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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Drifter marriage failing
  • replies: 1

married in 2009, best year of my life falling apart now. our issue is trust. she doesnt trust me because shes insecure ill be w/ any female ive ever known. i try desperately to explain shes the only 1 4 me but she rejects all my assurances, apologies... View more

married in 2009, best year of my life falling apart now. our issue is trust. she doesnt trust me because shes insecure ill be w/ any female ive ever known. i try desperately to explain shes the only 1 4 me but she rejects all my assurances, apologies, attempts to massage her, etc. i feel so hurtt & unwanted. i never did anytjing & have a hard time with this rejection. she is moving on & i find it so hard because its not wht i want. i try so hard to show her i am trustworthy & have nothing to hide but she seems to be set in her way of leaving me regardless. i feel like i am a loser for not taking a hint. i feel so betrayed because i feel this is all a faux excuse out of our marriage. i feel she must be seeing other men brhind my back & feel so hurt but cannot find the strength to leave her in any case. i will try any approach. what should i do?

Bullfrog Relationship ending not coping need help
  • replies: 2

My current boyfriend and I have had a few problems, put the issues aside we have a tear relationship he has taken on my 3 kids and is amazing. We have created something solid, the kids love him they consider his family their family he always told me ... View more

My current boyfriend and I have had a few problems, put the issues aside we have a tear relationship he has taken on my 3 kids and is amazing. We have created something solid, the kids love him they consider his family their family he always told me he wouldn't leave me and i believed him. there are issues I have when we argue i escalate them and my insecurities and fears of him leaving when we fight are distressing and I done act right. i am in counselling gettin help from this but his at the point where his unsure and wants to leave me. I love him I don't want to lose him. The build up of fear and emotion and confusion is eating me alive and it's hard to function. I'm lost and broken. I want this man, I want his love now and for ever. My kida are going to be so hurt as well they love him and want and need him in their life as much as I do. I have no idea what to do, I don't have much support so it's hard. I'm scared. In hurting I just want to be loved wanted and needed

white knight Ending a relationship/marriage- the best way
  • replies: 3

Lately, especially post xmas, Beyond Blue has had numerous new threads about breakups. Posters are seemingly lost and insecure as they battle their way through the myriad of feelings, emotions, assets and children. But it is the grief level that is c... View more

Lately, especially post xmas, Beyond Blue has had numerous new threads about breakups. Posters are seemingly lost and insecure as they battle their way through the myriad of feelings, emotions, assets and children. But it is the grief level that is common among these people as they juggle their sadness with their demons. There are many things in life we are never prepared for. I mean, at school were you ever educated about how to break up with your boy/girlfriend? how to manage your money? how to raise a child? how to light a fire? How to avoid violence? etc. So life's skills in these areas are learned...the hard way. No wonder some consider suicide. Those thinking suicide should read at least the first post of the thread 'think b4 you act'. From a brave poster that survived his attempt only to suffer many operations just so he can live a life. And in 1996 I planned mine. Thankfully my dear daughters 7 and 4, their future without their dad, meant more to me than my own infinite sadness. Soon I might enjoy grandchildren!! And my grandchildren enjoy me. So, you've read the above thread that is recommended. You are suffering enormous grief. You might be now living at a relatives place or temporary . You've likely lost your neighbours, pet/s and in laws.What do you do? Firstly, if you can, once the choice of not returning to your partner has been made- finalise your separation. Settle if you can all assets. Do not contact him/her after that has been done (unless you have children). If you do your grief period will be extended. Allow yourself to grieve. Friends might take you out to help but if you do not want to go- dont. Keep yourself busy- hobbies, activities, groups, get fit, travel, seek out old friends, plant a garden, satisfy your spiritual needs.Relax. Rebuild. When ready go out on dates but if you dont want a relationship then dont have one. Dont fall victim to "what is expected of you". You are free so feel the freedom. If you miss your ex partner then do yourself a favour and remember the reasons the relationship failed. If you do desire to be reunited then start off as friends again, take it slow.Dont be pressured. Counselling? Children involved?Your most important obligation is to your children, their needs which includes their healthy relationship with their other parent if that parent was not abusive.Seek middle ground with your ex on matters with your children. Never demonise your ex in front of your kids, only praise. Keep communication open. Tony WK

