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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Linda1818 How to forgive myelf for being a terrible gf when my bf has left me ... deeply sad and broken hearted, not knowing how to move on
  • replies: 2

Being plagued by guilt and deep pain in the heart.. not able to cope with life.. don't know how to move on, my family is in Germany and here I am on my own, psychologist doesn't really help.. any people I can talk to?

Being plagued by guilt and deep pain in the heart.. not able to cope with life.. don't know how to move on, my family is in Germany and here I am on my own, psychologist doesn't really help.. any people I can talk to?

lucy2 Estranged from my daughter.
  • replies: 7

Hello everyone, I am new to the forum. I thought writing on this forum to strangers might help me. I feel I have been coping fairly well with life....until now. I have had a lot happen to me (as have others). But I guess living without seeing my 4 ye... View more

Hello everyone, I am new to the forum. I thought writing on this forum to strangers might help me. I feel I have been coping fairly well with life....until now. I have had a lot happen to me (as have others). But I guess living without seeing my 4 year old grandson for nearly a year now, has finally broken me. I am on antedepressants but am now silently breaking up inside. Not a day goes by without me thinking about my daughter and grandson. My husband can't cope with me now as I told him where to go at my son's house for dinner and daughter-in-law their to. I don't even know what I said ?????. In the last few weeks I texted my daughter and phoned her but no reply. Apparently my daughter-in-law has tried but daughter says she doesn't want anything to do with me. Daughter has alienated my husband, my brother and my mother (who is 92 yo). My daughter has her reasons for her behaviour, as she is 32 this year and has been with her husband says age 14. Her father died 4 years ago two days after her son was born (he was a very sick man). My daughter-in-law told me at dinner that her sister-in-law did not talk for a year due to standing up to daughter-in-laws husband. My husband and myself were never invited to her wedding. The only people attending the wedding was his parents and his brother and wife. I have never forgivin her for that, as she had the wedding in another state which meant her own father couldn't afford to get there and was too unwell. Things had been ok with me and her but I always never trusted. My husband and I have helped countless times with babysitting duties at a drop of a hat and having my daughter phone me so many times being so unhappy with her husband. One day he accused her of being with some-one else and I just couldn't take it any more I let him have it. Off course now I am the wrong one, she is still with him, and is pregnant with another child. My son finds her hard to deal with and so does the daughter-in-law. I know I can't do anymore, but I need to stop eating so much and stop thinking about my little grandson. My neighbour visited with his 5 year old grandson the other day and I decided to leave and go shopping???? Even out shopping I think of all the times I had him and loved him and now there is nothing. There is lots more I could write but what for, I guess, I know its hopeless. My trust has gone and forever will but how do you get on with your life.

Linda1818 Numbness in my heart...
  • replies: 2

My bf of 9 left me for my distrust and jealousy and blocked me everywhere he could. I treated him terribly with distrust and now he is haunting me everywhere. I feel deeply sad and lost and have less hope ever to forget him. Is there any group I can ... View more

My bf of 9 left me for my distrust and jealousy and blocked me everywhere he could. I treated him terribly with distrust and now he is haunting me everywhere. I feel deeply sad and lost and have less hope ever to forget him. Is there any group I can join to talk to people with similar issues? please HELP

LoveLost Break up with boyfriend of 8years
  • replies: 2

Hi all, I guess by posting here I'm looking for some sort of comfort or support.. or advice as I am in a pretty bad way at the moment. 2 weeks ago my partner of 8 years and I broke up. We had broken up 2-3 times in the past and those times were terri... View more

Hi all, I guess by posting here I'm looking for some sort of comfort or support.. or advice as I am in a pretty bad way at the moment. 2 weeks ago my partner of 8 years and I broke up. We had broken up 2-3 times in the past and those times were terrible, and for some reason I felt like this final time would be easier, I was so wrong. It is so much worse as we have already tried so hard to make it work, broke up, had a final try and failed. So the point is that it was our 'last try'. We had many differences and problems but the main fact that we kept coming back together is that we really had grown a deep love for eachother and wanted to be around eachother, but unfortunately we just weren't a good match and just couldn't make it work. My problem here is that we were so in love, and I don't know about him, but I still love him and can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. It feels like life has been completely unfair in putting us together, we built such a bond and deep love but then we apparently are just not meant to be together. I dread the thought of being alone, I can't sleep, I wake up in tears after dreaming about him sleeping with other people (this scenario is SOO horrible)... And one thing i have never experienced before is these weird flashbacks I am having to things we have done together, places we've been, music we've liked, and it is traumatizing me. It happens in the middle of doing completely unrelated things. Even if I wanted to move on I couldn't and honestly, this is pretty much as dim as it has been for me in a long time. I just don't know what to do and so desperately want to go back to him, I miss him so much. The last times we came back together is because I thought "surely we can change things", and even now I am still thinking that way. I literally do not know what to do, and it hurts so intensely.

