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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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xxlostxx I need advice!
  • replies: 3

I’ve been with my husband for almost 9 years. 5 years ago a long string of cracks started showing. He left myself and our then young child in a hotel room whilst he went and enjoyed private strip shows and maybe a brothel..? I can’t confirm nor deny ... View more

I’ve been with my husband for almost 9 years. 5 years ago a long string of cracks started showing. He left myself and our then young child in a hotel room whilst he went and enjoyed private strip shows and maybe a brothel..? I can’t confirm nor deny this. Though I’ve caught him looking up escort services and he gambles and makes poker deposits behind my back but financially restricts me when I need to go grocery shopping. I’ve recently caught him sex texting and sending his private’s to another girl he met on a chat site. He promised me he wouldn’t do it again even sent me a message whilst he was at work saying that he loves me and that he’s sorry he’s made these mistakes and will not do another and thanking me for not leaving him but then the other day I find another account he created shortly after on an online dating site and I asked him if he had created one and he lied to my face then got very defensive. I didn’t bother showing him the proof of what he’s done because I felt so defeated by this point and just kept it to myself. I think 5 years on of constant broken trust it’s been made clear that I need to leave. Im so sad and so alone. We have two young children and the last thing I want is to break up our family but my mental health is really taking a big hit from this. I honestly thought he was the love of my life, I’ve never deprived him of anything so for him to do such things really confuses me…What would you do..? This is all high level because of the limited characters, I hope I’m making sense.

Chris 21 Can’t get over my ex.
  • replies: 5

I wish to pour my heart out,I was with my ex for 27 years, she is my world I hit her and to this day I regret it.i was charged by the police and admitted the guilt. It has been 12 months since, I was removed by the police, they took out an ADVO on me... View more

I wish to pour my heart out,I was with my ex for 27 years, she is my world I hit her and to this day I regret it.i was charged by the police and admitted the guilt. It has been 12 months since, I was removed by the police, they took out an ADVO on me I accept that, Only saving grace is my eldest daughter got herself removed from the avo.I cry everyday over her, Ive had depression tablets, don’t work… i struggle, to awake, to cope at work, I was put under mental health watch due to chronic depression. all everyone tells me is move on. let her go, my heart is so so broken, she was the love of my life… and i regret every day what I did.I have the advo til august 2024.. so can’t contact her… she treats me like I am dead justnwalked away from me … took my little one and turned her against me and disowned my eldest daughter .. it broke my heart the other day to see my eldest so depressed too .. I am so lucky to have her, we are getting a rental together.I am so so lonely, I have no friends, no one to tell.her mum was my best friend, after we split I had her face tattoo on my right arm, it wasstupid, but it’s all I have left of her I speak to it and pretend she hears me. she won’t give me a chance and I don’t deserve a chance.completely broke.I cry everyday, And I’m tired so tired. I have seen sp called experts , move on get over her etc.im constantly stressed headaches, lack of though process etc.I have no friends I’m sad I know none to talk to … I try to explain to my daughter how I miss her mum, but I can’t Burden her … I am struggling but I do not trust doctors … who want to pump,me with drugs that do not work… i am emotionally damaged not mentally ill …. I struggle to interact with people .. all I have is my daughter and 2 cats …. I just wanted to get this off of my chest … and hope if I do and tell the truth karma might help me get my partner back … I realise, what love was and I have lost my soul mate … I really pray no one ever has to suffer my deserved pain …. All I can say is I miss you GG, (not real name) I hope the universe sends this too her.I can’t call or speak to her as I will breach Avo and go to jail. I just wanted to say, I am sorry GG, i know you will never read his but I will never give up fighting to get you back …. I love you so much baby, I’m so so sorry.

EERIEVERSIBLE I want to take a social media detox to improve my relationships and mental health
  • replies: 9

I have had a realisation that Instagram is negatively affecting my mental health and how I relate to others. I see idealised visions of reality that I want to fulfill. But the fact that they exist on social media is the point, to present something th... View more

I have had a realisation that Instagram is negatively affecting my mental health and how I relate to others. I see idealised visions of reality that I want to fulfill. But the fact that they exist on social media is the point, to present something that exceeds reality. Obviously I want to cull Instagram, but should I do with other social media sites? How would I contact my friends? How would I interact with them besides sending memes? Most of my friends are internet friends and I vc regularly on discord. What would I do with myself? I know I could do hobbies but like. Most of my time is spent on social media. I need advice

Pink-Swirl Co parenting problem
  • replies: 8

My ex and i have kids together and we share care week to week. I feel so lost when my kids aren't with me. I work a casual job during school hours and so I am basically a stay home mum, I also have a new partner who's children live with us fulltime, ... View more

