Relationship and family issues

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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
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Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Guest_342 Is this normal?
  • replies: 1

I am in a fairly new relationship (about 6 months). I am starting to feel like my partner (we're both in our mid thirties) and I have different intimacy needs. I feel I need more intimacy than they do. I'm a person who feels closeness and acceptance ... View more

I am in a fairly new relationship (about 6 months). I am starting to feel like my partner (we're both in our mid thirties) and I have different intimacy needs. I feel I need more intimacy than they do. I'm a person who feels closeness and acceptance and love for my partner through intimacy, and it's important to me. Of course, that's not the only thing important to me but it's an important part to know that we have a good connection in that way. For the last month or so they have not been the initiator at all - I don't mind sometimes initiating but I can't help but feel like I'm asking for too much when I'm the only one to ever do that now - that I'll come across as being too forward and needy. Sometimes we will start doing things (in situations in which I think one would reasonably think things might lead to something) but they often stop quite abruptly before it goes anywhere and say to me, eg 'good night [my name], I love you' and then promptly fall asleep leaving me wide awake in the middle of the night, stuck in my thoughts, wondering if I did something wrong. Other times, we'll actually get to that place and in the middle they'll say they are tired and 'let's just leave it at that' and very quickly fall asleep again. In fact, more times than not we just stop before reaching the end. Not only is this sometimes physically uncomfortable but I also can't help but feel unattractive and undesired, and perhaps a little disrespected. I would never dream of pressuring anyone to do something they don't want to do, so I am at a loss as to what I am supposed to say to explain how this makes me feel (without them feeling pressured or without me sounding needy). Today we were cuddling before they were about to leave my place to go home - things were getting a little intimate and then they quite abruptly stopped and said, 'Okay I'm stopping, otherwise I'll have to make love to you'. I think they thought they were saying it in a way that would make me feel desired (ie what we were doing made them feel good and they had to stop themselves), but it actually made me feel the opposite. I said, is that a bad thing? And they said 'Well it would mean I'd be here another two hours'. (It was 5pm on a Sunday, ahead of the work week.) Does something about this situation and the dynamic between us sound like a normal couple problem that might come and go, or is this something I need to chat to them about? I'm not sure how to bring it up in discussion?

gia222 Struggle with living with family who doesn't support my mental health
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Hey everyone,I'm still living at home because I was unable to work for some years due to my mental health condition and I'm still financially dependent on my family due to this. This really troubles me because I have a lot of difficulty living at hom... View more

Hey everyone,I'm still living at home because I was unable to work for some years due to my mental health condition and I'm still financially dependent on my family due to this. This really troubles me because I have a lot of difficulty living at home with my family as they don't support me emotionally and I am not close with them. They don't approve of my boyfriend and have absolutely no interest in hearing about my relationship. They don't believe that mental health is real and can't understand it. They are constantly feeding me negativity in every aspect of my life and it has been damaging to my mental health. We don't share the same values at all and I just don't get along with them and have to hide most things in my life from them because they start fights over the tiniest of things. I know the best thing for me would be to move out but I only just started working again part-time and I don't have a full time job yet even though I'm working on it, I am just getting so impatient because I can't live with them anymore, it is ruining me. I am trying so hard to get a full time job and get some savings so I can move out but because my mental health has been so unstable it's hard to do that. Does anyone have any advice on how to navigate this situation?

Sam71 Missing Daughter
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Hi, I got divorced from my wife in 2023. The marriage lasted fifteen years and I have a child with my ex-wife who is sixteen years old. In May of this year I took a vacation for five months back to England which is where I'm originally from. I wanted... View more

Hi, I got divorced from my wife in 2023. The marriage lasted fifteen years and I have a child with my ex-wife who is sixteen years old. In May of this year I took a vacation for five months back to England which is where I'm originally from. I wanted my daughter to come with me but she said she had exams so I went alone. I sent several messages to my daughter while I was in England and the last I heard from her was in June via text message. Since returning to Australia in September I've tried to make contact with my daughter via text and phone many times, all to no avail. Today I decided to go and see her, she lives with her mother who I no longer have any communications with as she is now onto her third marriage and has told me she wishes to have nothing to do with me. Despite this I called round to her house. I was shocked to discoverthe house had been sold very recently and the new occupants do not have any forwarding address. Please can someone tell me what I can do?, I'm worried sick because I don't know where my daughter is. There's no history of abuse or violence in the family, however my wife was diagnosed with traits of BPD. Also as a side note my wife ceased encouraging my daughter to see me when she met her new partner on the internet back in 2019, he's also from England. I also suspect that since thistime my wife has quietly alienated me from my daughter as I have seen less and less of her. Please Help.

