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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Bubby36 Getting blocked by a close online friend- Feeling the sadness and anxiety the past month
  • replies: 6

This is my first time on here but I look forward to the interactions! My (22 yr old guy) close online friend from America (20 female), I've known since December 2022 blocked me last month and I've been grieving everyday. We were really close, we talk... View more

This is my first time on here but I look forward to the interactions! My (22 yr old guy) close online friend from America (20 female), I've known since December 2022 blocked me last month and I've been grieving everyday. We were really close, we talked everyday and I even sent her a gift in the mail as she shared her address with me, we were that close. I'm really hurt by how it happened and I tried so hard to prevent it but my anxiety was the driving force of why she did, she tolerated it at first but when life got in the way she couldn't talk or interact as much, but she tried her best. I feel so guilty because she asked for space so many times but I would not give it, in terms of I would always text and get anxious when she doesn't specify a time to get back to me. The block came out of nowhere but in context we had an argument the night before and when I woke up to greet her good morning, she blocked me upon seeing my text. I've tried to reach out to friends for advice and help, some helpful more then others. I had a panic attack on the train today as I tried to reach out to a friend from another state by calling her. Her new (3 months) boyfriend saw it and texted me to not do that again but my anxiety compelled me to call and her boyfriend insulted me and accused me of not being her friend as she was being supportive of my situation and therefore blocked me on her account which caused the panic attack as it triggered memories of my American friend blocking me as another person as blocked me (All be it potentially not my fault this time due to the controlling boyfriend). Lucky a man around my age consoled me and gave me some tissues and his attention to talk about how I feel throughout the whole train trip. Today feels like a new low due that incident on the train and it being 3 weeks since my American friend blocked me. I know I have to move on but I am struggling to accept it, one thing I did that was bad was making alternate accounts to get her attention in order for her to forgive me. I regret that and I realise that is part of my grief to get something back I lost, I really cared for her and that connection with someone is special and I don't have any of that with my existing friends. I hope this is all ok and I can get some responses about some things I can do (I have being seeing a therapist and trying to get a routine) but happiness is hard to come by, every happy thing I do seems to not work and I have felt sadness every single day for a month.

Kez77 Legal and financial help to get out of toxic relationship
  • replies: 4

So all my money is wrapped up and goes into our home account which is just in my fiancees name and he is verbally and physically abusive and dealing with bipolar which I have tried to help him through the last year for was a herion addict 30 years ag... View more

So all my money is wrapped up and goes into our home account which is just in my fiancees name and he is verbally and physically abusive and dealing with bipolar which I have tried to help him through the last year for was a herion addict 30 years ago and they changed his meds and now is not the person I meet and will not accept that needs help even thought family and I have told him even recorded his out rages and showed him but still just blames me for everything. I can't do this anymore I have tried to help for last year support us looked after him when could get out of bed for days on end and I just can't do anymore but all my money is in our home account that he has control over. I went and saw a couple local solicitors but they wand $400-$500 just for a appointment. I can't access that money or he will know is there any other way can get help. Have spoken to QPS and if he lays another hand on me can have him removed for 48 hours but that's not going to help just make things much worse. I don't know what to do but have video of his outbursts and all just need help to find a way to get out without setting him off. Was our anniversary the weekend just gone and he brought me flowers we went to our fav restaurant and had a good weekend as soon as goes back to work he just starts with the verbal abuse non stop about me and my family when all we have done is helped him for he has no family is like it sets him off something he has done at work or something. I am at my wits end and love him when he is his normal self but that is not very often and keep asking him to come with me and see a new doctor and therapy together but never will for doesn't want to admit he has a issue just wants to blame me my family and everyone around him. I don't know what to do anymore when he starts with the verbal abuse in texts I just ignore and then be nice and make sure everything is perfect at home house clean everything done ask what would like for dinner ... He just goes to work comes home and hides in spare room I am the maid the provider and the one he can lash out on to make himself feel better. I just need a way to get help to access our money which we have always paid double home loan and put into saving when make much less but seem to pay more for all food and household things I pay for. And now just keeps threatening me and telling me to leave when he is having a rage and then when normal loves me. I can't do it anymore.