My ex and i have kids together and we share care week to week. I feel so lost when my kids aren't with me. I work a casual job during school hours and so I am basically a stay home mum, I also have a new partner who's children live with us fulltime, they attend school also. My ex works full time and will start at 6am and finish around 6pm mon-fri, sometimes on a Saturday until after midday.. his gf picks kids up from school and cares for them when he is not home. She is good to the kids but I just can't feel comfortable that she is caring for them when they could be with me. It makes me feel sad as it was my world to care for my kids for many years and last couple of years has changed so dramatically. I tried to explain this but it unfortunately backfired and I've hurt the ex and exs gfs feelings. The exs gf has lashed out fully at me and now we don't speak at all. The ex just flogs me off and ignores anything other than talking about the kids. I've recently tried emailing explaining I would like to change the care times around so that he can be present when the kids are at his. Its now been weeks since a response, he shuts me down everything, saying things like don't harrass me about it and I don't at all so it makes me feel even more awful. I find this to be really hurtful and frustrating. I would just like to know if anyone else has gone through something similar and maybe some advice on how I can feel better about this situation as it just feels like such a mess that I do not want in my life.

maggie1 After toddler and relationship advice
  • replies: 3

Hi, im after some advice on toddler tantrums and a relationship on the rocks.My beautiful nearly 3 year ond girl has some seriously big feels! She is amazing, sweet, clever, funny and the best gift in my life. But she has huge tantrums(most days) whe... View more

Hi, im after some advice on toddler tantrums and a relationship on the rocks.My beautiful nearly 3 year ond girl has some seriously big feels! She is amazing, sweet, clever, funny and the best gift in my life. But she has huge tantrums(most days) when things dont go her way, like not wanting to leave the park, wanting to walk instead of being in the pram, nappy changes, getting out of the bath, getting changes... just to name a few. She wil hit scream, cry, roll around, tell me to go away, even just lie down on the floor and not move. Im pretty gentle and try to talk to her, or if we are at home i put her in time out in her room, or i ignore her, sometimes they go for 5 min but tonight was about an hour. Its caused huge issues in my relationship with her dad as i dont agree with the way he deals with the tantrums (yelling at her, closing her in her room, telling her she naughty....) then i get the blame and told im stupid and im the reason shes this way.I should add shes also is a terrible sleeper, i feel like me and my partner haven't slept since she was born, again he tells me its my fault. Am i wrong to think this is abusive? IAny advice would be helpful, thankyouxx

HanSolala Retroactive jealousy OCD
  • replies: 1

Hi all, First time poster. I was diagnosed with OCD at a young age and it is something that has presented in many different forms throughout my life. Currently, I’m experiencing something completely new. I have obsessive compulsions to look at my hus... View more

Hi all, First time poster. I was diagnosed with OCD at a young age and it is something that has presented in many different forms throughout my life. Currently, I’m experiencing something completely new. I have obsessive compulsions to look at my husband’s ex-girlfriends social media and basically ‘stalk’ her online. After researching this feelings/behaviours online, I stumbled upon ‘retroactive jealousy OCD’.It’s a behaviour I’m incredibly ashamed of and desperately want to stop, but I can’t. It feel exactly like all my other OCD compulsions, like an itch I have to scratch. I spend hours each day searching her name online, trying to find old social media accounts, photos of her, news articles, and mostly things relating to their time together. I’ve broken into my husbands social media accounts, just to read over their old messages to each other. I know this is going to sound absurd. But I’m not even jealous of her! My husband is incredible and our relationship is incredibly healthy. I have absolutely no concerns that he harbours any feeling for her or that he’d leave me for her. My husband is aware of this behaviour and it’s something he is super compassionate about, trying his best to support me where he can. But I know it’s uncomfortable for him to talk about his ex, as it wasn’t a healthy relationship for him. He’s moved on and I want to also! After a lot of reflection, I think this behaviour stems from a place of control and power. I struggle greatly with feeling out of control. I think that if I know all of the information about her and their past relationship, I can have a stronger sense of control? All of my OCD behaviours stem from wanting control. Anyway, just wondering if anyone else has ever experienced this and what techniques you have used to help end/reduce this behaviour? Thanks,Lala

skater99 Kicked out of home in the housing crisis
  • replies: 1

Due to a family breakdown, my parents decided to evict me and my partner from where we have been living together. My mother suspects my girlfriend of abusing our pets because of something she witnessed out of context. She had also accused both of us ... View more

Due to a family breakdown, my parents decided to evict me and my partner from where we have been living together. My mother suspects my girlfriend of abusing our pets because of something she witnessed out of context. She had also accused both of us of lying and stealing from her which we had proven to be wrong. After a family breakdown, I was given the choice to stay with my parents or leave with my partner and try establish ourselves outwhere. Knowing that my mother was wrong, I decided to leave home but have since been unable to even find a room to rent in the area. Our only options are to stay with her parents over an hour and a half from the city, or to couch surf and hop Airbnb as we have been doing. Both of us are now at risk of losing our jobs due to instability and both of us have been sick and run down from the constant stress. I just want to know that things will get better.

eLJay03 I just need someone to talk to
  • replies: 1

Three weeks ago, I had a miscarriage. It was an extremely traumatic incident where I was rushed to hospital unto surgery, given blood... it's a long story, and one where I could have died. So on top of losing a baby, I'm also dealing with the trauma ... View more

