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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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MargaretK126 Partner feels as though his children don't love him
  • replies: 1

Hi Everyone, New to the forum, My partner has two children from a previous marriage, 2 and 4. The four year old has ASD level 3 and is non verbal. There is no court Orders in place, however the current arrangement is: Week 1 - Tuesday afternoon until... View more

Hi Everyone, New to the forum, My partner has two children from a previous marriage, 2 and 4. The four year old has ASD level 3 and is non verbal. There is no court Orders in place, however the current arrangement is: Week 1 - Tuesday afternoon until Wednesday morning Week 2 - Monday and the weekend. We are looking to increase time however she keeps saying no. His ex partner is quite manipulative and rude to him and was a perpetrator of family violence in their relationship. He feels as if he cannot say anything to her without the constant fear she is going to blow up. Yesterday on our usual weekend the children had a party to attend to which she took them. Following their return to our house a few hours later, the children were very unsettled and crying not wanting to let go of their mother. Initially, my partner understood as they often do the same thing to us when we drop them off. However late last night, my partner broke down as he feels as though his four year old doesn't love him. I re-assured him as best i could however i was wondering if anyone could help with any ideas or strategies. I can see this is really debilitating for him and i don't want to step on anyone's toes as they are his children. Looking for any type of help really not sure what to do or how to help my partner here.

I_need_a_name I don’t like being a parent
  • replies: 26

I feel sick saying this because I love my children dearly, but I absolutely hate life with kids. Nothing can prepare you for the relentlessness of parenthood and how much of yourself you lose in the process. Everyone says it’s hard but you don’t trul... View more

I feel sick saying this because I love my children dearly, but I absolutely hate life with kids. Nothing can prepare you for the relentlessness of parenthood and how much of yourself you lose in the process. Everyone says it’s hard but you don’t truly understand what that means until you’re in the thick of it and once you’re there, I feel like there’s nothing you can do about it. If I disliked anything else in my life - where I lived, my job, my husband, I could leave, change careers, do something different, but you can’t take back having kids and yet it’s the one decision that I really wish I’d had more background info on before I took the plunge. I have a 5yr old and a 1yr old, they’re so very loved and clever, and funny and wonderful, they’re great kids and I’m a great Mum (mostly), but I grieve all the time for my lost life, all the freedoms I had and all the TIME I no longer have. I used to have so much choice in my day - I could spend my day sleeping, exercising, crafting, eating, listening to music/podcasts/audiobooks, binge watching tv or movies, relaxing, renovating our house, organising, literally anything I could imagine or think of I could do. All I do now is work, cook, clean and parent, there isn’t time for anything else. If I do get any free time, it’s post 8pm when the kids go to bed and I’m too tired from the day to do much more than sit in front of the TV and scroll on my phone. It’s such a crappy life. The kids needs are never ending, someone’s always in my space and requiring my attention, even if they just want to play, I feel like everything’s draining. I don’t want to play, or cook, or clean or do family admin etc., every task that fills my day now is not one that I would choose, all of them are required to keep the family running and someone has to do them, so I do, my husband is really helpful and we share the load pretty evenly but even so, we still both feel permanently burnt out. I can organise some extra time away from the kids etc. and I have done; feels great while I have that time but it’s always only a cpl hours, or a day max. and the second I have to go back to reality I hate my life again. I long for my pre-child life and all the wonderful things I could do with a day, presently i probably get about 10-30mins of each day to choose something for me and it’s not enough, I didn’t know how hard this was going to be and now I’m here and I don’t like it and I feel stuck. What can I do?

applebanna My sibling is anxious and depressed - what do I do?
  • replies: 1

My younger sibling who is 13 is highly anxious and I think they may be depressed. She posts weird things online about harming themselves and has a journal that they write in discussing bad things. They also have harmed themselves quite recently. Our ... View more

My younger sibling who is 13 is highly anxious and I think they may be depressed. She posts weird things online about harming themselves and has a journal that they write in discussing bad things. They also have harmed themselves quite recently. Our parents are aware and have contacted a psychologist but I don't know what to do. I try to reach out and help but they push me away and every time I ask them they get defensive and don't talk. I was wondering if anyone knows any things I could do to help make their depression and make them less anxious, maybe going for runs or something like that. Any feedback or help is needed thanks!

