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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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David35 trouble dealing with ageing and frail mum
  • replies: 5

I live with my mum, who recently got through bladder cancer unscathed. Except now both she and I don't seem to get along that well anymore. She's getting more frail and I worry about her falls and sudden dizzy spells, particularly because we have sta... View more

I live with my mum, who recently got through bladder cancer unscathed. Except now both she and I don't seem to get along that well anymore. She's getting more frail and I worry about her falls and sudden dizzy spells, particularly because we have stairs. She's a people person. When she's starved of people contact, she gets really down, which is hard to cope with. On top of this, I'm struggling to deal with my own anxiety issues, which make me irritable and hard to get along with. I'm seeking treatment for my anxiety, some of which I think was caused by the endless doctors appointments. But we just can't seem to converse without one or other blowing up. Usually me... is this just PTSD I'm suffering?

fflove5 Husband of 17 years leaves. I’m a mess
  • replies: 6

My husband dropped a bomb on me and has moved out. Decided on Monday and told teen kids on Tuesday and was at an air bnb wed. I am an absolute mess. He said he hasn’t been happy for a long time( I call bullshit because we have had some amazing times)... View more

My husband dropped a bomb on me and has moved out. Decided on Monday and told teen kids on Tuesday and was at an air bnb wed. I am an absolute mess. He said he hasn’t been happy for a long time( I call bullshit because we have had some amazing times) but he’s been so stressed at work and become antisocial and works from home and is worried he’s almost 50 and his body isn’t what it used to be. I’ve tried so hard to fight him to stay and I love him so much. He floated this idea before Christmas and I went above and beyond to try and help him and change things and he seemed happy and responsive and intimate to even holding hands a few days before. But he said his heads a mess and he needs space to breathe and feels suffocated wtf can I do I am an absolute mess trying to understand this. I have noticed the last 12 months he started to become antisocial and drink more and work a lot. He refused to speak up when work got too much and has bottled up a lot of feelings and I feel like all of a sudden they have blown up and he thinks this is what he needs to do. Since he’s been gone I’ve taken counselling advice and given him his space and wide berth despite it absolutely killing me because I want to help him. I’ve suggested counselling ( he said “what can they do to help me I need to sort myself out first and not waste their time) he’s even mentioned stopping drinking did it a week then got angry at me when he slipped up and decided to walk. I am a fighter in relationships I told him I am going to fight for us because we all have hurdles and we get through and build foundations and get better than ever but he is saying he’s done and he doesn’t like being robotic and just existing. He doesn’t love himself anymore. I see him as depressed ( not sure at what level) but it kills me now I am only communicating about kids . He now is starting to bring me coffee and offer to cook dinner. It’s like he still have one foot in the door both ways and i am struggling. I have cried for days since he left Wednesday. Today has been the worst being a weekend. Some hours of the day I feel ok and I am trying to get on with my life but then I see him come in all chirpy and humming to himself and smiling and it’s ripping me to pieces .

SizzleW Cheated
  • replies: 4

A month ago I made the decision to sleep with someone else other than my husband. This guy that I slept with is 11 years younger than me and has a child (single dad whom I met through work). I loved the excitement, the fun, the naughtiness of it and ... View more

A month ago I made the decision to sleep with someone else other than my husband. This guy that I slept with is 11 years younger than me and has a child (single dad whom I met through work). I loved the excitement, the fun, the naughtiness of it and many of times I have wanted to do it again. I feel no affection from my husband even when I have tried to initiate things. I don't know what to do, my feelings are mixed I love my husband but am starting to develop feelings for the other guy.

Aria87 Triggered by opinionated SIL
  • replies: 9

When my hubby & i first got together, i felt his sister VERY clingy to him,in which took her time to realize he was now in a relationship &soon to be married so she learnt her boundaries etc.We had a falling out early stages, where she involved herse... View more

