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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Bubbles24 Trust and self-worth after infidelity
  • replies: 1

18mths ago, after suspecting something was not right, I discovered some messages on my husbands phone between him and a work college who had moved away. It was an emotional affair which he states had only just developed and that no sexualised behavio... View more

18mths ago, after suspecting something was not right, I discovered some messages on my husbands phone between him and a work college who had moved away. It was an emotional affair which he states had only just developed and that no sexualised behaviour (including sharing of photos) had occurred. He ended all contact with her and we worked on ‘us’. What had lead us to this point? Many things i.e. him not being home much, me being stubborn and trying to prove that we (we have three small children) didn’t need him anyway, minimal communication, lack of intimacy, etc. So after a lot of hard work, a lot of discussions and me seeing a psychologist, we are in a much better place. We have stayed together, worked through things and are on a much better path together. But I’m still struggling. Struggling to not go back down that tunnel in my head, reliving the time I found the messages, all the different scenarios of what could have happened that I don’t know about. I’m also really struggling to trust him with ‘us’. I don’t want to be broken like that again. I have not told any friends or family what has happened for many reasons, but the main one being to protect both them and us from all the feelings that come with this situation. So I have been doing it all alone. And now I’m getting really tired. So I guess now I’m reaching out to an anonymous group who aren’t emotionally attached to my husband or I… does trust come back? Will I ever be calm again and really know that I’m enough?

Toymanpete They Don't Know (Or Care) If We Exist
  • replies: 1

Hello. I'm writing this today out of sheer exhaustion & exasperation. I'm a live-in carer to my 81-year-old mother who has osteoporosis & fatigue issues. This isn't the reason I'm writing, but because I get 0% support from my family. There were 3 kid... View more

Hello. I'm writing this today out of sheer exhaustion & exasperation. I'm a live-in carer to my 81-year-old mother who has osteoporosis & fatigue issues. This isn't the reason I'm writing, but because I get 0% support from my family. There were 3 kids in the family- My eldest sister lives in self-imposed exile because she was an alcoholic who caused too much trouble. Closer to home is my other sister. She is a toxic former heroin addict with some sort of mental health issue that causes her to act like the world's oldest moody teenager. She served time in a girl's home & seems to think she's still back there. On the rare occasions she does visit us, she never has a good thing to say about anything or anyone & being around her endangers mine and Mum's mental health. She never offers to help, never asks how we are, just flops down & starts whinging. She had 10 kids, all grown up now, but I don't think they even care if we exist- since they all grew up, they've had nothing to do with us, let alone offer to help. The boys all moved to other states & the 2 eldest girls married into money and are now very snobbish. One of the girls had a baby last year & she and my sister seem intent on replacing us in the family with this infant, who they are both obsessed with. It's a non-rejection of sorts- we never get invited to Xmas day, or any family gatherings, they just sort of disappeared. I'd love to 'Blow the Whistle' on them to somebody, for their unwillingness to help out, but I don't know who to go to. Maybe somebody here can help. Thanks for listening & God Bless you all.

lava_lamp conflicting messages from ex boyfriend
  • replies: 1

so me and my boyfriend were together for 2 years and broke up almost 18 months ago now and we broke up due to both of us going through our own personal problems and mutually deciding to take time apart to deal with these issues. since breaking up, ev... View more

so me and my boyfriend were together for 2 years and broke up almost 18 months ago now and we broke up due to both of us going through our own personal problems and mutually deciding to take time apart to deal with these issues. since breaking up, every now and again we have been in contact where most of the time he will contact me first. and sometimes these phases will last a while and then we will go no contact again. more recently he has been talking to girls and tells me “he’s met the love of his life” after meeting them once or just talking a couple days. now he is in an offical relationship for the first time since we broke up with a girl he met less than 2 months ago and lived out of home with her for a couple of weeks which he wants out of home so badly due to family dynamics but can’t afford on his own where as soon as he moved back home he decided to unblock and message me to tell me he was thinking about me and wants to see me while also telling me he likes the girl and she’s nice. he will go from being keen as to see me to going i can’t i’m in a relationship. where this causes me to become anxious abo it losing him as through our contact we have built a great on and off friendship. i ended up seeing him in person to talk about our situation and he was super keen to be with me and was wanting to engage in intimacy where i didn’t since he’s in a relationship. where the next day says oh we should’ve just done it, not feeling bad for his girlfriend at all. where after a few days he decided to talk to her about how he feels they’ve moved to fast and how he feels about me and said he’s talk to me in a few days but would block me in the meantime. so i blocked him first with the intent to let him talk to her and contact him when that’s done. and also for my well-being not waiting around for his message. then as soon as a block him he unblocks my number and asks why i removed him. i didn’t respond and he continued to get my attention throughout the day. where he then sent a message that he spoke to her and that they are going to work through their own problems and that him and i “should go out seperate ways but will leave my number unblocked if i wish to reach out in the future” which i still haven’t replied and the day he said he would message me is coming up and i’m conflicted by his message. by him saying let’s go out seperate ways but then leaving an avenue for me to contact him if i want to. could this mean he may want to continue to contact me ?