l0v3_lan4 Two Sided
  • replies: 1

Does anyone here struggle from Bipolar Disorder, I'm not going to self diagnose with anything, but everyone around me is always saying I might have it and making jokes about it. I did some research on bipolar disorder and learnt the affect it has on ... View more

Does anyone here struggle from Bipolar Disorder, I'm not going to self diagnose with anything, but everyone around me is always saying I might have it and making jokes about it. I did some research on bipolar disorder and learnt the affect it has on relationships with anyone and I could relate to every inch of it. People always say I'm toxic, or crazy but I think I'm normal.

BrokenHeartedMan Struggling with separation from wife.
  • replies: 5

My wife has just left me after being together for 30 years. We have been together since the age of 16, now at 46 she has decided she wants to 'live her life' and has told me that no chance of reconciliation of the marriage. We have 2 children 15 and ... View more

My wife has just left me after being together for 30 years. We have been together since the age of 16, now at 46 she has decided she wants to 'live her life' and has told me that no chance of reconciliation of the marriage. We have 2 children 15 and 17, they are currently living with me in out 'family' home and my wife has moved in with a friend of hers. I feel like my heart has been torn out and jumped on, if it was not for my kids being with me I would not be in a good place at all. I am trying so hard to be strong for my kids but I just keep breaking down. I have not eaten in 5 days, it makes me physically ill just thinking of food. I get about 2 hours sleep a night, my doctor has given me medication to try and help me sleep but it makes me a little drowsy but not sleep. I have suffered from depression for 20 years and have been on medication for it all that time. It just really hurts so much as she is the love of my life and I cannot imagine my life without her. I am not going to hurt myself or anything as I could not do that to my kids. But I am in so much pain, I am so lost, and seriously struggling. Any advice would be great. I would do anything to have our marriage fixed anything, but she is not open to it and has already told family and friends she has left me.

soot-sprite cleaning and mental health
  • replies: 3

Hi, first time poster and lost. I am in my late 20s and live at home with my mother.I suffer anxiety, depression and have been diagnosed with adhd; while my mother has her own mental health issues.We have a good bond, and I think recently it’s gettin... View more

Hi, first time poster and lost. I am in my late 20s and live at home with my mother.I suffer anxiety, depression and have been diagnosed with adhd; while my mother has her own mental health issues.We have a good bond, and I think recently it’s getting better, but we always run into the same upsetting argument. It relates to cleaning the house. It often comes up at the end of a really nice day, when my mum has drunk a little too much. She voices she is mad at me because I am not cleaning the house and that I hate our home.While I try my best to do housework, it’s not my minds main priority. When I write that or say it out loud it just sounds like I’m just saying I am lazy; but mentally it doesn’t feel like that. Often I am focused on keeping myself distracted from the thought that I am a failure and that I am a loser; it keeps me from thinking about past trauma and brewing on it. So often I focus on what little stay at home work I do via my computer or I engage in hobbies like reading. sometimes I do not even notice a chore needs to be done because I am busy avoiding reality to disassociate.I often find things much easier if I have someone point me in the right direction. So every time we fight, I try and bring about the solution and say I am happy to do any housework I am asked to do. She used to leave me notes with a list of a couple of chores and I would always get them done. But she gets even more mad at me for suggesting this and says she shouldn’t have to ask and that I should see something needs to be cleaned or that I should do it without being asked. we go around and around in circles like this until I simply bow out and go to my room. Then, the next day she doesn’t want to talk about it and the cycle begins again. these arguments make me feel like something is wrong with me because I can’t just do the chores. I also feel hopeless cause my best solution gets knocked back every time but my mum does not offer another solution. I read online that arguments about housework are never really about housework and I think for my mum it is because she wants to relax at home but can’t do that unless it’s spotless; while that level of clean does not effect me. I really want to help out, both so she can feel like she can relax and the fighting can end about it. does anyone have any ideas on how I can work through this with my mum?

