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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Earth Girl I did something really bad that I don't think can be fixed
  • replies: 10

In Primary school, there was a girl called S who two times picked up my lunch box, used it to scrape stuff of a seat, threw it into the air, sat down on the seat for about two seconds with her friends laughing and then got of the seat and laughed wit... View more

In Primary school, there was a girl called S who two times picked up my lunch box, used it to scrape stuff of a seat, threw it into the air, sat down on the seat for about two seconds with her friends laughing and then got of the seat and laughed with her friends and she did this when she saw me go over to collect it because she wanted me to see it. I know this really isn't that bad, but I held a huge grudge on it for a long time. When I was a teenager, I started using an online forum and I made different characters/accounts to try to work out an out of control social situation because I was getting bullied a lot at school and I didn't have anyone I could really talk to about it. I made two "mean girl" accounts and on one of them, I used S's first name and a very similar last name to hers. After a while of using these accounts, I realized that I wasn't even that annoyed with her anymore (people have done much worse things to me than that), but I kept using the name. One day, someone on the forum asked "Have you ever pretended to be someone on here before? I was going to but it's kind of like stealing their sole" and I was wondering if it had something to do with me, but I didn't say anything. I ended up deleted the accounts. Then I thought, if I make it more obvious that I was using irony on the S account, then people will know that it's not real, but no matter how obvious I made my satire, most people still thought I was being serious on that account. I kept thinking, this time people will get it... okay this time people will, but most people thought I was being serious on it no matter how outrageous I was being. I know what I did was pretty f'd up, but I have no idea what to do now, especially since I continued doing it for a long time and when I try to tell people that I was using irony on that account, they don't believe me and I probably have no idea how much I hurt S. My sister said to me "well, you have had people pretend to be you too, do you hate them?" and I said no and then she said, "Then S wouldn't feel that bad about it either" but I'm really not to sure about that. I feel pretty bad about what I did and I wish I could go back to fix it and all the other dumb stuff I did. If I apologized when I had the chance, it probably would have made a difference, but now I feel it would be sort of too little, too late.

HarleyQ Is it OK for my current partner to be angry with me for speaking to my ex-husband recently
  • replies: 1

I've been in my current relationship for 5 years prior to that I was married for 10 years with two kids. My ex husband has been in and out of incarceration for the past 5 years a week ago he got out of prison and contacted me via Facebook. As I know ... View more

I've been in my current relationship for 5 years prior to that I was married for 10 years with two kids. My ex husband has been in and out of incarceration for the past 5 years a week ago he got out of prison and contacted me via Facebook. As I know my current partner does not like him I did not write back at the time. However I did right back to my ex-husband using an old Facebook account. Since this happened last week my current partner has been verbally abusing me putting me down and has been somewhat controlling for example going through my bank accounts all my transactions all my phone calls all my text all my social media accounts basically my entire phone. My current partner feel justified to act this way because I lied and did not tell him that I had spoken to my ex husband recently as I knew it would cause me problems now I have been getting treated very badly since I don't know what to.do I have apologised

wallabyjack My wife wont keep medicine away from kids
  • replies: 1

My wife regularly takes sedatives and drugs for her hormones. She insists keeping these in an unlocked drawer beside her bed. We have a 1 year old and 4 year old child who like to wander the house and get into things like kids do. I've repeatedly ask... View more

My wife regularly takes sedatives and drugs for her hormones. She insists keeping these in an unlocked drawer beside her bed. We have a 1 year old and 4 year old child who like to wander the house and get into things like kids do. I've repeatedly asked her to lock them up safely and or keep them somewhere the kids cant reach. Her argument is that it's my responsibility to watch the kids at all times and that she needs her medicine at random times likes 3am (convenience). It's caused huge ongoing arguments. She won't budge and I keep bringing it up. If worst case happened, what would be the view taken by the authorities I wonder? I'm at wits end and this is a huge issue for me and our relationship.

Ymeee Tips to help ride the wave of anxiety/depression
  • replies: 2

Good morning everyone,My name is Patricia (Trish for short). I’m a person that used to be laid back, relaxed. Growing up not much used to worry me. Yeah, I had the occasional nervous (butterfly feelings) in the pit of my stomach, but I used to have a... View more

Good morning everyone,My name is Patricia (Trish for short). I’m a person that used to be laid back, relaxed. Growing up not much used to worry me. Yeah, I had the occasional nervous (butterfly feelings) in the pit of my stomach, but I used to have a carefree attitude, growing up. I was able to control my nervous feelings. but of recently, I’m finding now, that the tactics I used to use are no longer working. I would like to ask the community on beyond blue a question? What do you do to help your anxiety/depression? I understand that not everything works for everyone. I found that having a “timeout” used to work for me in the past, but now it seems to be not as effective as it used to be. I’d really love to start a discussion with the members on this site, just to see how people like myself overcome things like panic attacks. So if you would like to join into the discussion it please feel free to reply to this message.