Zan11 It’s happened again
  • replies: 7

Hi everyone, just over a year ago my best friend who I have been intimate with ended things. I was shocked and came here for support. You all gave me great advice! But eventually we ended up together again….until today! He said he’s not sure why he’s... View more

Hi everyone, just over a year ago my best friend who I have been intimate with ended things. I was shocked and came here for support. You all gave me great advice! But eventually we ended up together again….until today! He said he’s not sure why he’s getting cold feet about us. Now I’ve had an inkling for 2 weeks something was off already. So this time I saw it coming.But still, I’m feeling sad and lonely, and even more so, I’m feeling disappointed for going back.The hamster keeps spinning the wheel in my mind. How do I stop looking at my phone for his messages? How do I stop feeling lonely and unloved? How do I stop missing him/us?

Lobz Therapeutic Sereration
  • replies: 1

Hello people hope you guys can help, my partner and I have hit a bump in the road in our relationship, while we still love each other we are growing apart. She ( f36) suffers from depression and PTSD, me (m46) suffers from anxiety and OCD, her therap... View more

Hello people hope you guys can help, my partner and I have hit a bump in the road in our relationship, while we still love each other we are growing apart. She ( f36) suffers from depression and PTSD, me (m46) suffers from anxiety and OCD, her therapist has suggested a therapeutic separation for a period of time, while we will still live in the same house hold as we have three kids and jobs to attend we will go about our lives more like room mates, there is more to this but it will be a long post, has any one ever tried doing it ?

Harlow88 How long to wait for a commitment?
  • replies: 5

Hi everyone,I'm looking for some advice please. I have been seeing a really good guy for nearly two years. We’re in our mid 30’s. He is a widower. We’ve had lots of discussions about this due to my feelings of not being able to measure up. We are not... View more

Hi everyone,I'm looking for some advice please. I have been seeing a really good guy for nearly two years. We’re in our mid 30’s. He is a widower. We’ve had lots of discussions about this due to my feelings of not being able to measure up. We are not officially “together” however we are not with other people. He really is a good guy, and my exes have all treated me terribly. He is not like that. I have always been very understanding and patient knowing we’d be taking things slow. I’m starting to wonder how long is long enough to wait to take the next steps?Do I wait longer? Or let him go?Im also starting to notice things that I didn’t before, such as sexual incompatibility and a TINY bit of selfishness. These issues are very small, but I don’t know if I’m self sabotaging. Any advice would be greatly appreciated, the more blunt and honest the better. Thank you if you’ve read all this!

RachG Marriage break down…
  • replies: 3

Hello everyone, this years been tough… my marriage of 10 years has broken down. I’m pretty heartbroken as we’d been together for 15 years and I didn’t see this coming at all. We have 2 young children. At the moment I trying to push through Christmas ... View more

Hello everyone, this years been tough… my marriage of 10 years has broken down. I’m pretty heartbroken as we’d been together for 15 years and I didn’t see this coming at all. We have 2 young children. At the moment I trying to push through Christmas as well as preparing to sell our home and tell the children too. I need some words of wisdom/advice from people who’ve been through similar situations/someone to tell me I’ll survive all of this! It’s a lot and I’m emotionally exhausted. Thank you for reading xx

Katie84 Help me
  • replies: 1

I have been with my partner for 4 years. I had 4 children from a previous relationship when we met. He was charming and lovely. Until a few months in, it all changed. He became abusive towards my children. Threatened them. Threatened me if I did Anyt... View more

I have been with my partner for 4 years. I had 4 children from a previous relationship when we met. He was charming and lovely. Until a few months in, it all changed. He became abusive towards my children. Threatened them. Threatened me if I did Anything about it. I eventually after 3 years got An avo... I had already had a child to him. He threatens to take him off me everyday if I have anything bad to say. He told me so many lies to get money from me, I have given him about 40,000 because of his apparent problems. When I realised what was going on and stopped giving him money he turned really abusive and nasty . He threatens to take our son off me. He has left with him once and I had to get a recovery order. I put up with things just to keep him happy. I just found out I was pregnant again but I lost it, he yelled and screamed at me and was very unpleasant to me. I can't do this any more. He is extremely mean and I feel I have no place to go

