was my ex, who after a year in the relationship asked me if I think that once a cheater always a cheater... I replied with yes! There's a reason it's a phrase! She replies with..I believe that it's not true..I believe that people can change. My... View more

So it was my ex, who after a year in the relationship asked me if I think that once a cheater always a cheater... I replied with yes! There's a reason it's a phrase! She replies with..I believe that it's not true..I believe that people can change. My questionsnto you all is.. 1. What do you think the agenda of the question is?(By her asking me) 2. Does someone who hasn't cheated normally have this opinion..? 3. Is this a confession? Please help! I need closure and I know Il never get it from her

moonnback2009 My girlfriend ended it because she said she needs to work on her mental health
  • replies: 3

So I was with my girlfriend for three years. We are both women and 2 years into the relationship i told my parents about us and came out. my girlfriend was always too anxious to tell her family and come out. I was completely okay with this and suppor... View more

So I was with my girlfriend for three years. We are both women and 2 years into the relationship i told my parents about us and came out. my girlfriend was always too anxious to tell her family and come out. I was completely okay with this and supportive any time she said she wanted to try and tell them but she never did. 6 weeks ago she broke up with because she said she didn't love me and needed to work and her mental health, which she has been struggling with for years and she has said that I helped her when we were younger and i help her a lot with it. she also said she needed to come out to her parents but didn't want to have to tell them about us as it would be too much for them. After we broke up i begged to give us another go and just try and make this work and she refused. I suggested a break and she said no and that we needed to be broken up as she needs to be single and not have me in the back of her mind all the time. She needed to be single in order to work on her mental health and come out. so far she has come out but not told her parents about our 3 year relationship, and she doesn't intend too. She has told me that she wants to be with me but needs to be okay first she said that she loved me but she couldn't show it. But I don't understand how that is possible. I struggle with my mental health a lot too and I always have, I found out that I have a lot of other health issues and I will need multiple surgeries and I will have these conditions for life. Due to this I have been struggling a lot with my own mental health. any time I am not okay she is the one person that has always made me feel okay and better. she said she plans to get back together before the end of the year but it just worries me that she wont come back even though she said she will and she promises that she will nearly every week. I am really torn about it because I love her but I am scared she wont. I also feel horrible for saying this but I don't know if she is being selfish or not. I always felt like we worked through things together and she knows that my own mental health has gotten worse since she broke up with me. I do want her to come back because this is the girl I want to spend the rest of my life with and she said the same about me. it kills me to have to wait 3 months, and I just don't know how to support her and get her back.

phaedrus unfriendly people
  • replies: 7

for 40 years i've joined lots of organizations and i've observed that all of them are unfriendly. they don't include newcomers, and they don't offer turns in conversations. in groups, they use a competitive focus. largely these groups only survive by... View more

for 40 years i've joined lots of organizations and i've observed that all of them are unfriendly. they don't include newcomers, and they don't offer turns in conversations. in groups, they use a competitive focus. largely these groups only survive by an intake of new members.in the real world, one occasionally meets one of the rare good people, but of course they have busy lives, so no chance of friendship, but the deep-and-meaningful keeps one's hopes up.i don't blame anyone, it's just our culture.

PsychedelicFur I think I live in a toxic household
  • replies: 12

I think I may live in a toxic household. My Dad is financially dependent on me to pay half of the rent. And If I ever decide to move out eventually he says to me "I've have to find somewhere else to live then." I was never told I was beautiful by him... View more

I think I may live in a toxic household. My Dad is financially dependent on me to pay half of the rent. And If I ever decide to move out eventually he says to me "I've have to find somewhere else to live then." I was never told I was beautiful by him growing up. I think it's important to tell your kids how special, amazing and beautiful they are. He will constantly compliment other people though- if we are out in the car or watching tv. "She's cute." And it irritates me. Because I was never told that I was ever really 'good enough'. I've told him, politely with how uncomfortable and frustrated it makes me feel and yet he keeps doing it. Even before my parents sold their house and divorced, he has been very emotionally dependent on me. When I was four years old I would have to listen to his problems and concerns because my Mother is narcissistic and doesn't care about anyone else other than herself and her needs. I have a lot of internalized anger, sadness and grief. My mother was emotionally abusive towards me and my father is still emotionally dependent on me. I've gone "no contact" with my mother. When I am out with my partner- staying the night at his, my dad will complain about how lonely or depressed he is. It really gets me down.