Fusion2k4 High school sweethearts, seperated, then married
  • replies: 5

Hi all, I met my wife when she was 19 and myself 20. At the age of 24 I had strong urges to experience other women and we seperated and I did so. After 18 months we got back together and I was honest about my experiences, my wife is accepting. Now 34... View more

Hi all, I met my wife when she was 19 and myself 20. At the age of 24 I had strong urges to experience other women and we seperated and I did so. After 18 months we got back together and I was honest about my experiences, my wife is accepting. Now 34 and married for a few years, I wake up everyday with guilt at myself for not being able to be a perfect person. I recently spent 2 weeks in hospital due to strong suicide ideation. I wake up with heavy levels of cortisol in my chest, extreme guilt, sadness, regret. I feel i very much hate myself. The sad thing is I brought it upon myself. I want my wife to hate me and leave me for a better person. I call lifeline on occasion and have booked in with GP and psych. I get very scared about the future. I feel I'm not deserving of my wife or happiness. Would love some input and support.

Samadhi-Enjoyer When is one justified in asserting one's self?
  • replies: 6

How do I know for certain if I'm in the right or wrong in a given conflict? My immediate reaction most times beyond heavy caffeine use is to shut down and not say a word in order to not feel threatened or potentially harmed in anyway. Or be as polite... View more

How do I know for certain if I'm in the right or wrong in a given conflict? My immediate reaction most times beyond heavy caffeine use is to shut down and not say a word in order to not feel threatened or potentially harmed in anyway. Or be as polite, kind and apologetic as possible to avoid escalation. In terms of my social life, I am dead afraid of somehow doing the wrong thing by accident due to ignorance of social convention. In my lowest states I'm rigid, robotic and unnatural in my responses especially in the face of people I deem intimidating, reactive or intense. I feel constantly guilty around people even if I do nothing explicitly upsetting or obviously offensive. I feel the need to think very carefully and methodically about social convention and whether I've done even the slightest thing wrong in a given situation. Even when I think an unacceptable thought I'm worried someone actually hears it from my head and thus is put off by it. So in essence, how can I for sure know to be justified in being assertive and not be overly self-conscious of my mistakes? Is ignorance without malicious intent justified or am I still ethically held accountable for the minutest violation of social conduct? I understand if I were to live in Japan the latter would be answered in the affirmative, yet in Australia, social convention seems vaguer and more uncertain depending on the demographic, with Baby Boomers seeming more reactive than later generations. I grew up in Hobart and yet I feel just as clueless of social norms and ethical justification as if it's my first day living here. I'd love some clarity from ya'll, thank you.

Tenale My boyfriend is a self-aware sex addict
  • replies: 1

Hi,My boyfriend and I are in our late 20's and have been together 2 yrs. We genuinely have had the best relationship- he is the kindest and most generous person I have met- and we were planning to move in together.2 months ago he suggested I use his ... View more

Hi,My boyfriend and I are in our late 20's and have been together 2 yrs. We genuinely have had the best relationship- he is the kindest and most generous person I have met- and we were planning to move in together.2 months ago he suggested I use his computer for my study as it's a bigger screen than my laptop and he told me his password and told me to login. Immediately a window opens on Omegle where he was having a sexy conversation with a random stranger, with some graphic words exchanged. I was in absolute shock as we have a normal sex life, communicate all the time about what we like in bed, what we'd like to try, and he knows I think him watching porn when I'm away is fine. He was absolutely distraught, said it never felt like cheating and was disgusted too- that this was a bad teenage habit of his and as he's been suffering mentally lately with low self esteem and hating his job, that in that instant he reverted back to this teenage habit to seek safety and comfort in those words. I forgave him as he promised this was the only time in our relationship he had done this, and showed genuine commitment to changing- quit his job, and started seeing a therapist of his own accord.Now, 2 months later our plans to move in are well under way and he's now communicating and talking to me about his mental state, as before I had no idea he was suffering. Just the other day we were discussing a staycation we went on 1 year ago, and he suggested that I look through his camera roll as he said he took so many photos because it was amazing. He willingly tells me his password and I'm scrolling through the photos, when suddenly the next image I scroll onto is a screenshot of a snapchat conversation with a girl- where they were sexting and exchanging nude photos with each other! My heart broke all over again, and when I asked him what this was he said he had actually been sexing random girls throughout our whole relationship- it wasn't just a one time thing and was with more than just words. He admitted he had been speaking to his therapist about sexting girls about 20 times over the last 2 years, and believes himself to be a sex addict. I feel so hurt, as I wanted to stick by his side and support him through this- but I can't get over him looking into my eyes 2 months ago when I felt so broken and at my lowest, and was still able lie to me about the extent of this. Will this only get worse with pregnancy/kids/life?