Salsa Marraige problems -Please help!
  • replies: 3

I have been with my husband for 14 years, we have a young daughter and I am currently pregnant with our second. After a very stressful 1.5 years of living with my parents and renovating our home my husband has gone into a major depression which has b... View more

I have been with my husband for 14 years, we have a young daughter and I am currently pregnant with our second. After a very stressful 1.5 years of living with my parents and renovating our home my husband has gone into a major depression which has brought out many of his childhood issues, worsened his anxiety and caused him to no longer want to work. It has also caused him to question our marraige, love and the person he is married too. He feels I let our marraige slide whilst all the craziness of the living with my parents and the renovation took place and on reflection he is right I did get caught up in moment and I unintentionally caused him hurt and resentment through my inaction. I have expressed my deep regret and apologised profusely but it does not seem to help.... he has shut me out almost completely, has said he no longer loves me the way he did, he needs space and he is not sure if we will be married after this baby is born. In fact he said he is waiting till the baby is born as he is hoping the baby will change his feelings about us.. he refuses to try and work on things now and is refusing to see a Marraige Counsellor. He has had one session with a psychologist which helped with his diagnosis but again he blames me as nothing in his life thus far has resulted in him needing to see someone. I'm so confused, last week he told me we will get through this and we were somewhat affectionate with one another and this week he is discussing divorce and what the arrangements will be in relation to the assets and our children and he has shown nil affection whatsoever. I am at a absolute loss as to what to do, I love my husband deeply and I don't want lose him! Please help!

Humby I know I did the right thing in breaking up, but ...
  • replies: 6

After being in a relationship for nearly 2 years, and after several recent splits and get-togethers in the recent past, I have finally made the final move and kicked out my partner from my home and from my life. I met this woman on an online site , a... View more

After being in a relationship for nearly 2 years, and after several recent splits and get-togethers in the recent past, I have finally made the final move and kicked out my partner from my home and from my life. I met this woman on an online site , and she had just recently moved from Victoria to the NT. Early in the relationship she seemed very, very keen. Then soon after started making regular disappearing acts to go exploring, or to stay with friends as she was tired and overworked. However, I never got to meet any of these friends, and later on they had apparently left the NT and were now gone for good. Odd events included flowers arriving at her work, and a text message of a suggestive kind that was apparently just an in-joke with a work mate. Things settled down once I actually said she could stay at my place and live with me. Even then, she was always a bit secretive about her past, and her actions and behaviour at times erratic and easily ranging from deep love statements to fits of rage at the drop of a hat. More recently after a nasty fight and throwing her out of the house, found out that much of her past as she had told me was fabrications. And even as we had been trying to patch the relationship, also found out she was still active in dating sites and strongly denying it when confronted with the evidence. Further found out when digging for answers that while in the early stages of the relationship she flew interstate with another man and booked a hotel for the weekend, and once again when confronted with this she just made more and more convoluted excuses. The reality is that I know the relationship was never going to work, she drove a deep wedge between my friends with her lies, she was manipulative, and a compulsive liar. The thing is, that when things were good they are great, and intimately it could be fantastic. But at the end of the day I was living in denial and trying to keep a lie alive. I know I have done the right thing, but the mix of hurt, betrayal, loneliness and longing for something that should have been are intense and at times overwhelming. Anyway, right now just keep dipping into that well of darkness and even more so when trying to sleep at night. She was attractive, charming, helpful ... but also compulsive liar, manipulative, and a fake. I know I did the right thing, but the hurt is strong and not sure out to make it go away. I am nearly 50, and I truly did think for a while she was the one.

Magyarok What it means to be a single father?
  • replies: 4

Hello All, The current situation with my wife is untenable and i am on the verge of leaving. I have tried so hard to make things work but with very little reciprocation of effort from her. I feel like an empty shell of a person, i feel sick in the st... View more

Hello All, The current situation with my wife is untenable and i am on the verge of leaving. I have tried so hard to make things work but with very little reciprocation of effort from her. I feel like an empty shell of a person, i feel sick in the stomach. I feel as though i have done everything that i can without being met half way. It is very obvious that her interpretation of working things out is different to mine. She has double standards - what she considers acceptable for herself is certainly not acceptable for me. I would rather be happy and single than to continue to endure this situation. However we have a beautiful 5 yo daughter i love her so much and she loves me. She needs me as much as i need her. I am her primary carer and her rock. I can't bare the thought of not being with her or of being a part time father. It would not be fair on her but it is also not fair on her to see me as an empty miserable shell of a person. I can't see a way forward in my marriage but any decision i make needs to be deeply considered - for my daughters sake! I just want to hear from other single fathers and their experiences and what it means for them. Thank you in advance Kind Regards Dave