Alyciae Stay or go?
  • replies: 1

I have been with my partner for 3 years. We have so much fun, but in the last year we have had some stressful things happen and we haven’t been the best supports to each other. As a result of this, every week we will butt heads and have a disagreemen... View more

I have been with my partner for 3 years. We have so much fun, but in the last year we have had some stressful things happen and we haven’t been the best supports to each other. As a result of this, every week we will butt heads and have a disagreement. These usually start with me being short (either annoyed by something he has/hasn’t done), cracking the shits over something minor or one of us not getting out needs met. I know I wasn’t being the best partner. I have just found out that he had formed an emotional relationship with someone from work and this had been going on for the past few months. I’m obviously beside myself, but since we weren’t in the best place I can see how emotional needs were being met elsewhere (I don’t agree with any of this). I’m now a few months on from finding out and he has done well with trying to build things back. However, when we now argue I feel so isolated because I have no one I can openly talk to about any of this as I don’t want my friends/families opinion of him or me for staying to change.

justgotosleep I'm making my husband sad
  • replies: 4

For those with who suffer through depression and anxiety (like me), have you ever thought that subconsciously one of the big reasons you push a spouse away is because you're flat out finding your own happiness let alone being responsible for there's?... View more

For those with who suffer through depression and anxiety (like me), have you ever thought that subconsciously one of the big reasons you push a spouse away is because you're flat out finding your own happiness let alone being responsible for there's?....and the more they push for you to 'open up' and get in your face and tell you to 'snap out of it' followed by 'you're ruining our marriage...', just makes you push them away more? I've lived through the sadness. I've been on medication for 2 1/2 years, I found motivation and happiness when I felt mentally stronger and found a job that I loved working 1 1/2 hrs away at a mine. A family member is also from that industry and I found my place. Things were better for me. My roster allowed me to be home every weekend and a weekday. But with a husband at home, working fulltime and taking care of the kids (our 10yr old son on the spectrum), he struggled and would constantly remind me of my time away. He phoned me EVERY night that I was away since late 2021. One night, he in tears, I decided I should come home. The transition hasn't been easy though. I left a job that I love and to me, every other option will be mediocre, including the job I now have which is 100% in an office and not the outdoorsy job I had at the mine. I feel lost. My mental health is slipping again. I feel like I've come back for the kids and the husband and now I have nothing for me. And I've been called selfish too...which is probably right, but when you have depression and anxiety and you find a year and a bit of joy and happiness you hold on to it with an iron fist. I sleep on the couch. I'm making my husband sad but I can't lie to him or me about how I feel. I don't want sex. I just want to raise our kids under the same roof and that's it.

James_1999 Am I cheating on my partner?
  • replies: 8

Hi so I went to Europe recently whilst my girlfriend stayed behind. I love her very much and we have a great relationship. While I was in Scotland I went out clubbing and took some drugs with a guy I met at the club. This was very unlike me as I have... View more

Hi so I went to Europe recently whilst my girlfriend stayed behind. I love her very much and we have a great relationship. While I was in Scotland I went out clubbing and took some drugs with a guy I met at the club. This was very unlike me as I have never taken drugs and was quite drunk at this point and thought I’m only young once. I don’t know if the drugs affected my memory but next thing I know the guy I was with has downloaded Tinder on my phone and I’m swiping on it for fun. I spoke to one girl on this only to say I’m on holiday but never anything romantic or sexual. I feel really guilty and haven’t told my girlfriend about this as I fear she’d end the relationship. But I also think I should tell her out of moral. I keep thinking about it but I also don’t know whether to just blame the drug considering that was my first time using it and I would never cheat. Would love some help with this, I feel like I can’t tell anyone without being judged and feeling more guilty. - James