Ja_sm Betrayal and BPD
  • replies: 2

My partner has been diagnosed with BPD and we have had our ups and down. Over the past year or so they have put an enormous amount of work into better understanding their condition and learning coping mechanisms for when they suffer an episode.Early ... View more

My partner has been diagnosed with BPD and we have had our ups and down. Over the past year or so they have put an enormous amount of work into better understanding their condition and learning coping mechanisms for when they suffer an episode.Early on in our relationship I spoke to a close friend about their condition and to help gain perspective/understand regarding what was occurring, especially during an episode.They have recently found out that I shared this information and whilst they stated it was unfair of them to put me under so much strain, I know they are an incredibly private person, which leads me question whether they can ever fully trust me again.I feel so guilty about talking to others about something so private to them, and perhaps I should have found a therapist. At the time though, I needed someone to talk to and that was my friend.Now I am constantly second guessing what they are saying and wondering if I have irreparably damaged our relationship.I guess I just needed to tell someone as I haven't spoken to anyone about this - I don't want to betray their trust again.

Grace0000 Am I Useless
  • replies: 2

My partner suffers from chronic undiagnosed pain and severe depression with suicidal thoughts. He has gotten worse over the past few years. He has tried psychology many time and many different antidepressants with not much success. He asked me a few ... View more

My partner suffers from chronic undiagnosed pain and severe depression with suicidal thoughts. He has gotten worse over the past few years. He has tried psychology many time and many different antidepressants with not much success. He asked me a few years ago to learn how to critical think and ask questions better in an attempt to in turn help him to have a safe place at home to offload to me. I have not been successful at this. To begin with I was reluctant as I felt all he wanted to do was change me and I didn't feel that what he wanted was going to help him. As time has gone on he has become resentful and angry with me as my progress in being able to control my emotions when he melts down is very slow. When he's not doing so good he is hurtful and blames me for not doing better and that I don't prioritise him higher as I should. I don't feel this way. I feel that I really try hard to help him, by taking care of him in the ways I can. Which is cooking, cleaning, running the house, being attentive when he's not doing well. I don't know how to deal with the mental side of things and I just say the usual stuff like "I'm sorry to hear you're not doing so well, can I do something for you?" Then he gets angry because he thinks I should already know what to do and I should be able to just talk with him. Argh, I hope this makes sense. I feel so disgusting and useless. A waste of space.

sad_husband Emotional Affair or Friend?
  • replies: 11

HiMarried with 2 kids. I've been an ordinary husband at times, and my wife has a history of depression and/or PTSD – not to say it is to blame for any of this, just relevant background.Short story is that my wife became close with a prominent public ... View more

HiMarried with 2 kids. I've been an ordinary husband at times, and my wife has a history of depression and/or PTSD – not to say it is to blame for any of this, just relevant background.Short story is that my wife became close with a prominent public figure a few years ago when we were having difficulties. I know of sexy pics and invites to catch up when she was staying in the city (unsure if sexual or not). No messages I've seen are proof of an affair, maybe because he was smart enough not to risk blowing up his career by leaving text evidence of infidelity (he is married with kids). She swears they never slept together, they are just friends, and that she isn't attracted to him.For a few years things were pretty good. As far as I know, contact with her friend had stopped. We started to have difficulties again recently and texts have started again. Now they are using Confide to message, so it's very hard to know what is being sent between them. I confronted my wife and was told they are just friends. We talked about it and agreed that it should not be secretive. Confide is used because in their texts they bag his opposition, which would be bad if it became public. As you can probably guess, she's still texting him all the time, and it's entirely secretive.I think she loves me, and honestly aside from this potential emotional affair things are pretty good. She is disappointed in me for our financial situation (the cause of most of our issues), but all other indicators of a bad relationship aren't there.I do think she has feelings for her friend however, and I worry that given he would provide her with financial security, that she is interested.I know exactly how the above sounds. Please give my wife the benefit of the doubt in replying as I truly believe my wife is an honest, caring, and wonderful person. She is the most selfless person I know, and I don't think she would do anything to hurt me - but I can't stop thinking that I am losing her. Possibly she isn't even aware this may be an emotional affair. Can anyone think of reasons why I shouldn't worry? Is it possible they are just friends and I'm not seeing the truth? If she is having an emotional affair, how can I "nudge" her into realising it so it can cease? Suffice to say I am on the verge of breaking, any help is appreciated. Thanks,Sad_Husband.