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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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anonymous1994 My wife left me
  • replies: 2

Hello my name is James, I’m 29 years old. in August ‘23 I got my married to the love of my life. The woman I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. We planned to have children next year some time. Life was great. until about 4 weeks ago she ... View more

Hello my name is James, I’m 29 years old. in August ‘23 I got my married to the love of my life. The woman I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. We planned to have children next year some time. Life was great. until about 4 weeks ago she said she doesn’t love me anymore and she can’t be the person that I need her to be. My whole world got destroyed. I lost my wife, my house, my dogs and my cats. She said maybe in the future we can be civil and maybe even friends. But I don’t think I can do that. I can’t watch her move on from me with potential someone else. I’m already in so much pain I don’t know if my heart can take anymore. Does that make me a bad person? Maybe. I’m scared. Lost. And unsure where I go from here.

Stuckinthemiddle431 Supporting younger sister who has gone no contact with mum
  • replies: 2

Hey guys,I don't even know where to start. My mum has been a very challenging woman our whole lives. Numerous things including - exclusion to sudden favoritism and back, causing eating disorders, prioritizing abusive partner and even worse stepdaught... View more

Hey guys,I don't even know where to start. My mum has been a very challenging woman our whole lives. Numerous things including - exclusion to sudden favoritism and back, causing eating disorders, prioritizing abusive partner and even worse stepdaughter. My sister has gone through the ringer. I have basically adopted a mother role for my sister since I was in my early teens. At one point even thanking my mum sarcastically for killing my sister, because at that point, my sister was going through extreme depression and suicidal thoughts, I genuinely thought I was going to lose my sister. Over the years, mum has had her own issues to deal with including an attempt to take her life which ended up with her in a mental health ward for a couple months. She has, in a backwards way, blamed how she treated my sister as the reason for her attempt, which has made my sister feel guilty for not forgiving her. But she also won't admit what she's done. I'm going through my own therapy for C-PTSD due to issues with both parents and other outside causes, but nothing as extreme. I'm low contact with mum and dad. It has come to a point now where my sister, who is now 30, has been low contact for years, is fed up. Shes going no contact with mum and low contact with dad. I know my mum will not accept it, try to put me in the middle, and I believe she will also try take her life again. I don't know how to support my sister through this while also managing my own mental health. I guess I don't know how to shut down mums questioning because she brings up my sister 4 out of 5 conversations. I know i'm going to be in the middle and if mum tries something, her family will come after me.

Chris__D Need help getting over an old flame
  • replies: 3

Hi, As the title states I need some help getting over my last partner. I am a male (27) and I have been separated from my last partner for 8 months or so now. I use the term partner as I never really committed to a relationship with her and thus crea... View more

Hi, As the title states I need some help getting over my last partner. I am a male (27) and I have been separated from my last partner for 8 months or so now. I use the term partner as I never really committed to a relationship with her and thus created more of a situationship rather than a relationship. I believe this was due to me not being ready to settle down (which I now regret not doing) and is possibly due to me not really having any lengthy relationships in the past and thus was scared of the idea of commitment. This led to me distancing myself from intimacy in the latter stages of our time together to the point where I suggested we split as I started to convince myself I was being toxic for her and genuinely believed she deserved better despite her stating that she didn't mind not committing to anything and was happy to continue as we were. In hindsight, I believe my anxious thoughts got the better of me and I convinced myself that I was a problem for her when in reality she really did care for me. 8 months down the track I have finally started to regret my decision as I truly believe I won't find anyone like her again. So, in a hope to repair what we once had I sent a heartfelt message to her and she replied with a picture of who I assume is her new partner holding a puppy obviously to indicate to me that she has moved on. This single picture broke me, and now I'm feeling worse than ever before. I'm now regretting all of my decisions and am left wishing I could somehow go back and change the past which I know is not possible. I want to believe that she will somehow change her mind and we will be able to continue from where we left off but I know that's not going to happen either. I have come to realise now that she was "the one" and I am unsure how to deal with these regrets. Can anyone please offer some insight on the following, it would be more than appreciated. 1. Is it worth keeping optimistic about her possibly changing her mind despite having a new partner? As I believe that she really did care for me based on statements such as "You're not like a lot of guys" and "I appreciate you as a person" 2. At my current age (27) I'm now stressing about will I ever find another person who makes me feel like she did? I certainly don't have high standards but I need someone who can match me on an intellectual level and this is an extremely rare quality to find in a woman these days and thus I am worried I'll never find that type of person again. Thanks,C

nixxyboo Family won’t believe me.
  • replies: 3

Genuinely got distracted with a phone call and walked out of a store with something.(went back paid it was all fine) but now my family think I have a stealing issue because someone said in the past they think I am (I’d rather go into debt first). But... View more