When my hubby & i first got together, i felt his sister VERY clingy to him,in which took her time to realize he was now in a relationship &soon to be married so she learnt her boundaries etc.We had a falling out early stages, where she involved herself too much when i fell pregnant with my son. We moved on, but in my heart i knew she was at fault, HOWEVER took it as a lesson learnt with my husband & got over it - my husband did not see the issue.SIL has since divorced & now in a relationship in which nobody approves & is somewhat a secret due to her religious beliefs (which is also contradicting as the argument we had about was religious views and if this is the case she is doing way worse than my husband & i did which again is non of her business, nor is her choices to me)My SIL then became distant which my husband knew was something to do with us, i was blind sighted as me & the SIL have been fine (i assumed) but when he asked her what was wrong, so told my husband she was annoyed with me.Her bday, i had covid, was on my way to negative however still VERY unwell, yet i packed up my family to spend the weekend away for her, had a great time yet still fell very sick & left the next morning as i had work the next day - she stated i acted as if i didnt want to be there & it was her bday & shouldve made more effort.Same event- i made a comment about a dish cooked, in which i told my son he wouldnt like it, as i know what my son eats and wastes - she complained i was offensive as it was something they prepared.Her children, have in the past gotten my child into trouble by winding him up etc. - she complained how i am WITH MY OWN SON & told my husband i should let him be around her children.I was triggered once my husband told her in this chat that he would inform me about how she feels in which she replied "if i knew you would tell her, i wouldn't have told you" THIS is the issue i cannot deal with - SIL wanting to be the center of attention & going out of her way to tell my husband these issues which i think are ridiculous & she expects my husband to not tell me. I believe she shouldn't have said anything to my husband, as i wouldn't put my own brother in this situation & wedge myself between him & his wife. Im trying to be a better & still treating her as normal, yet now she is distant which reminds me of the past where i was originally hurt by their comments.

Kat86393 Husband with PDD wants divorce
  • replies: 4

My husband has had depression for the last few years and for the last 6 months it is been at its worst with suicidal ideation. We have 2-year-old and 6 month old daughter's. The last 6 months have been incredibly hard with a young bub and my husband ... View more

My husband has had depression for the last few years and for the last 6 months it is been at its worst with suicidal ideation. We have 2-year-old and 6 month old daughter's. The last 6 months have been incredibly hard with a young bub and my husband was also medically discharged from the Air Force. He says that he doesn't see a future for us because we will drag each other down. What do I do? Do I refuse to accept this as being him? Is it his depression dating we are better off without him? I can't imagine my future without him.

R.Penn Unemployed and depressed
  • replies: 4

Hi I feel really depressed today, I am unemployed and have been so since December 2022. I worked for two months prior to that at Aus Post as a Christmas casual and before that I was unemployed for 2 years since covid. I have been told by everyone tha... View more

Hi I feel really depressed today, I am unemployed and have been so since December 2022. I worked for two months prior to that at Aus Post as a Christmas casual and before that I was unemployed for 2 years since covid. I have been told by everyone that doesn’t get to see me everyday to “ just get a job”… they aren’t seeing me. I went to my job provider today and he was a complete bully again, I have been exhausted trying to stand up for myself and am sick of this system we live in. It’s failing so many people. I feel depressed mainly because he called my process of finding work pathetic… and am I just going to continue searching online for a job and filling in my obligations… he is supposed to help me and be empathetic. I feel like I shouldn’t listen to him but criticism echoes in my head. My good friend told me that I need to get my self confidence back on text, and it just hurt. I am quite aware of how I am feeling and what’s going on. I am trying. I am trying to find my way in this world. I was an artist, it was a brave choice and it was stupid because it got me no where but poverty, I lost my imagination due to life events, depression and the general survival stress of trying to get by. I was not born into a family of wealth but I did not have a terrible up bringing either, not great but it wasn’t bad compared to others stories. It’s dysfunctional like everyone else’s. I just need a break, I need to find somewhere I feel SAFE to work and I wont be harassed by men at work. I am sick and tired of having to have to explain myself. I just want to be GOOD at something again. Hearing the word Pathetic today just makes me spiral into negativity again when I have been trying to find hope and positivity. I feel so shit and like I shouldn’t be here I am useless waste of space on the tax system. These job providers need to get in the bin, they are all show, and image and no action. No empathy for people. I don’t have anyone I can talk to thank you for listening. I have worked it’s just I am never good enough for a permanent role where I can stay long term. I don’t fit in this world anymore.

PsychedelicFur My ex is now back with his ex before me, I feel like I was a REBOUND
  • replies: 1

Hello there, After leaving my longterm relationship of one year, I have just found out that my ex partner is getting back together with his ex (before me). I feel really hurt that after a month he can just move on like that and back with his ex, befo... View more

Hello there, After leaving my longterm relationship of one year, I have just found out that my ex partner is getting back together with his ex (before me). I feel really hurt that after a month he can just move on like that and back with his ex, before me. I am feeling so lonely and sad. Although, I’m lonely.. I am appreciative that I had did not stay with him because he would guilt trip me and say things like “…I will never love another” and “If you leave me I will be forever alone and you are my last hope.” Because he is going back with his ex it has made me feel that the WHOLE time he had feelings for her… I felt like a rebound. It has made me feel terrible about my self esteem.