Liz_ss How to maintain normalcy for children
  • replies: 6

I found out my husband has been cheating emotionally and physically for months if not longer. I am struggling to put one foot in front of the other. I am hurting too much to even think about reconciliation but I don't know if I want to slam the door ... View more

I found out my husband has been cheating emotionally and physically for months if not longer. I am struggling to put one foot in front of the other. I am hurting too much to even think about reconciliation but I don't know if I want to slam the door just yet so I am trying to pretend that everything is ok in front of my child. However I am clearly doing a bad job of it as they can see I am broken and sad and asked me not to leave. It broke my heart and made me feel they will think this is all my fault if we split. Anyhow, my question is, how have people dealt with this? Have you made up an excuse for why you are sad? Or any tips on putting on a brave face? I am doing my best but it is so so hard. The child is a pre teen and pretty intuitive and emphatic. I obviously don't want them to know what their father did

Whichway Can’t stop seeing my ex
  • replies: 5

My ex left me 18 months ago, it was an unhealthy relationship, I’ve got some mental health issues and I was extremely attached to her while I always treated her well, she didn’t treat me that great and tried to fix a lot of my problems. When she left... View more

My ex left me 18 months ago, it was an unhealthy relationship, I’ve got some mental health issues and I was extremely attached to her while I always treated her well, she didn’t treat me that great and tried to fix a lot of my problems. When she left me, I let her go willingly I knew that I wasn’t up to being in a relationship with her at that time, even though I loved her so much… I don’t have a lot of confidence- I’ve not contacted her since but here’s the kicker. I work in three areas - one area is where she lives, where we fostered our relationship she walks past me while I’m working nearly everyday there. Sometimes with new guys. The first year I accepted it - breakups are hard they suck it’s just the way it is it’s going to hurt… I tried to avoid it as best I could, gave my self time to heal.. then I left and went travelling for six months had a great time and didn’t think about her much. now I’m back and see her everyday and I’m still getting the anxiety/panic where I completely shut down and feel like dying and feel horrible and helpless for the rest of the day. It honestly is like PTSD. I see a therapist and live a really healthy life. Im at an odds for what to do, any helpful advice would be appreciated.

jlp11 Unhappy marriage and feel stuck ! :(
  • replies: 4

Hi I would like some advice from others I don’t have many people I can talk to but the stress and unhappiness , loneliness is eating me away I’m a married woman been married for 10 years I’m 36 his 60 we have 2 kids together he works 7 days a week I ... View more

Hi I would like some advice from others I don’t have many people I can talk to but the stress and unhappiness , loneliness is eating me away I’m a married woman been married for 10 years I’m 36 his 60 we have 2 kids together he works 7 days a week I look after the kids full time I also work from home doing dog grooming , do the housework, cut the lawn gardening 10000sqm block , everything as I would do single I can’t ask for help if I’m sick or even when was in hospital he couldn’t get the kids from school I had to leave , he has never helped me or been there for me at the start he was , his so tired after work he comes back has a beer watch tv doesn’t talk to me or the kids doesn’t want to know about the bills finances or anything to tired I have to make sure all is paid on Time , but the problem that’s stressing me out is he went bankrupt awhile ago due to his business issues and he opened a other one put me as the owner of the company yes it goes to my company his work money to pay bills that I feel stuck with it , all he says he pays to provide but won’t help when tax time or even want to know about the company or anything that’s due left it all on me , if he leaves tomorrow I’m screwed I also have a other son older from previous partner that I’m stuck paying child support for as his income has made my income higher , on top of this he puts me down constantly calls me a bad mum your a slut you rubbish your worth nothing that I mainly spend my evenings locked in my room to get away from him , he can’t talk communicate over talks me constantly we don’t get along but we are currently in a rental and I can’t afford to support my kids on my own with the prices of rental at this stage and don’t want to take them on the streets so I stay and the company I will have to sort out all the debts of tax without his money to help anymore, I also pay bills with my income and any extras I use my own . It’s such a lonely life and nothing but arguments every evening his home it’s not good for the kids but i feel stuck and have no where to go Also have few dogs can’t take I don’t no what to do feel neglected unloved if tell him how I feel he sends a laughter emoji or whatever

Jai6 I still love my ex-wife...is there surgery available or magic pills?
  • replies: 2

My wife left me 5 years ago. I divorced her 2 years ago. We settled financially 1 year ago. My son and I haven't seen her in over a year. She flew 1,000km to see our son and 2 cats last week and stayed three nights in our guest room. We did normal fa... View more

My wife left me 5 years ago. I divorced her 2 years ago. We settled financially 1 year ago. My son and I haven't seen her in over a year. She flew 1,000km to see our son and 2 cats last week and stayed three nights in our guest room. We did normal family stuff, went sight-seeing, went out to restaurants, laughed like a 'normal' family. We were not intimate. While she was sleeping in the guest room, I was hoping she'd come and talk to me to either close the door indefinitely or whatever. But she didn't. Instead, she was on What's App all night. Now that she is gone again for another year or two, I feel empty and sad? No, I don't suffer depression and no, I don't really want her back. I'm 60 years old and have freedom. But I miss her. I'm not seeking another mate. Even if I did find some interest in another woman, it would be unfair to pretend she's my new love interest. I'd be deceiving and disingenuous to another woman. My ex and I were a perfect 100% match. At least that what our friends said when they found out that we had split. They used think we'd 'go the distance'. What's wrong with me - or her?