Meshjira It's getting worse
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Hi, I have been having mental health issues since I was young. I'm now 36 and feel like their is no point living. I feel I wasted all my life being an addict and being an angry person. I have recently stayed in a psych ward and left about a month ago... View more

Hi, I have been having mental health issues since I was young. I'm now 36 and feel like their is no point living. I feel I wasted all my life being an addict and being an angry person. I have recently stayed in a psych ward and left about a month ago. I am currently taking Antipsychotic medication. Here's the thing. I feel like my memory is completely gone. I am forgetting simple words and can't seem to string a sentence together. I feel like my life is hopeless. I am single, no kids, never travelled,don't drive and live with my parents. Sure life can get worse. But when it does, how will I be able to handle it? I can't seem to get anywhere in life. I don't know what I want anymore. How can I go on living this way?

Gossamerose So lonely
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I'm feeling very confused and second guessing myself about everything.I'm trying to get out of this toxic read everything something stops me or gets in my way.Gee you would think in this day and age there would be more help for women trying to leave ... View more

I'm feeling very confused and second guessing myself about everything.I'm trying to get out of this toxic read everything something stops me or gets in my way.Gee you would think in this day and age there would be more help for women trying to leave bad relationships but I can tell you from someone who has been going though this for over 22 years. There is no real help! And yes I'm sure someone can point me to this society and that! But they don't actually help you. It's all smoke and mirrors. No actual hard help.

Sensible Sea Navigating gift giving with my in-laws that don't care about me: Advice?
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Context: I've been with my wife now for over 7 years. She's not currently speaking with her mother due to her mother behaving in inappropriate ways. Her mother has tried to come between us multiple times and said some things about me that can never b... View more

Context: I've been with my wife now for over 7 years. She's not currently speaking with her mother due to her mother behaving in inappropriate ways. Her mother has tried to come between us multiple times and said some things about me that can never be unsaid. She's not sorry or remorseful in any way, and has turned the other family members against me, accusing me of taking her daughter away from her. My in-laws don't care about me, to put it simply - for example, none of them wished me happy birthday this year. They've unfriended and blocked me on social media, even though I haven't said/done anything to warrant that kind of response. They blame me for my wife not speaking to her mother, when that was her decision entirely. Her family refuses to see my wife as an individual who can make decisions for herself. I just support her in any decisions she makes. Now, my wife would like to send a Christmas gift to her family - but they all still live under one roof. She thought a "hamper" of sorts, something the family can share without making it too personalised or individual, might be a good way to go. I'm supporting her in whatever she wants to do - in fact I'm going to be helping her put the hamper together for them. She wants me to sign the card as well. I said I would do that for her. She said it sends the message that we are a "united front" and that her family can't just "get rid of me" - it shows that I'm "not going anywhere", so to speak. But personally I've been feeling conflicted about it. I don't like to show kindness towards people who have been so unkind to me. I keep telling myself I'm just doing it for my wife, because it makes her happy, and she's right about being a united front. Truthfully, I still care about my in-laws, but they've really hurt me and I wish I cared less. Now I'm just wondering how far do I go with this? If my wife wants to send them gifts for their individual birthdays in the future, do I sign the card then too? I will do this for her this Christmas but just struggling to navigate with it going forward. My in-laws have made it very clear they do not accept me or care about me, but only my mother in law has outwardly admitted this. The others silently resent me. I know they're trying to push me away, so I guess I need to keep "showing up", but if that's not welcomed by them I just don't know where I stand or what the right thing to do really is.

s-a-w1 Separation Anxiety in Marriage
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I have observed twice now when I have been away from my husband that he experiences nausea when I return from being away. Earlier in the year I was away for 3 weeks where he was lonely and missing me during that time. The day I returned and I was at ... View more

I have observed twice now when I have been away from my husband that he experiences nausea when I return from being away. Earlier in the year I was away for 3 weeks where he was lonely and missing me during that time. The day I returned and I was at home he was so excited to see me and have me home but he came home feeling nauseous and wanting to vomit but of course hugged me and said sorry for feeling sick. I have recently come back from 5 days away and he was lonely and missing me whilst I was away and thrilled for me to come home. Again he came home and was nauseous during the car ride home to me. He says sorry for feeling sick because it’s not the welcome he wants to give me but I look after him and he tends to sleep it off and feels better usually the next day. Both times I have been away we speak multiple times daily, text and call when we can and always tell each other how excited we are to see each other again and that we are missing each other. He experienced separation anxiety as a child from a caregiver that resolved with making friends at school and has had no mental health concerns really since then. For reference we have been together almost 10 years, have a very loving, affectionate marriage, we both work a lot but come together at the end of the day lovingly and phone each other at least once during the day to see how each others day is going. I’m wanting to know if it’s normal to experience the physical symptom of nausea in separation anxiety with the return of the person you have been away from? Is this something that manifests whilst the person is away and hits them at once when the person returns or is this a total coincidence for the 2 occasions this has happened? Thanks in advance!