Grace994 Feeling a bit lost
  • replies: 1

I am having a bit of a rough time and just need some words of encouragement. Over 10 years ago my family fell apart. Mother cheated and moved to a different country, she seems pretty happy now despite not having a relationship with me since. Her fami... View more

I am having a bit of a rough time and just need some words of encouragement. Over 10 years ago my family fell apart. Mother cheated and moved to a different country, she seems pretty happy now despite not having a relationship with me since. Her family also stopped talking to us. Dad and I grew closer over the following years but then he met and married a very cruel woman who is a narcissist and turned my dad against me. She made blatant lies that my partner also confirms were never true. I became estranged from my dad and brother and lost all family contact, until last year where I tried to reconnet with Dad. Its okay-ish now, but its very toxic. He has also become a narcissist and is a major workaholic. He never has time for me, we go months without talking. Then he'll talk to me as if no time has passed. My brother's only contact is sending me irrelevant videos on instagram with no context, that he also sends to other people. He and my husband have more of a friendship and will occasionally hang out with his friend group playing games and board games. I'm not really invited and just sit at home watching tv to not feel lonely. I try not to make it that obvious to my husband cause I don't want to effect the only friendships he has. But I'm desperate to play board games with friends, its one of my favourite things to do but I haven't done it since my school years. I've been left out of the family Christmas lunches the past few years which I never expect to be invited to but it still really hurts to feel like no one cares. Dad says that his wife bought our most recent xmas presents, but I discovered they were all bought from a charity shop..my dad and his wife are quite well off and recently dropped $3k on a new couch....so it sucks to be treated so poorly. Not that I want expensive gifts, but the purposeful lack of thought hurts. I have no real friends and always feel like I have to flog a dead horse to organise a friendly catch up that never goes anywhere, but its never reciprocated. My husband is loving but has no idea how to help me and that just makes me feel worse. I feel really lonely, abandoned and let down. I can't afford therapy right now, though I know it would help. I'm just not sure what to do to feel better. I am a big family oriented person, so to not have any is really difficult for me. Really need some advice on how to feel better.

78broke Infidelity and betrayal by wife and oldest friend.
  • replies: 1

I need both a sounding boards and some advice, sorry if this rambles.so about 1/3 of the way through last year I found out my wife of 28 years was having an affair with my oldest friend of 44 years who was best man at my wedding. They tried and still... View more

I need both a sounding boards and some advice, sorry if this rambles.so about 1/3 of the way through last year I found out my wife of 28 years was having an affair with my oldest friend of 44 years who was best man at my wedding. They tried and still claim nothing happened , but I found through divorce docs/financial records and a bit of snooping that he’d booked 3hotels where she said she was supposedly seeing friends from interstate, no record of hotel charge, no cash out but all foods for 2 people paid for or reverse hotel paid and no food paid for. This tore me apart and still does if I think about it to much as I not only lost my wife, but the other person who I thought I could trust and was a friend who called me brother, also totally betrayed me.Her affair started after we had an argument where it was about 1am, I said “enough , I’m going to sleep in the study” she followed me down hallway screaming get back to bed, waking our kids up, o sat on bed in study, she grabbed me, yelling her back to bed , said “no your drunk”and pulled away. She then hit me in the left side temple/side of eye socket , I got up to move away, she then almost pushed me over, I yelled, “you don’t hit your partner,WTF are you doing” as I’m a bogish guy, when she tried to push me again, I held her arms down and just yelled at her again “to get out, you don’t ever hit me, if you want a divorce you’ve got it” she went to bed and I slept poorly in the study. Next day she came out with a packed bag and disappeared for 5 days. Over the next 14 months I tried to fix our marriage but looking back and at her bank records,Thin is when I believe it started, after that for 14 months until I found out about the affair , she was away one weekend a month and would go for”drives to relax or look at the ocean” for 3-7hrs 2-3 times a week. I believe a vast majority of these where to hook up with him.Then I look back at the 14 months before I found out, and there where so many signs , I was stupid and gullible to miss them as I trusted these two. I’ve now been seperated 9 months, most of the kids are living with me, the thing that grates is an”accidental”(prearranged) bumping into him by her when the kids are with her.i haven’t told the kids yet ,but I don’t know when, how , how much or if I should tell them at all. I see some of the things she’s doing to one of my older kids in particular and I’m so close to blurting it all out as he’s feeling pain because of the ways she’s speaking and treating him.