Ronda Dont know where to turn
  • replies: 3

About 6 months ago I came out of a 2 year relationship towards the last 5 months of the relationship I started to get the feeling something wasn't right everyone that I turned to kept telling me not to be silly nothing was going on it was all in my h... View more

About 6 months ago I came out of a 2 year relationship towards the last 5 months of the relationship I started to get the feeling something wasn't right everyone that I turned to kept telling me not to be silly nothing was going on it was all in my head i started getting very depressed about it all I kept turning to my best friend for help but she let me fall flat on my face.i lost all of my friends because they all thought I was making everything up no one would believe me until a few months back it came out that it was my best friend he was cheating with. I started drinking a lot ended up going for DD cause I just didn't care anymore I was put onto anti depressants started to see a psychologist which I didn't feel helped. i stopped taking the meds about 4 months ago and was doing better. But lately I have been having dreams about everything that happened and I'm waking up so angry and i can't seem to stop thinking about it all which is upsetting me and making me angry to the point I want tohurt them for the pain they have put me through. my doctor is currently on holidays so I can't get in to go back on my meds for a few days but I don't think going back to a physiologist is going to help I don't know what else or where else to try.

BME1994 What can I do? I feel heartless
  • replies: 2

MY story begins basically with a girl who I fell in love with for the first time. I was never in love before but the closer we got, the greater our feelings were. Anyway long story short, she decided to cheat on me with another man and my heart was d... View more

MY story begins basically with a girl who I fell in love with for the first time. I was never in love before but the closer we got, the greater our feelings were. Anyway long story short, she decided to cheat on me with another man and my heart was destroyed. I thought maybe it was the way I looked or acted but she insisted that she just wanted to have sex at the time. Then as she admits to leading me on, she tells me that whilst talking to me she had feelings for several other guys and kissed them on separate occasions (including her ex) and at that point depression began. Knowing that I was used for attention, I cut all contact with her and banished her out of my life completely. But since that day from knowing what she did and the fact that she denied time and time again that she has kissed other guys while leading me on (before coming clean) and saying I was the only one she liked, I have felt this weight on my shoulders as if it''s aburden to smile these days.I don't see the point in anything. My heart, self esteem and soul have taken a huge beating that everyday I am depressed about everything. Im angry, Im hurt, Im sad and I'm just damn confused. It started small but got bigger and bigger that suicide began to cross my mind. I don't know that to do. I'm always feeling fatigued and depressed, Im always anxious about life and I can't find a solution. beyondblue’s clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

jammy Dazed and confused
  • replies: 1

This is my first post and I will jump right in. We have a just over a year that included my mother in law dying, then within 6 months two other relatives died. I had to organise and put both of my parents in a nursing home while dealing with family i... View more

This is my first post and I will jump right in. We have a just over a year that included my mother in law dying, then within 6 months two other relatives died. I had to organise and put both of my parents in a nursing home while dealing with family in denial about their condition. Two old friends died as well. I work part time as a carer and am my husbands carer as he has a number of serious physical problems, as well as PTSD. This past year has obviously been hell for him with three family deaths, among others, and now me cracking up.I saw a psycologist to help deal with the stress and depression, and she confirmed that my parents were indeed abusive throughout my childhood, and up to now really at the ripe old age of 57.I feel great relief on having this confirmed as my sister has always denied it happens ( Iwas a constant disappointment, she - the golden haired girl) but also angry, sad, generally brassed -off! How do I deal with all of these issues and stay sane.

Brian61 Christmas Divorce
  • replies: 5

My wife told me on Christmas Day that she hated me and wants a divorce. I feel sick and want to vomit. I am so tired and cant do anything. Bored and lonely. My life is in upheaval again. Sad.

My wife told me on Christmas Day that she hated me and wants a divorce. I feel sick and want to vomit. I am so tired and cant do anything. Bored and lonely. My life is in upheaval again. Sad.