rebecca_s Father not speaking to me - advice
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Hi everyone, looking for advice on a complicated topic. my dad has a history of not talking to me, mum or siblings. Like we will have a fight, he will have a big blow up and go radio silent for a few days/weeks. When he’s ready he acts normal again b... View more

Hi everyone, looking for advice on a complicated topic. my dad has a history of not talking to me, mum or siblings. Like we will have a fight, he will have a big blow up and go radio silent for a few days/weeks. When he’s ready he acts normal again but there is never any conversation of the actual problem. recently, I (22F) found out I got into medicine and have to move interstate. I never told my dad I was applying as I feared his reaction, he is very traditional. Well it did not go down well. He was screaming at me saying I am choosing a career over family, how can I break his heart, and my boyfriend and I are too young to move together and will put a strain on my relationship.this was over a month ago and he hasn’t spoken to me since. I have tried extending the olive branch by saying hello, goodbye, look at this cute video - and nothing. Now I have grown up this was and know what he’s like. But here is where I do not know what to do - he is also ignoring my boyfriend and his family. I find this so utterly disrespectful and so does my bf. I think it’s because he is waiting for me to fail and can’t believe my boyfriend would support me through this. My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 years and have an incredibly string relationship, however, this is now starting to take its toll. as you can probably tell, I have an intense fear of my dad when he’s like this and I do not know how to approach it. But I am sick of him treating us this way and everyone always having to accomodate for him. Please give me advice on how to get through this. It is making me sick and sad that my last few weeks in my family home will be spent in misery. also, my mum is scared of him when he’s like this. She says she will speak to him but I don’t want to put her through this coz she always gets the blame.

Albert_247 Cousins want to live and reflect their identities through me
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1) They impose their politics and secular beliefs onto me and they don't respect that I disagree, they try to tell me to support and encourage the LGBTQ when I don't have to, I don't have to be their individuality & beliefs 2) Their only interested i... View more

1) They impose their politics and secular beliefs onto me and they don't respect that I disagree, they try to tell me to support and encourage the LGBTQ when I don't have to, I don't have to be their individuality & beliefs 2) Their only interested in themselves and their own opinions on music or anything in general 3) They make you feel stupid but they themselves wouldn't want to be made to feel that way, They always want to feel smarter then myself, my mother and my brother 4) They question your decisions and they think you need their approval for what you can do, live like or watch, but they only come in our lives once a decade or less and feel that they can critique us 5) Their very material & superficial, they think life comes easy because their father has given them a fantastic life and pays for all their needs

anon143 Child asking for a dad
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My child has recently turned 5 within the last few months. He is an only child. I’ve had sole ‘custody’ of him since he was 1. Even though his father and I separated when he was one, I tried to co parent with his father but it was not reciprocated. O... View more

My child has recently turned 5 within the last few months. He is an only child. I’ve had sole ‘custody’ of him since he was 1. Even though his father and I separated when he was one, I tried to co parent with his father but it was not reciprocated. Our separation was/is still very messy 4 years on. A lot of DV etc. Eventually I will file for divorce, hopefully in 2024. Lately, my boy has been asking for another baby or two & a new dad. In his words, he says that his dad is mean to him (I won’t go into details but I understand and know what he is talking about; abuse). I’m not sure if I’m telling my boy the right thing by saying something along the lines of he loves you very much, I know he doesn’t show it, but deep down he does. I feel like I don’t even believe that, but more so that I want to believe that for him. It feels like I’m giving him false hope or something. I’ve always wanted to have his dad in his life but his father makes it impossible to coparent civilly. I’ve given up trying to include his father in updates about our child. He doesn’t respond to emails, texts or phone calls. My last straw was recently after our child was hospitalised yet again. I know he got my email as he had a family member of his make contact with us to be in the loop with it all. I explained to this family member that we hadn’t heard from him and the family member said they’d pass it on. I tried to ring again and wasn’t answered. So recently, my son has been asking for a new dad. This has been going on for a few months now. He always comes out randomly with it. I don’t really know how to address this with him as he is only five and it just catches me off guard. Like tonight for example, I explained that if he were to get a new dad, I’d have to get a new boyfriend and I’m just not ready for all of that (I think this was the best way to answer it for now). He responded that he just wants a dad for our home in our town as his father lives in a different state to us. Do all children do this? Is there something I should be looking into? I’m waiting for our paed appointment and will see our gp this coming week so will ask about it then. How do I support my son through this? What can I say? I’ve asked him why he wants a new dad & he always gives very vague answers, so I’m not even sure if it’s what he really wants. I explained that if he wants another sibling, again I’d need a husband and I’m just not able to focus on bringing yet another life into it. I’m also worried about another person cutting into my son and I’s life, environment, wellbeing and so forth. My son needs me and I just want to make sure he’s right before I go worrying about another man let alone another tiny human. Thanks for reading. Advice would be most appreciated. Tia