Seriouslytho Divorce after 30 years and lost my support systems
  • replies: 2

Pretty much what the title says. It’s rough right now, and I am feeling more alone than I have in my life. And I was an orphan, so that’s saying something. I was diagnosed with CPTSD about 7 years ago (was also abused/sexually assaulted in my childho... View more

Pretty much what the title says. It’s rough right now, and I am feeling more alone than I have in my life. And I was an orphan, so that’s saying something. I was diagnosed with CPTSD about 7 years ago (was also abused/sexually assaulted in my childhood and young adulthood), and have been making a lot of progress with healing since then. My marriage was steeped in conservative Christianity. It was codependent. I tried 5/6 therapists over 30 years to make this work. He lost his faith 11 years in, and I followed a few years later. We have two kids, one is an adult and the other is soon to follow. I had to work in another state during the pandemic, and I realise I was much happier without him. He didn’t like to spend time on the phone or video call. When the borders opened up, it didn’t occur to him to have a joyful reunion. He didn’t ask when I was coming home. He rarely initiated contact, then got upset and defensive when I called him out. I united sex almost exclusively the whole relationship, and got rejected most of the time. There’s so much more, but that gives you a basic idea. Late last year I reconnected with an old friend from high school. He was my biggest crush. We started talking, and developed major feelings for each other. Before things developed further with my crush, I asked my husband for a divorce. The new man was a catalyst more than anything. I took a lot of time to make sure i wanted the divorce regardless of whether this new relationship worked out or not. I consulted with our couples therapist who had previously told us we were codependent-my soon to be ex denied we were and disagreed. He disagreed with all our therapists. He’s consistently dismissed me throughout our marriage. He may be on the spectrum-the couples therapist thinks so. Both kids are in favour of the divorce. We’re trying to get our youngest some help with other issues. She was disrespectful to me today during the process. He decided she wasn’t. He’s saying I’m the problem, I’m too angry. It’s such a mess. I want to move out, but I can’t (too expensive and I could lose my claim on the house). It’s like they are ganging up on me. I have lost my support network because I left my faith, and because I’m seeing someone else while separated. I had to drop other friends because I realised I was attracting friends who also have CPTSD, which wasn’t healthy. Again, I have never felt more alone, despite having two therapists (who actually haven’t been available lately). My new partner lives in my home country, and thigh he’s supportive (he’s separated, too) Thanks for reading. No idea what to do next. No idea how to build a new support system. No idea how to win my almost adult kid back, or if I ever will be able to. And I’m hurting rather badly. That’s it, really.

TaylahAnn Alcoholic families
  • replies: 1

I’ve read a post recently about a mum battling cancer but her daughter is an alcoholic. my mum was battling cancer for the past three years - I’m an alcoholic but I was at her bedside everyday. I couldn’t have done that if I was drinking - so obvious... View more

I’ve read a post recently about a mum battling cancer but her daughter is an alcoholic. my mum was battling cancer for the past three years - I’m an alcoholic but I was at her bedside everyday. I couldn’t have done that if I was drinking - so obviously I wasn’t. I can’t imagine life without her - she’s my best friend. however, a family holiday is now organised but I’m not invited - because I’m an alcoholic. It hurts so much. I’ve always been there for her but she’s worried I won’t be able to cope watching my family members drink. I know she loves me but ive never felt so alone. My children will be there as will there dad - my ex husband. any thoughts on how I could tell her how I’m feeling?