Magyarok Workplace Opportunity / Ultimatum?
  • replies: 16

Hi All, I work in the public sector in western australia which has experienced massive cut backs due to the incompetency of the current state government. I was one of the unfortunate ones to receive a letter informing me that my project has ended, my... View more

Hi All, I work in the public sector in western australia which has experienced massive cut backs due to the incompetency of the current state government. I was one of the unfortunate ones to receive a letter informing me that my project has ended, my position has been abolished and i am now a surplus requirement to the department i work for. Fortunately i have permanency so they can't get rid of me just like that without going through a process. This puts me on the unattached list and gives me priority for a transfer. However new legislation is about to come in which will force permanent employees to accept involuntary redunancy. I've also learnt that another 50 permanent positions are about to be cut. Therefore i was told that i should strongly consider any opportunity that comes my way or face the possibility of involuntary redunancy. So i've been offered two opportunities ....... First Opportunity - move 3000km away to the north. This is an amazing opportunity, it is something completely new and different and it would diversify my skills and experience. Problem it is truly remote and my wife would not be able to cope with the remoteness and the stifling heat and humidity. If i was younger and single again it would be a no brainer - i'd go! Second Opportunity - move 900km to the south and continue doing what i was already doing but in a different location. Problem is it is a specialist role and it won't diversify my experience and the whole program is under threat so i could be again faced with the same problem in a couple of years time. Major Problems - my wife doesn't want to move and i can't blame her! We are well set up where we are, my 5yo daughter goes to a good school, everything is convenient, we like it here but because we live regionally there are no other reasonable opportunities for me so if i want to continue paying the mortgage then i have no option than to move away. I have been given three days to make a decision which will have major implications on my family. My wife has been crying alot because of it. I will miss my beautiful wife and beautiful 5yo daughter desperately but i feel i have no other choice. I feel a dull sickness in my stomach and my head is swirling because of it. I feel as though my life is at a real crossroads and i am completely lost as to what i should do? I guess because of the current employment situation my problem is not uncommon. Thanks for reading Regards Dave

brokendown Feeling totally Broken
  • replies: 3

I'm not really sure where to start. I've been married for almost 9 years, together for 12. I guess the entire time we've been together, probably even before my husband has had a binge drinking problem. It's not that he drinks all the time, it's that ... View more

I'm not really sure where to start. I've been married for almost 9 years, together for 12. I guess the entire time we've been together, probably even before my husband has had a binge drinking problem. It's not that he drinks all the time, it's that when he does it's to an excess of no limit, where he ends up vomiting and passing out or if I'm there to stop him, him hurling abuse at me because he thinks he should be able to keep going. The next day he's apologetic, disgraced in himself, but it makes no difference to it stopping. I have tried to work through it with him. Tried asking him to give up all together. Earlier this year it had gotten so bad that I ended up leaving, he made promises to me that he would give up never do it again. Fast forward to a few weeks ago and it happened again. This time was the worst. He ended up vomiting in his sleep, and choking on it until I woke him. He wasn't capable of getting to the bathroom and proceeded to sit up and vomit on the floor. I'm at my tether, I'm so hurt and betrayed and I don't think I can have that in my life anymore. After lots of talking we have decided that he needs to get better help that isn't just me, but unless that happens we can't continue. He has since moved out to work on himself and give me space, I'm so sad and miserable I don't know how to deal with the hurt. He keeps asking if there's a chance we'll figure things out and all I can focus on is trying to get through this hurt. I'm also afraid that I may never fully trust him again. I guess I didn't really have any questions exactly I just needed to get this off my chest and hope that someone might want to listen.

Amali Confused by a break-up
  • replies: 4

Hi, I have been trying no contact with my ex for about 4 months. By this I mean he has been texting and calling and I have been ignoring. Besides one text to say it's too hard on both of us if we stay in contact and then on Sunday morning he rang wak... View more

Hi, I have been trying no contact with my ex for about 4 months. By this I mean he has been texting and calling and I have been ignoring. Besides one text to say it's too hard on both of us if we stay in contact and then on Sunday morning he rang waking me up, I picked up the phone and he pleaded with me for half an hour to take him back and that he can't not have me in his life. I do really miss him and am equally devastated by the break up as we were building a house together and about to move in. But this is the second break up in 2 years and his actions never match his words, he tells me I deserve better and that he can treat me how I deserve but I just can't risk the pain again, if he let me down a third time. I guess I'm confused by his behaviour as he used to treat me like a princess and then I think a mixture of immaturity, losing his mum to cancer, steroid use, wanting to impress his friends and other girls, got the better of him and changed him for the worst. I guess a small part of me wonders if I made my decision too rashly and gave up on him too soon, but being with him, dealing with his lies and emotional manipulation was just so exhausting it tipped me over the edge. And now I'm even more confused as to why he wants to patch things up when we've already tried that time and time again. He wont give up, we both love each other, the damage is done but how to completely say goodbye to someone who was such a massive part of your life? amali