Genuinely got distracted with a phone call and walked out of a store with something.(went back paid it was all fine) but now my family think I have a stealing issue because someone said in the past they think I am (I’d rather go into debt first). But they don’t believe me and saying I need to get help. I love them but 2 members (the ones this is about) have always been extremely judgy so I’ve never felt comfortable talking to them about well anything deep really. What do I do. I know myself the truth but how do I deal with family that are angry with me and think I have issues

melia74 Scared
  • replies: 1

I will try to explain in simple and quick Partner and I have been taking drugs for 15 years recreational use. For the past 10 years I've been subjected to constant cheating accusations Cameras in the house watching him and putting him on show when we... View more

I will try to explain in simple and quick Partner and I have been taking drugs for 15 years recreational use. For the past 10 years I've been subjected to constant cheating accusations Cameras in the house watching him and putting him on show when we have sex. I have signed my life away to someone and when I don't want to go near him as he has made me feel discussing he says they are telling me what to do. I live this man but it's becoming to much for my mental state and.my daughters. He knows I don't want to take drugs anymore and he doesn't care as long as he gets his sex at the end of the day. If I'm with my daughter he gets pissed off as I've not made time for him. The list goes on He has sometimes made me lye naked so he can look over my body to see if there is any evidence of something. I'm tired and scared.

Elizabeth666 Fighting the narcissist in the magistrate court - need an experience barrister for hearing
  • replies: 1

I am hoping to find a lawyer / barrister to represent me in court that understands a narcsissist mind games. I have had 2 lawyers, both expecting me to plead guity for breach an IVO just to make a quick dollar. I cant plead guilty for acts I cannot r... View more

I am hoping to find a lawyer / barrister to represent me in court that understands a narcsissist mind games. I have had 2 lawyers, both expecting me to plead guity for breach an IVO just to make a quick dollar. I cant plead guilty for acts I cannot remember doing. We were in a relationship for 3 years, it got quite abusive. I reported him many times to the police, even afte showing bruising all over my body police did nothing. He reports a lie to the police, the police jump to help me. My psychologist says because I had attack after attack by the man, his current partner and police, I had a traumatic episode as I have no memory of the events for 48 hours. I went into fight mode. I did not hurt anybody but I breached an IVO. I believe he manipulated the police with false stories. I told another woman who was also sleeping with this man is a conman be careful. That was it, the attacks against me started. I am in the process of collecting all the evidence and getting a psychologist forensic report. Now I need a barrister to help me at the hearing. I have been fighting this battle for 12 months. I cant have his name next to my name on record as the abuse will continue. I need all ties with him broken. My life has been turned upside down.

liv_2377 I’m lost on what to do
  • replies: 3

Hello, I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety for nearly over a year now and my issue is surrounding my relationship I have a boyfriend (he is great, amazing, nothing to complain about) but recently I have met this guy let’s call him Colli... View more

Hello, I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety for nearly over a year now and my issue is surrounding my relationship I have a boyfriend (he is great, amazing, nothing to complain about) but recently I have met this guy let’s call him Collin and collin and i get along super well and i feel like i have known him for ages and there is a lot sexual chemistry between us and im sometimes tempted to see what it would be like to take it further but i dont want to lose my boyfriend over this crush but i feel like im missing out on an opportunity

movingon1970 How do I put a past relationship in the past,
  • replies: 1

I’ve never talked at length about this before… kinda thought it was daft. Back in 1986 i met “F” who I thought was the girl of my dreams, the one! I was almost 16. We dated for c4 years and then out of nowhere it was over a month before her 18th birt... View more