Tintetare23 Alone and possibly insane
  • replies: 5

happy 4am everyone, I can’t sleep!! I’m a little lost… married 21 years 3 kids. My marriage lacks respect, love and intimacy and although I have attempted numerous times to discuss this with my partner all I get is “get over it”. He works nights and ... View more

happy 4am everyone, I can’t sleep!! I’m a little lost… married 21 years 3 kids. My marriage lacks respect, love and intimacy and although I have attempted numerous times to discuss this with my partner all I get is “get over it”. He works nights and once home (at around 11:30am) he sits on the Xbox until he goes to bed (6:30pm). I get no support to run the house, no happy conversations just an angry resentful man. Although surrounded by people I feel lonely, depressed and anxious that my marriage is falling apart and I have no control.

Rex007 Feeling Trapped
  • replies: 3

I have been married for quite a number of years now and truthfully I feel like it should have ended at least 7 years ago. My partner is very controlling and is more likely to give me orders than to show any kind of affection. At best we are just frie... View more

I have been married for quite a number of years now and truthfully I feel like it should have ended at least 7 years ago. My partner is very controlling and is more likely to give me orders than to show any kind of affection. At best we are just friends which is how she wants it to be. But it feels so lonely living like that.So why don't I leave? The big reason is because we have two kids 18 and 15 who have high functioning Autism and high anxiety as a result. I don't see any way that I could leave without them blaming themselves for the breakup.The other reason is because I don't know how to leave. I've been in this "marriage" for so long now that I don't know I could manage it. I have no family or friends that I can rely on - it's just me trapped, wanting more but knowing it'll never get better. I feel that she would get bitter if I left. I'm just tired of getting blamed for things when I work so hard.We have done marriage counselling (a few sessions anyway) and it was enough to realise that we both want different things. I just don't know what the next step is. I'm afraid to jump but know that I want to. P.S. I don't want to leave my kids because they bring the nost joy - I don't know what will happen there.

R.Penn Sharehouse difficulties
  • replies: 6

Hi, I have not posted in some time. But my circumstances have improved greatly. I am no longer renting a old caravan and am back living in my old share-house, with my boyfriend. He managed to convince my ex housemate to allow me to move back into the... View more

Hi, I have not posted in some time. But my circumstances have improved greatly. I am no longer renting a old caravan and am back living in my old share-house, with my boyfriend. He managed to convince my ex housemate to allow me to move back into the home and back on the lease agreement.It’s been hard adjusting after the history here with said housemate tho. He has not treated my boyfriend (who is autistic and very kind hearted) with much respect and is pretty inconsiderate self absorbed. I am trying to focus on the positives while I search for employment and wait for psychology appointments, in between trying to do some CBT and staying on my medication for anxiety. I went off meds for a month which I regret as this ended up in me exploding in resentment towards my ex housemate and calling him out as a bully. It was way overdue but he caught me when I just wanted to mind my own business and calm down. He cannot read my mood very well, says he doesn’t want to socialise with us, but then tries to small talk to me and we never do anything outside of the home with him. We are living with a stranger who is 10 years my senior. I am tired of the fake vibes. I am struggling at the moment, my boyfriend gets upset over unexpected changes and then I have to carry the emotions after he has vented to me and then I get resentful again against the housemate who I am not talking to as he has decided to purchase a new motorcycle and now has 5 vehicles on the property. Me and my partner share one car spot under the car port. I park on the road. He is now taking up another street park on the road which leaves me no room to park anywhere. I think these are small frustrating issues (he doesn’t buy dishwashing tabs, or cleaning products or TP for the house ever) but they are annoying because it appears inconsiderate and we also pay more rent as we have 3 rooms now in the house and pay for those. our housemate takes up the rest of the house with his furniture and gets the downstairs area too but he gets to pay a $137 a week which is an absolute steal at the moment with the housing crisis. We pay $435 a week. We just want to feel comfortable in our home which we have a right to spread out too. I am so grateful to have a safe and moderately quiet house in a nice area of the city. But I worry my car is not safe on the street and I will just have to face more trouble because of this housemate. I don’t know is this too petty?