Immediate support
Immediate support

Relationship and family issues

Anything to do with managing relationships and family, including parenting, separation, loneliness, divorce, family and friendships.

Start a discussion

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

View the FAQ

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

View the guidelines
Jump to
Start a discussion

Pinned discussions

Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

Start a discussion

Amali Finally Letting Go
  • replies: 1

I am struggling with letting go of a relationship. I mean I have told him it's over, I've been very strict in following through with the no contact- blocked him from social media, have not initiated contact and refused to respond to any contact by hi... View more

I am struggling with letting go of a relationship. I mean I have told him it's over, I've been very strict in following through with the no contact- blocked him from social media, have not initiated contact and refused to respond to any contact by him. It's almost a year since the split, but it wasn't our first break up. It was a very emotionally exhausting relationship that caused a lot of pain. But I still feel so connected to him, miss him and I am worried about how he is going. Even though I was miserable in the relationship I feel even more pain now that he is gone. We were building a house together (which I never got to see) we were going to get married, I still can't let go of those dreams, as it takes a long time to get to that place with a partner and I feel I tried so hard to make it work and be understanding and he just kept letting me down. I held on for way too long, hoping he would change and kept going back just to get hurt over and over again. I was hoping to feel better about this by now, but I feel as if we broke up yesterday, everything seems like such an effort and it's hard to look forward to anything when I still feel so lost without him.

jamesssss Childhood woundings linger
  • replies: 12

I am a 31 year old male and am depressed, feel alone and dependent on others. I was raised by a mildly abusive father. I have an older brother and younger sister who have also suffered depression from a fear of our father. My father is an emotionally... View more

I am a 31 year old male and am depressed, feel alone and dependent on others. I was raised by a mildly abusive father. I have an older brother and younger sister who have also suffered depression from a fear of our father. My father is an emotionally distant person who suffers depression himslef. He has always had a leave me alone and mind your own business attitude. He gave up on work, became an alchoholic and would dictate to us how life should be properly lived. He never set an example. In fact he never left the house. My mum was pretty much a people pleaser who agreed with everyone especially my father. Growing up, my brother and sister were highly praised for their responsibile natures. My dad was extremely strict on them. He swore and threw things at them and only gave them praise when they listened to his ways lessons on living. Me on the other hand he insulted, told me that im worthless and untrusted. Yep, there was no way in hell I was going to be as good as by brother and sister. The only way I got love from him was by stroking his ego. I am sitting here at my parents house as ive recently split up with my wife I was with for 15 years. Her personality was just like my fathers in the sense that she was always right and everyone had to listen to her or she would loose it. Breaking up with her has made me realise that I am quite the dependent person. What bothers me most is that I always agree with people to avoid dispute with them and the possibilty of them leaving me. Ive studied being assertive and am learning how to set boudaries for myself. But I feel I am naturally attracted to the same self centered people. I have no friends at the moment as I invested the past 15 years of my life in my wifes friends and interests. Ive had several psychology sessions, been on antidepressents. I feel really alone and worthless and don't want to lean on anyone close to me as I don't think it will help my situation.

nettle depressed and confused
  • replies: 4

Hi again I posted a few weeks ago here https://www.beyondblue.org.au/connect-with-others/online-forums/grief-loss-and-separation/what-is-more-important-for-children-when-a-marriage-ends Just needed to talk to someone again. I am feeling so lost. I ha... View more

Hi again I posted a few weeks ago here https://www.beyondblue.org.au/connect-with-others/online-forums/grief-loss-and-separation/what-is-more-important-for-children-when-a-marriage-ends Just needed to talk to someone again. I am feeling so lost. I have decided to move interstate to be close to my support as my marriage has ended. My husband has shown abusive behaviours, mostly toward the children. Leaving was a hard decision to make and I'm still feeling unsure about it because I have to uproot my children. Tonight when I tucked my daughter in she was very upset about leaving her friends and her life behind. I feel like this is not fair on her. but staying here doesn't feel like an option for me (no support). I am feeling so lost and so down, I know I have to look after myself so I can be a better single parent. But it's so hard. I feel like my heart is broken all over again hurting my children like this. And everything is getting so real, putting plans in motion, announcing things to extended family... I realise now I am still very attached to my husband and I don't really know how to stop loving him, even though I feel our children and I deserve better treatment. I don't know how I will deal with the finality of our seperation when I have moved away. Everything is such a mess, I never wanted this for my children. I feel like I want to be a good mother to them but either way I turn I hurt them and myself. There's no good choices. I feel like I have a tonne of concrete in my chest and every waking moment is agony. Dramatic I know, but it does physically hurt.