Three weeks ago, I had a miscarriage. It was an extremely traumatic incident where I was rushed to hospital unto surgery, given blood... it's a long story, and one where I could have died. So on top of losing a baby, I'm also dealing with the trauma of that situation. I didnt tell my parents I was pregnant, ut of fear of them being angry and disappointed. I'm 30 mind you. But my mum had heard I'd been rushed to hospital so called concerned so I told her. And she told me I'm just as important as my sisters. I should talk to them. And then proceeded to lecture me on getting pregnant. Because that's what I need when I am doing my best to get through a miscarriage. Lately I've just felt like I can't talk to anyone in my family, so I've distanced myself, and its all I can think about, and maybe I'm overthinking, but I feel alone, and it hurts. I tried to talk to my mum again today, told her I am miserable and have a lot going on, and she asked what I could possible have going on and I just stared at her. My sisters have a lot going on in their own lives, im understanding and I check on with them regularly to make sure they are ok, or to see if they need anything. My younger sister is pregnant, had some complications two weeks ago thankfully all good, and my older sister is currently doing IVF. so they've got there own stuff, and I'm there for them, anytime. And my parents are there for them. And. No one is there for me. (Except for my partner and he is amazing) but I feel like I need someone else to talk to, I just want someone to talk to. Someone to listen. Someone to understand. And to care. And to feel for me. Instead of judging me, and making me feel like a disappointment and a failure, just because I'm living my life a different way, or because things are going to their plans. I am heartbroken. Because pregnancy should be such an exciting time. And my family can't even be happy for me. Just in the announcement itself. I have two kids and both times felt like I was confession more then announcing. Sadly this time couldn't be an announcement either. But even if it were, it would have been met with the same reactions. Criticism. Judgement. Why? Why can't my family be happy for me? Why can't my family support me? The way they do my siblings? Why don't they get me, or accept me? For who I am. Why am I not allowed that same support, that same level of happiness over big things? I just need someone to talk to, no one understands me.

LastChance Wife accuses me to chat to other women, etc.
  • replies: 1

Thanks for having me here. My wife and I had a major crisis some years ago. Her until then relatively mild passive aggressiveness got more frequent and intense. I suggested external help but she refused. Therefore, I started to research by myself. Sh... View more

Thanks for having me here. My wife and I had a major crisis some years ago. Her until then relatively mild passive aggressiveness got more frequent and intense. I suggested external help but she refused. Therefore, I started to research by myself. She found my research and the fact that I chatted with other people. Mainly in forums like that and / of closed FB groups. We talked about it and that my intentions were looking up information, share experiences, etc. Long story short, until today she thinks that I shared issues that should not be discussed outside the marriage and that I am chatting with women. Any suggestions?

white knight Tolerance of other people-  the era of denial
  • replies: 5

The "tolerance of other people" series of threads is focussed on trying to make sense of how people think away from what we expect them to think. A concern of mine for some time has been how in the last 20 years or so, the birth of the era of denial.... View more

The "tolerance of other people" series of threads is focussed on trying to make sense of how people think away from what we expect them to think. A concern of mine for some time has been how in the last 20 years or so, the birth of the era of denial. In simple terms- when someone clearly and ethically does wrong but denies such wrong doing in fact often now, once the deny it, they double down as if fully committed. Such behaviour is not gaslighting whereby someone tries to convince another by actions and manipulation, that they are going crazy. For example- Walking my small dog last week on a lead and suddenly a larger dog ran across the road and attacked myself and my dog. I was really lucky it let go of my dogs neck and tried to bite me. No damage but the owner in her 20's, her sister and her mother all blamed me for walking my dog in "their" street. I'm an ex dog ranger so I know the law and most dog owners know you cant have a dog unrestrained. The ranger attended and despite admitting their dog was unrestrained continued to deny wrongdoing. So, the era of denial is extended to "the people in denial go on the attack". Another common situation is romantic affairs beyond the established relationship. People having the affair (including emotional affairs on the internet) deny wrongdoing. "It's not an affair, just a bit of fun". Times and standards change quickly. I'm 65yo and as a child I received guidance from my parents and other adults, uncles, aunties and grandparents. What they said was what we did. That moral code was not unlike many tribes and generations that handed down the guidelines. So, would this new attitude be responsible for marriage breakdown? Possibly. When admission of guilt is not forthcoming where is the rule book? The offender that has strayed often knows full well the boundary they've broken but denial sows the seeds of guilt and guilt means doubt. Hence solid evidence is usually needed. Apologies no longer exist In this "era of denial" it has led us to one decision-the implementation of the law. That is the only way we can deal with those that break the law whether allowing their dog to wander/attack, a small accident in a car park or a partner straying. It is an advantage to us to finalise any wrongdoing either lawfully or by action (eg leaving). Our challenge is to remind ourselves what we know as the right thing to do in a era of denial by those willing to sow those seeds of doubt. You deserve better if you are honest. TonyWK