Linda1818 No trust into my boyfriend - due to his past
  • replies: 3

Hello, I have a very unique situation where my boyfriend of now 9 months is very loving and supporting but I distrust him through out of our relationship due to his past and fact that he had many prostitutes and betrayed his last gf. after he told me... View more

Hello, I have a very unique situation where my boyfriend of now 9 months is very loving and supporting but I distrust him through out of our relationship due to his past and fact that he had many prostitutes and betrayed his last gf. after he told me about his past, everything changed, I started to get jealous, overly alert and always looking at him if he is looking at other women or not. it got so far now that I am suffering from anxieties and insomnia and cant cope with everyday's life. He was in school of philosophy where he has been thought no sex before marriage. So by the age of 27 he broke out and started to visit many different kinds of adult services for the period of 3-4 y until he met me. I am very decent woman and always wanted a decent man. He is very good to me and has been very supportive until now he threatens to leave me every time I have a distrusting thought and it increases my anxieties and I have helath issues due to it like no sleep and depression. I am wondering should I leave him and it is valid because I cant cope with the thought of him doing it in the past or maybe doing again at some point in his life with me. I am very confused, I love him very much but is it enough to keep the bond and solid future? He is ready to leave me because he started to get angry at me (verbally) every time I express my doubts. He cant stand this anymore and I seem to not be able to change my view about this brothel thing. I don't know what to do. It is a life changing decision and I don't know what price to pay, heart break and losing him or my health and trying to get it under control. but is it possible to get it under control or should I trust my instincts??

Gaiablue Totally lost
  • replies: 1

I can't stop thinking about my ex! He played me for 3 years, cheated and used me! He is already moved on with someone else, and I'm here feeling so depressed everytime I see his happy photos on social media, I feel like I can't move on... The problem... View more

I can't stop thinking about my ex! He played me for 3 years, cheated and used me! He is already moved on with someone else, and I'm here feeling so depressed everytime I see his happy photos on social media, I feel like I can't move on... The problem is that he is flatmate of my best friend, so I know everything he does with this new girl and it hurts that my friends have this life with him and I'm all alone... I feel replaced, I can't go to parties o any events cos I know he is with her and everyone is telling me to get over it! That I'm just doing a big drama and I need to let go.....

kiss_revenge scared that there's no hope and got no one to turn to.
  • replies: 3

I usually don't open up about the things that concern me and usually keeps my problems to myself but I feel like I'm holding too much inside me now and it's getting to the point where it's becoming too much for me. I starting feeling depressed about ... View more

I usually don't open up about the things that concern me and usually keeps my problems to myself but I feel like I'm holding too much inside me now and it's getting to the point where it's becoming too much for me. I starting feeling depressed about 3-3 and a half years ago and really started to wonder what was the point in going on anymore. I've always been a quiet guy who's keep to myself but as I've got to be a little older I really am struggling to see the purpose in life. I've always prided myself on being a good guy and unselfish, but everything I seem to do in life always seems to be the wrong choice. I'm 30 years old now and I've sort of let life go by in the past few years where I'm a the point of hating my job, having no partner and reallylosing interest in life. I felt at my worse about this time 3 years ago and I really started to consider ending it. I wanted a career change, someone to love and start to enjoy life but everything I did up to that point didn't go right. I met someone around this time who was also going through a difficult part in her life. She saw I was struggling and offered to help me. And through the two of us going through this terrible parts in our lives we actually became really close friends. We became really close and I helped me a lot to start having a purpose to life and I felt I was an important part of her life too. We were so close that we became the closest of friends and it was so important to me at the time that she was there with me and we were that close. unfortunately when and a guy and women become that close it goes even further. It ended up becoming more than just friends, but at the time it felt so right and we both chose that. We found each in difficult times but it was always complicated and could never be the true romance straight away. As time went on she decided she didn't want to go down that path because she said that when she's with me it reminded her of her worse time in her life and didn't want to be with me because if this terrible thing never happened to her then we would never have been. So it was life she was taking a positive out of something bad that happened to her. Which I totally understand. But unfortunately I ended up experiencing the true romance of falling in love with my best friend. She wanted to still be friends but since has started dating someone else. She says she wants to date someone that doesn't know what she went through and wasn't a part of that part of her life. beyondblue’s clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636. Normal 0 false false false EN-AU X-NONE X-NONE /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0cm; mso-para-margin-right:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0cm; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi; mso-fareast-language:EN-US;}