Britty2024 Lying husband
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Hi I really need someone to talk too my husband and I have been together 14 years since the very beginning he has cheated on me numerous times the big one was with my childhood best friend which I no long talk to he has constantly lied to me about me... View more

Hi I really need someone to talk too my husband and I have been together 14 years since the very beginning he has cheated on me numerous times the big one was with my childhood best friend which I no long talk to he has constantly lied to me about message other girls with intentions.he use to bully about having feeling and crying when I found out about these to the point I very very rarely cry in front of anyone I don’t talk about my feeling I’m very insecure about myself and body as I’m a big girl his hasn’t bullied me about freezing since the very start of our relationship he now what to talk about feeling but I struggle to open up.he is still continuing to message other girls behind my back and lie to my face when I confront him about this last time was 3 weeks ago and again today. 3 weeks ago he promised me once again this was going to stop and the lies would stop he would be 100% honest with me and we would both start talking about our relationship and I would try opening up more we have been making trying for each other and trying no to let our busy lives come between us and today I seen more messages he had been messaging another girl I’m struggling so much with ky mental health and self worth I don’t understand why I put up with this behaviour I know I deserve better I know that I need to leave but every single time I believe him and believe things will get better I know betteri don’t understand why I can’t just walk away and do what is best for me I don’t understand why I’m not good enough please no hate I just need to talk to someone

Earth Girl What's the best way to end this "friendship"?
  • replies: 14

I met this girl in CIT a long time ago and we became friends. For about the first year, I enjoyed the friendship, but after a while, it sort of went down hill. She's actually really nice, but she gets offended extremely easily (over things that aren'... View more

I met this girl in CIT a long time ago and we became friends. For about the first year, I enjoyed the friendship, but after a while, it sort of went down hill. She's actually really nice, but she gets offended extremely easily (over things that aren't even offensive sometimes), she repeats a lot of the things she says several times and I can't be myself around her at all. I just turn into a completely different person and I just found that I didn't enjoy the friendship any more, but I continued being friends with her for 3 more years because I didn't want to hurt her. One day in the third year I realised that I really couldn't take it any more because she was talking about two of her other friends and she kept repeating everything (about how she wasn't going to talk to them any more - which she had said a lot of times before and then started hanging out with them a week later) and some of the things they did weren't even wrong. A few days afterwards, she called me and asked if she had done something wrong and I said that she hadn't and that I just couldn't be myself around her and she asked if I still wanted to be friends (I had been distancing myself for a while) and I said that she's really lovely, but I didn't think it was working out. She texted me a few days later asking if we were still friends and I tried to tell her nicely that it wasn't working out because I can't be myself and I said "sorry I don't want to hurt you." I sometimes see her at the shops and she always tells me that she misses catching up with me and asks me if I want to friends again and I have to keep explaining to her that I think she is a really nice person, but I can't be myself around her. I don't know what else to say because she thinks we should still be friends. I feel really bad because she hasn't hurt me or anything, but the friendship really wasn't working out - I found it exhausting and it felt more like people awkwardly talking to each other superficially instead of a friendship. My sister said it would be okay to tell her that I just wasn't enjoying the friendship, but I don't want to hurt her feelings. I feel like no matter what, her feelings are going to get hurt though and I don't want that to happen yet again. I also don't know what to tell her when says things such as "Does your Mum know we aren't friends any more?" "I want to be friends again, but I know you don't want to catch up", "We should be friends again." "Come say hi when you see me working in my store."

_road58 A small attempt to be better
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Hi I'm 28 and I love with my parents. I am from a south asian background. I wish to leave my parents home and live on my own. But i don't see that happening until i get married or if i do end up moving on my own my parents might disown me. I'm sure t... View more

Hi I'm 28 and I love with my parents. I am from a south asian background. I wish to leave my parents home and live on my own. But i don't see that happening until i get married or if i do end up moving on my own my parents might disown me. I'm sure this is a story of every kid with strict parents. I only see my gf once a week and even then I have to lie to my parents about where i am. If im home, i spend most of my days in my room. Im reaching out because i think all of it is getting to my head. The stress is spilling over at my friends and gf. I end up saying things i dont mean. I snap at people that did nothing wrong. I've never tried therapy. Talking about how i feel isnt my strenghth. Thats one of the things that upsets my gf as i dont like talking about these things. It makes her think i don't trust her. It upsets her very much. I guess im here so i can be better. For her sake atleast. Can someone help?