I’ve never talked at length about this before… kinda thought it was daft. Back in 1986 i met “F” who I thought was the girl of my dreams, the one! I was almost 16. We dated for c4 years and then out of nowhere it was over a month before her 18th birthday. I’ve no idea why it ended although she was moving away for uni. Over the following 4 years we kept in touch and saw eachother now and again. I continued to hold a flame for her even though during that time we had seen various other people. In 1991 I met my now wife “S” and a year of so later “F” met her now husband. I think that there were probably a hand ful of times where “F” and I could have gotten back together, but I either never took the chance or the timing was not right. As my relationship with “S” got deeper it became clear that my ongoing communication with “F” was getting in the way… “F” seemed to pop up when S or I was feeling a bit wobbly. In early 1995 I wrote to “F” to say goodbye…. That wasn’t received well and I saw her for a final time. “F” said she understood.In late 1995 “S” and I got engaged. I had heard that “F” got engaged a week or so later. I married “ S” in mid 1996. Turned out that “F” got married the week before. Since the goodbye letter I have now and again thought of “F”. Bizarrely when things weren’t 100% with “S”, I’d have an out of the blue dream about “F”…. Which always made me feel a bit wobbly for a day or 2. Fast forward to 2007 and “S” and I plus our 2 round kids have moved to Australia from the UK. Within a month of moving downunder “F” made contact via social media. The messages seemed innocent although she did reminisce about the past using “in” language. I showed “S” all the messages as they came through. After 3 months the messages stopped. Again since that time I have thought about “F” now and again plus had the odd dream…. Never anything sexual, just “F” and I doing everyday things. fast forward to December 2023 and out of the blue I dreamt of “F” again… this time I woke up with an overwhelming sense of loss, sorrow and sadness. 2 days later I’m still feeling the same and becoming very emotional. i believe dreams have meanings and so found the old messages from “F” and wrote her a message asking if she was ok, explaining the dream and the intensity of feelings… I deleted the message as I thought it hadn’t been seen and thought that such a random message after 16 years silence was a bit wierd. ”F” did see the message before it deleted and responded. She was grateful for my concern, we shared a couple more messages about our kids and dreams…. And that is it. My mind is now running overtime thinking about “F”, what could have been, could there be something now etc… every time a thought pops in , the tears flow…. This is ridiculous. This is ridiculous as I don’t know the 51 yo “F”…. Just the 18yo memories.. .There’s no way I’m giving up on my almost 30yr marriage. When I entered into marriage it was for life… divorce was and is never an option. We life 12000 miles apart. so how do I put “F” firmly in her rightful place in the past and kill off the emotions?

brokenman81 Where to from here
  • replies: 3

I don’t know where to start. I discovered my wife of almost ten years and mother of my two children was having an affair with one of my good friends. Who is also married with three children. I’ve seen text messages talking about sex and saying how mu... View more

I don’t know where to start. I discovered my wife of almost ten years and mother of my two children was having an affair with one of my good friends. Who is also married with three children. I’ve seen text messages talking about sex and saying how much they love each other. Anyway, since it all came out, his wife tells me that he came clean about everything and is wanting to get counselling, etc, whatever it will take to save their marriage. My wife on the other hand, kept denying it was physical and gets angry with me when I ask her how long it’s been going on, when, where, etc. It seems like she wants me to play happy families for Xmas, for the kids, then it’s all over. I feel sick all the time, can’t eat and can’t sleep. I’ve had suicidal thoughts but the only thing keeping me going right now and wanting to try to work on it is my two children, they don’t deserve any of this.

Emma82 Alcoholic spouse
  • replies: 5

I’m hoping someone here has some advice to guide me through a really hard situation.My husband and I separated two years ago because he was emotionally and sometimes physically abusive. After 12 months apart I agreed to give our relationship another ... View more

I’m hoping someone here has some advice to guide me through a really hard situation.My husband and I separated two years ago because he was emotionally and sometimes physically abusive. After 12 months apart I agreed to give our relationship another go as we had a then 2 year old. In the last 2 months the drinking and emotional abuse has started again. He continues to drink drive with my son in the car. He finishes work earlier than me so picks him up from childcare. I am able to get him and begged him to stop but he continues anyway. I have called the police and they have said unless he’s caught in the act there’s nothing they can do. I know my son and I need to leave but with the housing crisis and not having any family in the state, we have no where to go. I have spoken to his family about this but they don’t seem to be as concerned as they should. I’ve begged him to leave but he won’t. How can I stop him from drink driving with my son? TIA