wander_lust Both partners depressed in a relationship
  • replies: 6

Hi, I hope I can get some good advice on this. My ex and I had a wonderful relationship and were very happy together. However I went through several traumatic experiences - losing a family member, damaging my back & struggling to walk, moving away fr... View more

Hi, I hope I can get some good advice on this. My ex and I had a wonderful relationship and were very happy together. However I went through several traumatic experiences - losing a family member, damaging my back & struggling to walk, moving away from where I love, struggling with long distance. Somewhere in the midst my depression returned and it hit me like a truck in December. At this point my partner was happy with me and actually told people I was 'the one'. I had noticed that he had also been progressively seeming less like his cheerful self and sensed his depression was creeping back in. I reached out to him numerous ways but was always told he was fine. Anyway in January I was an absolute mess with my depression - very labile, emotional outbursts. The works. I hated being around myself & struggled to be around him as a result. And then he broke up with me. Said I brought him down and he couldn't take my moods or arguments. It came out then that he felt bad in himself and he said he wanted time to get better to heal himself. He said if we continued he would lose me forever and didnt want that. So we had a couple of months apart. He saw a psychologist a few times which I think helped. I started on antidepressants and started seeing a psychologist regularly. Then he came back to me and told me he wanted me back. He still seemed labile and distant. We did get back together & I did my best to love him & support him & make him happy. We had one or two arguments. He seemed very depressed to me. Broken in fact. I asked him to get help as he had severe anxiety and seemed very depressed. He told me any problem he had we should be able to solve. He refused to go to a doctor and said he had no time or money to talk to a psychologist. I tried to support him but because I was still coming out of my depression and had ill health it was to much. Then a few days later he finished it. Again saying I brought him down. He told me two days later that he doesn't know who he is anymore. He hates his life. Every aspect of his life is miserable. It just screams depression again to me. He said he feels too bad to share himself with anyone and cant be around me because he feels too guilty. I told him if he needs me I'm here but i've heard nothing from him for weeks. Do I just leave him alone & hope he gets better? Were we just never meant to be? I miss him terribly and feel awful about how my depression affected him. Is there anything I can do?

wanted_a_simple_life How can they sleep at night???
  • replies: 3

The guy who I suspect is having an affair with my seperate wife emails me today to say hi. Is he a nutcase or what??? First he chases a married woman with two kids and then has the hide to do that??

The guy who I suspect is having an affair with my seperate wife emails me today to say hi. Is he a nutcase or what??? First he chases a married woman with two kids and then has the hide to do that??

Jan52 Am I going crazy?
  • replies: 4

I'm in my 60s, am my son's carer he has an Acquired brain injury due to surgery for epilepsy and has developed a mental illness. I have been looking after him for 7 yrs. 13 years ago moved to my husbands home state, I'm a Sydney girl, to be closer to... View more

I'm in my 60s, am my son's carer he has an Acquired brain injury due to surgery for epilepsy and has developed a mental illness. I have been looking after him for 7 yrs. 13 years ago moved to my husbands home state, I'm a Sydney girl, to be closer to his family. 10 yrs ago my husband got work overseas, he'd come home when he could and I also visited. It was on one of my visits I found out he had been fouling around...I was upset and hurt needless to say. I've also noticed my few friends dropped away, after my son was living back home with me, they don't know how to handle the situation. I've now discovered my husband has a chinese girlfriend same age as my eldest daughter, she's been around for 3 yrs apparently. Visits home are less and less and I find I'm very alone, very isolated, very lonely and very fed up. Can't be bothered to do anything.I've had counselling in the past CBT to assist with my son. We live in a rural situation. I can't afford to move into town or back to Sydney as I have been stupid not to have saved some money when I discovered the Chinese woman. I want to scream abuse at my husband, but don't. Find myself talking to myself about him. We have been married 43 yrs. guess I've been traded in ...am I going nuts? Am I being selfish thinking the way I am?

vicman don’t ask questions when.....
  • replies: 3

I’m sitting here today almost in tears; I broke a golden rule given to me by a counsellor many years ago. That rule was “don’t ask questions when you know the answer might hurt you”. She gave me that rule when I was in a depression and needed conform... View more

I’m sitting here today almost in tears; I broke a golden rule given to me by a counsellor many years ago. That rule was “don’t ask questions when you know the answer might hurt you”. She gave me that rule when I was in a depression and needed conformation from my then wife that all was good and she loved me. Just a few months later she left me and I had a breakdown. In the year or so after that separation I lost contact with all my kids and therefore all my grand children too. A few days ago I decided I needed to contact some of my grand kids via Facebook and ask one last time if I’d be allowed back into their lives, but I’m yet to receive a response, I guess that means no. I did try a few years ago and didn’t get a reply so I guess history is repeating itself. Why do I do this to myself? Don’t worry I’m not having silly thoughts, just wish I could erase certain memories, life would be so much better if we could pick and choose what we remember and what is forgotten forever.