emilyyy1 Boyfriend going on a camping trip with both our friends without me
  • replies: 6

So my boyfriend has just said no to me going on a camping trip in a few weeks as he wanted it to be a “boys weekend” and some time away. but it’s not actually a boys weekend there is a few girlfriends(I’m friends with) and a few single girls( I’m fri... View more

So my boyfriend has just said no to me going on a camping trip in a few weeks as he wanted it to be a “boys weekend” and some time away. but it’s not actually a boys weekend there is a few girlfriends(I’m friends with) and a few single girls( I’m friends with) going. Now I fully understand he wants too go on a boys weekend but if that’s the case and all my friends are going it’s not that fair. More the fact Because everyone I hang out with will be up there to and I’ll be at home by myself . I’ve said this to him and he said hmm and changed the subject. I really want too go and I’ve been invited up by all of people too. What do I do.

Leah_P DCp , GOM18+
  • replies: 2

I'm needing support and guidance With how to be a person after kids go into careI have been a mum since I was 17 ,I am now 34& completely lost on figuring out how I become a person , without being a parent

I'm needing support and guidance With how to be a person after kids go into careI have been a mum since I was 17 ,I am now 34& completely lost on figuring out how I become a person , without being a parent

Chickem100 Married, Jealous and confused.
  • replies: 9

Hi all, Looking for some advice. I’m a 41-year-old happily married man with a child. For the past few years, I’ve developed a wonderful friendship with a work colleague, we’ve always got along well and spend a lot of time together. I’ll admit that I’... View more

Hi all, Looking for some advice. I’m a 41-year-old happily married man with a child. For the past few years, I’ve developed a wonderful friendship with a work colleague, we’ve always got along well and spend a lot of time together. I’ll admit that I’ve always had a small crush on her but nothing too serious as I’m married and for what it’s worth, she’s single. She’s openly talked to me about her dating life and as much as we laugh about it, I always get this nervous and anxious feeling around it and I’m starting to think it could be jealously? I hate the feeling, I hate how I can’t switch it off and I despise the fact it occupies my mind and I’ll end up looking at the guy in questions profile as she always asks my advice and to check him out etc etc I have a perfectly happy home life yet this intrusion is really starting to grate at me. We’ve been such good friends for a long time now that it would break her and possibly me if I said this friendship was untenable. What really bothers me is how this has been going on for so long I and I can’t have her as a “normal” friend who’s interactions don’t require overthinking and possibly jealously over her personal life. The worst part of this is the expenditure of emotional energy which could and should be going into my family dynamic which I love so much. Any advice on this situation would be greatly appreciated. Cheers.

KJSJ92 Lost and Hurt
  • replies: 1

I'm struggling so much. I don't even know where to begin..I am a mother of two little ones 8 and 6. My eldest 8 is Autistic and ADHD. I have been quite sick the past two years - diagnosed with an aggressive giant cell tumor in my femur which resulted... View more

I'm struggling so much. I don't even know where to begin..I am a mother of two little ones 8 and 6. My eldest 8 is Autistic and ADHD. I have been quite sick the past two years - diagnosed with an aggressive giant cell tumor in my femur which resulted in a femur and tibia titanium replacement. I am now going through skin cancer which is so invasive. My health just touches the surfaces of how much I'm struggling with my life. I have a wonderful supportive partner but he is struggling to see me like this. I wake up with anxiety and so overwhelmed with my son. He has been so horrible towards me lately, it's hurting me. He has a lot of therapies and will be seeing his Pead very soon for an updated med but in the meantime I'm just lost. I have a 24 hour BP monitor on me at the moment as that has been ridiculously high. I have 0 family support and very little friends. I have had a terrible past with DV and I have moved from that. It may all contribute to my anxieties? I just am a wreck. I am seeing my Dr today to remove the BP monitor, I think it's now time to open up to her to tell her how much I am struggling with my children and health I am not entirely sure what I need at the moment, I really just want to get that off my chest and have some ideas and perspectives of others. Thank you for reading.