yona Having aspergers and and never fitting in
  • replies: 2

Hi I am new to all this and have come here because I need to be able to talk about my day to day life with some one as my family have given up on me That's the way I feel at the moment anyway.Where to start I am 35 and live at home with my parents th... View more

Hi I am new to all this and have come here because I need to be able to talk about my day to day life with some one as my family have given up on me That's the way I feel at the moment anyway.Where to start I am 35 and live at home with my parents there's me my mother who has problems and then there is my step father has been around since I was two. Ever since I can remember I have found it very hard to fit in when I was very young no one new what was wrong with me so that made it even worse aspergers did not have a name back then.So I have spent most of my life in a way cut off from my family in a way because I see the world in a different way and find it hard to make friends and keep them and have all but given up on that having friends that is.I spend a lot of time by my self my be too much. I make my self feel better by drinking I guess to much. My Father tried to help me but has all but given up on me as I have given up on my self. He wants me to talk to him but I find it hard to because on one hand he says talk to me and then on the other he says everyone brings there problems to me. So if I do go to him it's the wrong thing to do and if I don't it is the wrong thing to do. I can not talk to my mother because she has too many problems herself.In the past I would self harm to make my self feel better. I never used to drink.Some times I think that I went home with the wrong family and that my parents deserve better then what they got in me. Mum says I love you Carla and I say it must be bloody hard to. I find it hard to like or even love my self.So this is just some of what has happened in my life. Thank you for listening to me. God I must sound nutsbeyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

Miss_Blue Brother in prison, father absent
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone This is very new to me but have been inspired to reach out by someone close to me. Where do I start?..... My brother has been in prison for about 1.5 years now and at times I find this hard to deal with. I need to be strong for him and fo... View more

Hi everyone This is very new to me but have been inspired to reach out by someone close to me. Where do I start?..... My brother has been in prison for about 1.5 years now and at times I find this hard to deal with. I need to be strong for him and for my family going through this too. We have been estranged for some time now as he was on drugs up until his conviction and as much as I wanted a relationship with him growing up I knew it was impossible with his lifestyle choice. I feel like I missed out on that bond big time. We have now had a chance to rebuild our relationship whilst he is incarcerated as he is now clean and sober. It has undoubtedly been the best thing for him though as I know without this experience he would never have gotten clean. It has been hard seeing my family go through this experience with him. In a strange way, it has brought us all together again.... My father is an absent one and I have never really known anything different from this. My mother is all I have left as she has raised me and my 3 siblings along with my stepfather. My older sister moved out when she was around 18 and even before that she was always out and never really home. I felt like I never really had a sisterly relationship with her until I reached my 20's. In my teens I was diagnosed with clinical depression. I used to get upset talking and trying to understand why my father abandoned us, but through counselling I have worked through it and moved on from it. Depression and anxiety runs through our family and I have been dealing with it since I was a child. I have good and bad days like everyone else. I have experimented with various medications, but found that counselling has really helped me the most. For most of my life I have felt really lost and alone, but as I have come into my own I now feel a sense of self. Most of my friends and even my partner at times do not understand the things I go through on a daily basis, so that is why I feel this may help. We can't all be strong all the time, so I'm hoping this will become a good outlet for me. Thanks for taking the time to read this.

wanted_a_simple_life I've given it my all
  • replies: 5

All I ever wanted is a family. I married in my early 30's after being well set up financially for the future. My wife was amazing and I loved her so much, we had two beautiful girls but over the years she seemed to hang around guys more. I found her ... View more

All I ever wanted is a family. I married in my early 30's after being well set up financially for the future. My wife was amazing and I loved her so much, we had two beautiful girls but over the years she seemed to hang around guys more. I found her keeping secrets from me when it came to the opposite sex. When we were dating, she showed no sign of this behaviour and was taken by surprise after a few years of marriage. I told her I was not comfortable with these relationships she had. I look at our friends and their wives never did this to their husbands. i didn't understand why she wanted or needed these guys in her life and started thinking she only married me for what I had and what I could give her. I used to become very frustrated at the lack of her acknowledgement that it is affecting our marriage. We separated 4 months ago and I'm still trying to come to terms with it all. I worked my butt off for my family and shown my love that way by being the best provider. She says I know you love me, but your not in love with me. I feel like that's a cop out. I still blame myself that I could have handled it better, but I was trying to protect my marriage...